We have made these pages available to members of the recovery community who wish to share their experience, strength, and hope with others.

Jill's Story

Hi, my name is Jill and I am an alcoholic. On April 16, 1989 I hit the Bottom of all bottoms in my lifetime.

"I lay there waiting and I prayed for God to please let me die. I just needed out. I blacked out at that point."

I was a single mother whose children were moved out. I had successfully hid my alcoholism. I was a very good actress. I was also addicted to prescription pills and had an illness which made meds readily available. I thought I had it made.

Well, alcohol is cunning, baffling and very powerful. I had been in the frame of mind to kill myself for many years. Sick as I was I wanted to wait until the kids were out of the home. Well, the time had finally arrived.

I had been married three times I had been through too much and I really wanted out. I had tried to quit drinking for years to no avail. Then I just gave in and went through relationship after relationship until I had nothing left to give. I didn't know what love was anymore. I had lost my faith totally. I just wanted to die at that point in my life.

So I really made the decision to check out. I bought (with my house payment funds) a lot of alcohol... and had alot of pills on hand I been saving up for an emergency (which in my mind had arrived).

I took all of those pills... I injested all of the booze and I didn't get sick. I had put on "The Moody Blues" album and lit alot of candles. I figured if I just got sick maybe my mobile home would at least burn.

A Miracle Night

I lay there waiting and I prayed for God to please let me die. I just needed out. I blacked out at that point. Then in a dream like, I got up walked to the phone and called the crisis line and a lady answered. I told her I was going to die. That I had tried everything.

"And I found out that I was not crazy; I am an alcoholic/addict. I also found help."

She asked me if I had ever been to AA? I asked what is that? She said that I was an alcoholic and I needed to go to a meeting. She told me I hadn't tried everything yet. I asked "how do I get there it's too late!" She said to look in the phone book under Alcoholics Anonymous.

I don't remember exactly after that except that I woke up in the spot on the floor I had originally started taking the pills. I was shakey but alive none the less... and not understanding what had happened to me. I got up cleaned up the mess the candles made all over the carpet.

Then looked up Alcoholics Anonymous and my first contact with my new life answered that phone. He told me about a meeting that day. I went down and met him at the Central Office and then went to my first meeting that night.

It was a miracle that happened that night. God booted me into AA because it isn't up to me when I will be leaving this world. And I found out that I was not crazy; I am an alcoholic/addict. I also found help... thanks to God.

I am sober today by the grace of God and for that I am very greatful. One Day at a time. Thanks for taking the time to read "my story" It is good for me to remember where I come from. It is humbling. God Bless.

Your Sister in Sobriety,
Jill

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