The rage, insanity and addiction consumed every aspect of their attention and behavior - depriving them of the energy, courage or understanding of modeling or showering us with the love and affection they felt so strongly. Only after my father's death was I told that he grieved when he found I was born with glaucoma, which would leave me blinded in one eye for life and then again when he was told by the doctor that a medical procedure had not yet been developed which would allow him to donate his own eye to me. What a selfless, loving, compassionate man. Yet, I never knew.
Later, my mother passed on. In sorting through her important papers, we found the letter she wrote God during labor for my sister. This birth was very unique, you see, as she was home with no transportation, no adults to assist and her older four children asleep. Any loud noise on her part would have added the burden of child-care to her already over-whelming situation. Rather than panic, she wrote her feelings, love for my sister, and love for her HP between contractions.
Yet these loving, spiritual and profound statements of who my parents were and what they desired where as unknown to us as the family secrets were to the friends and neighbors.
And I have deprived my children and myself of the affection, love and praise they (and I) so much deserve due to fear of rejection or confrontation from my children, as I had once received from my parents.
Fortunately, I was blessed with Alateen fellowship at a recent Al-Anon area conference and they have encouraged me to act on my concerns for my children's future by hugging them, loving them, and sharing recovery with them TODAY. I thank them for the gift they gave my family and me this weekend.
And I hope that all parents and future parents consider service work with their local Alateen group for the good of these wonderful young people, our "Al-Anon family," for yourselves, and your personal growth and recovery.
Alateen is a an extension of Al-Anon that I feel many members neglect consciously or sub-consciously. For me, I feared the rebellion and the disrespect. However, they are like us, filled with fear, rejection, loneliness, confusion, and trying to grasp the world around them. This group can not exist without sponsors, and I can not imagine the responsibility the "experienced" teenagers must be under with a parental active alcoholic, school, work, their own recovery, and sponsorship of their peers.
Due to lack of "experienced members" and the self-doubts imposed by teenage years, coupled with that of their unhealthy upbringing, they may only have us, their Al-Anon group to look to for support and encouragement.
I implore you to reach out to the teens in your community. Start a group, volunteer to help the group sponsor, or seek out an Alateen member to sponsor. Your life will be richly rewarded by the bond and the insight that our wonderful youth has to give us by these simple acts of service.
