This article is written by Donna Thompson, publisher of Challenges, in which she writes her featured column, Get A Life®. A publication for people in recovery and their families.

Do Suicides Go To Heaven?

What do I know about suicide? Damn little. Once I contemplated it but rationalized I didn't do the garage thing because I didn't want my in-laws raising my children. Years later, I seriously contemplated murder, but again, rationalized I didn't want my children contending with the stigma of an incarcerated mother.

Folks with faith don't scream. They believe they know the answers.

What do I know about heaven and hell? Next to nothing. No, that's not true. I KNOW nothing. I don't KNOW there are such places as heaven and hell. Some say, "Living is hell." Some say, "Hell is other people."

What do I know about God? Nothing! This is where faith takes over. I don't KNOW if there's an omnipotent intelligence--I think there has to be to have created "all this" but then again, there's the Big Bang theory, and then again, maybe an entity commonly referred to as God created the Big Bang?

Keep your mind out there in space long enough, posing these questions, and you can end up so boggled that you scream. Unless you have faith. Folks with faith don't scream. They believe they know the answers. And that's good because it helps to put order into lives.

There's one thing I do know and that is the glue that holds together a grief support group I belong to. Every one of us lost the person we held most dear, our other, and our grief has, ipso facto, bonded us.

That bond is our common denominator. And when any segment of the bond appears to come under attack, some who are further along the grief recovery road make an effort to defend it.

We are all grieving differently. Mine because of sudden, natural causes is different than someone's who nursed their beloeved through months, even years, of illness. Some never laugh for fear they're being disrepectful of their spouse and "people" will think they aren't truly grieving.

Conjecture, Speculation

Whereas I laugh every chance I get because that's what I've always done. Those whose mates committed suicide may carry the most painful grief because there is no way they can ever know EXACTLY what their loved one was thinking. They can conjecture, speculate...

But saying nothing is far more acceptable than telling the grieving spouse that their beloved is rotting in hell.

Some know how afraid society is when it comes to suicide. If I've run into tongue- tied people who stammer out "canned" condolences, then I can only imagine what it is like to have otherwise well-meaning people cross the street (in effect) when they see a suicide survivor approaching. But saying nothing is far more acceptable than telling the grieving spouse that their beloved is rotting in hell. That may be what they believe, but where's the proof?

Someone in our group came up with a brilliant idea. Any time someone says something inane such as, "Well, are you ready to get on with your life? Now you can live it up!" she's going to remain silent, whip out a little notebook, and start writing. They're sure to ask, "What are you doing?"

And she'll say, "I'm keeping a record of all the stupid things said to me." I've written this to remind myself that I don't have all the answers.

More from Donna
Previous guest columns written by Donna Thompson for the Alcoholism site.

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