I am so grateful to my Higher Power and to those that still believed in me, that I was one of the lucky ones who "made it back". It was so hard to walk back into that door of AA and start over and pick up a new chip.
But I did. To hell with false pride - I was ready to quit drinking. Otherwise, I was doomed for an insane asylum or death. I am happy to tell you that I have just picked up my 17 year sobriety chip. Never could I have made it alone. I have to have all of you, my brothers and sisters, to remind me of who I am, and that is, Jean, a recovering alcoholic who must take life one day at a time in order to stay sober.
There have been many setbacks in my life, but thank God I have not had to take a drink. Seems that this past year has been my hardest; I broke my back, lost a husband I truly loved, and had a complete nervous breakdown. But I STILL DID NOT DRINK.
Every day is like a new day to me now; sometimes I feel as if I don't quite know which direction I am going, but I know as long as I stay sober, the direction will sooner or later become clear. I have the privilege of being able to do some work in a detox unit, and its such a great feeling to share my experience, strength, and hope with another suffering human being.
I hope, in doing so that somewhere down the line, I may help just one person to find their way to the only program in the world that has worked for me; the program for the living, Alcoholics Anonymous. Thank God for Bill W. and Dr. Bob, our co-founders. Whatever would we have done had their paths not crossed.
I don't have everything in the world I want right now, but I do have everything that I need, and it has been proven to me by my Higher Power and the Steps and Traditions of this program and all the great people in this program, that this thing does work. There are many things I would like to change in my life, but I feel if it is meant for them to change, it will happen.
I do have my children back, with the exception of one child who is out there, and is a practicing "addict". There is nothing I can do for him, except pray. I have carried him to many meetings with me, so he has been exposed, and it is up to him as to whether he chooses to live or die. It is that simple. There is no in between.
I want to end by telling each of you, those of you who I don't know, that I love you. We share the same disease and we know what we have to do in life. We have a choice today. And isn't that wonderful? Some people with diseases don't have a choice. I have been given the gift of sobriety; I love life without alcohol; I enjoy so much drinking my coffee on my back steps and watching the birds in the morning; simple things that nobody else would think is that important.
I find that I can make clear decisions, even though they don't always have the outcome I would like. What more can I say? I am a grateful alcoholic whose name is Jean L. and every day is a new awakening, because I have been given another chance; and I must not let alcohol destroy my life.
That is the reason I have to stay active in this program and always remind myself of who I am, where I have been, and where I never want and don't have to,go again. There you for allowing me to share my story with you.
Part One: I Blamed Everyone.
