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Grief, Loss and Rage

Wendall was killed night before last. You guys didn't know Wendall, but I did.

There were some from our A.A. chapter. You could recognize us. There was a different look on our face.

I don't know how to say how I feel. I don't think they've made the words yet. Shock -- but not really -- because if I stop and think it was inevitable unless there was a big change. Deep grief. Loss. A feeling of "That could have been me." The waste of it! And RAGE!!!!! I don't EVEN know where that's coming from.

Wendall was young. Early 30's. A handsome and smart young man -- with a "brilliant" future behind him. A beautiful and wounded wife left behind. Driving drunk was nothing new to Wendall. He'd had lots of practice.

They had the viewing last night. There were lots of older people there. Friends of his family. There were some from our A.A. chapter. You could recognize us. There was a different look on our face. There weren't any of his bar buddies. Couldn't show their faces!! I passed that bar on the way home and it was all I could do not to pull in. I didn't want a drink. I wanted to face them. I wanted to let them know they'd lost a good customer -- since that's all they cared about.

They let him drive away from there three sheets to the wind more times than they could count. Granted, he was coming from somewhere else that night, but at the time that didn't matter to me. I passed that bar and I was shaking. If I'd had a bomb I would have blown it up. Crazy, huh. Told you I didn't have the words. Say a prayer for Wendall.

kd

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