We have made these pages available to members of the recovery community who wish to share their experience, strength, and hope with others.

Alethea's Story

My name is Alethea and I am an alcoholic.

My journey is long and most of it was painful. As far back as I can remember there was verbal, physical, neglect and sexual abuse.

"At 8 years I found alcohol, and very shortly, sniffing glue. What a great way to mask my fear and become an unreachable child."

When I was four months old there is a picture of me in a police station with a police officer feeding me with a bottle because my parents left me in the doorway of a department store, while they went shopping, I guessed they shopped longer than they expected.

When I was two I had been taught how to have sex, and it seemed to continue thru my youth in various chapters with various men.

My father was a parent full of fear so he thought physical punishment was the answer, sometimes very severe. Mom was too afraid to go against him. At 8 years I found alcohol, and very shortly, sniffing glue. What a great way to mask my fear and become an unreachable child.

Unbroken Spirit

By 10 or 11 I was locked up in a children's shelter for glue and a runaway. Nothing changes if nothing changes so after being sent home for some months I ended up is a school for girls run by the Salvation Army. My will was broken there, but not my spirit.

"Within two years the marriage ended, I lost the house and my son because I could not support him."

It was the first time I experienced unconditional love, but I was only there for a few years, then released back to my parents. Nothing had changed in the home, I tried, but was no longer accepted by my peers, and in less than a year I started drinking daily.

Met my first Husband in a bar at 16, married at 18 , bought a home and had a baby, so the beatings were well worth it. I had it all, the husband, baby, house and the beatings that went along with it.

An underlining eating disorder started erupting and I found diet pills. With that the drinking increased vastly. Within two years the marriage ended, I lost the house and my son because I could not support him.

When I left, the next 10 years were hitching around the country, living in a car, time in jail, living in a tent, another abusive marriage, my son living with me some of the time, and weekend mother some of the time, all dependent on how long I kept a job.

Talking to the Ceiling

But there was never a day without drinking. When my second husband died in 1975, my son came to live with me full time because I started to receive SSI payments, and could manage to pay a rent. That left money for me to drink with out of money I made via landscaping or tending bar.

"My mother found her voice and told me my attitudes stunk and I better go find God. I thought it was the last thing I needed."

Diet Pills stopped working for me so I painfully withdrew from them, but the amount of alcohol didn't decrease it just kept increasing. In my late 20's I was sick and tired of no discipline in my life, no consistency and always in emotional pain.

My mother found her voice and told me my attitudes stunk and I better go find God. I thought it was the last thing I needed. I left her in a rage, remembering how I just needed to die. When I returned home I found myself in bed screaming up at the ceiling daring a God to make himself known to me right there and then or just take this life and shove it.

I ended up in tears feeling all hope was lost, only to awaken the next day feeling that all hope was not lost, so I continued to talk to this ceiling until so many "thinking things" started to happen.

I obtained my GED, bought a house, and realized that I wasn't drinking as much as I had been, and for the first time I looked at the price alcohol played in my life. Shortly after moving into my new home I heard of AA and within a few months I made my first meeting.

I joined a group, got a sponser, got a commitment, and got involved. Went through my steps and tried to keep them in my life on a daily basis.

Eight Year Slip

In my third year I was involved with someone who was physically abusive, had my 2nd son and little by little I put my fellowship in one of his back pockets, and my spirituality in his other. Even though I still made a meeting everyday, I stopped sharing the real issues of my life in essence I was quietly lying by not sharing.

"The night I celebrated my 6th anniversary I picked up a drink."

Somewhere in my fifth year I felt a sense of loss, even though my son's father was not in my life or my son's any longer I began to get angry at God for letting me have to repeat my life all over again. The night I celebrated my 6th anniversary I picked up a drink.

It took eight years to be convinced I could not put the drink down alone. In those eight years, I thank God every day that I still was able to hang on to much of the steps because, I added another relationship and third son, that did not last and was difficult to end.

I then had two small children and a home to maintian, no child support and dealing with controlled drinking, with no hope left that God would give me the precious gift of sobriety back that I slapped him in the face with.

Today I know how much God really loves us. He allowed me to get a colledge degree, keep my children and my home, and when I fully understood that things don't get better, we do, and that I will never stay sober alone.

Committment

Almost four years ago I went to a meeting because alcohol was no longer in my control, and the job, house, children, me were all going down the drain fast, And most importantly I could not talk to God anymore! So on 7/3/94 I crawled back into the rooms of AA half drunk and totally defeated and knew that the only problem I have was alcohol.

The wisdom I received from this journey is that there is nothing that is not do-able, my life is none of my business, and God will always provide.

A woman who was learning how to love now knows that she is loved. I want for nothing, I need nothing, I was blessed with a new husband this past January (all because I wasn't looking). I was also blessed with a few other diseases, and God has shown me I can walk just as well with them. The three most important things that I posess today are my committment to God, to the fellowship of AA, and to people!

God Bless, and Love Always,
Thea

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