Step 8: Who did I harm?

Who did I harm? Well, step 4 gave me guidelines as to who and how, and why, and I began step 4 with specific individuals who I directly harmed as a consequence of my drinking.

Then as I progressed in this program, I re-read step 8 and discovered it said "all people we had harmed". That meant people I had harmed both during and prior to my drinking and drugging.

Then, as I progressed further, and discovered that laws of physics apply to human emotion too, I realized that I had harmed many more than I believed at first.

Consider the doorman who I shouted at for his insufferable incompetence. He took my rebuke to heart, took it home with him, yelled at his wife and kids, perhaps yelled at the train conductor. Consider the newsboy who broke my window, and who I gave a dressing down: Perhaps he dropped out of school, or just gave up on self esteem. Everywhere I went, whatever I did or said, any action has an equivalent reaction.

List Grows Longer

Suddenly my 8th step list got a lot longer. As it turned out, I had a high profile job for 12 years that caused me to interact with over 2,000,000 people. How many of them did I harm? How many did they harm after crossing my path?

It became painfully obvious that I would never make amends to them all. I could make direct amends to those I directly harmed, but what about the nameless, faceless minions that were out there, and never knew they suffered because of me?

You know what? The answer was already in the steps. This program is about becoming a better person, and improving ones life. It is about living life in an unselfish and compassionate way. It is about giving in order to receive. It is about taking more interest in our fellows. And by practicing these principles in all my affairs, I think I turned out to be a better person than I once was.

So all those minions, all the poor people that I tread upon, all the people that reciprocated my actions towards others, and those others, well, it is my sincere hope that you now need not worry about suffering because of me. And maybe, just maybe, my continued sobriety makes the world a wee bit better place for you to live.

Sox

More about Step 8

Step 8: Willingness
Making a list of those harmed before coming into recovery may sound simple. It's becoming willing to actually make those amends is the difficult part.

Becoming Willing
"If I work this step to the best of my ability, the promise of living a life free of isolation from my fellow man and God will come to be."

Letting Go of Hurts
"We need to address omissions as well as the obvious. For me, that was the most difficult part."

Step Toward Maturity
"Just as I have maybe been able to point out all the inappropriate behaviors of others, I have to face my own."

Moving Forward
"The only thing I can do now is, not look to the past, but move forward."

Index of 12 Steps and Traditions Study

---

Today's Scheduled Chats
Monday | Tuesday | Wednesday | Thursday | Friday | Saturday | Sunday

Got a Question? Ask it on the Bulletin Board. Weekly Newsletter Free update via email

Calendar of Events Conventions & Roundups. Cybriety Medallions Pick up your anniversary medallion.

---

Previous Features