Peggy's Story

This Disease Is a Killer

I used to think that I was the oldest drug addict in the world at age 36. I realized that I had a serious problem with speed. I had begun hearing voices and was paranoid most of the time. The drug had stopped working or so it seemed. I was very afraid and did not know what to do.

I thought that they would put me into an institute and I would never be allowed to see my children. When I kept telling my husband that THEY knew he wanted to know who and I always said THEM. THEM being the voices in my head.

Call it divine intervention call it drug induced psychois I really don't care but what I am about to tell you is the truth. I was a mother of two wonderful girls and the day that I woke up and realized that I had a two-year-old daughter that I could not remember. I know I had reached the bottom.

I did not know what recovery was, I did not know what to do to stay clean but I did know I wanted to stop because I was sick and tired of being angry, paranoid and lonely.

I made a phone call to my insurance and told them I had a bad drug problem and what should I do. They wanted me to be seen by a psychologist before they could do anything. Imagine that. They gave me three names to call and I did. Now mind you I did not even have a car to get anywhere at this point.

Out of the three only one of them called me back. Her name was Roberta and I told her I was on drugs and needed help. If I did not get help that day I was ready to throw my life away. I wanted to die but just could not overdose no matter how much I did. She helped me. She got me into a treatment program that helped people like myself.

It was a 30 day program and I did not want to stay that long. I really only wanted the voices to go away so I could use like everyone else. They said that in order for me to recover and for my insurance to pay I would have to agree to stay 30 days. I said I would. They sent someone to pick me up and I was on my way to recovery.

The getting there was the hardest part. Staying was easy. I have been clean now for over 9 years. In February 2004 God willing I will have 10 years.

If you read this and you think you have a problem, chances are you do. Please do not let your fear and your denial get in the way of your recovery. I did not live to live life without drugs I lived so that I could help others like myself.

I lost a brother to addiction five years ago and know that this disease is a killer, it's a sure way to mess up your family, your life and they life of those you love. Please if you are out there still remember this is hope. With the one tiny piece of hope I can tell you from my experience that it was well worth getting my life back.