|Personal Stories of Recovery|
Hello. My name is SoberChild and I am an alcoholic and an addict.
I didn't always believe that.
They would all go home when they were supposed to. I would be out all night finishing the alcohol.
I never really fit in at school or at home I felt different than everyone maybe because I was adopted, who knows. When I was in Jr. High I was tall and skinny and awkward none of the popular kids would hang with me. I started to drink on a regular bases when I was 13. The popular kids would hang out with me because I could get cigarettes and booze. I still didn't fit in.
They would all go home when they were supposed to. I would be out all night finishing the alcohol. I didn't want to waste it after all. I ended up getting arrested twice for possessing alcohol. The local cops were sick of me, I was running away every night.
My parents decided to send me to a boot camp. I was there a year, once again I didn't fit in. I was there for a year and fought the system the whole time I was there. I moved back home and did good for a few months.
I was at a new school, I still didn't fit in I decided drugs would get me in good with the other kids. The progression started when I was 14. I first started smoking pot and drinking before and after school. It wasn't to long before I started "experimenting" with other drugs. I soon found people a lot older than me to hang with. I fit in when I was trashed I became another person.
I came pretty damn close to death. I wouldn't sleep for days on end or eat.
I could get any drug I wanted because I was cute. I could get drugs for the price of sex. I would get beaten by guys but I could rationalize it.
I started to put limit's on my using, this was not effective. My limits started like this: "I'm not an addict if I only smoke pot, addicts do things like pills." Then I would get into the pills and the next limit would be set ." I'm not an addict till I do LSD. Then I'm not an addict till I do coke, then I'm not an addict till I do meth then I'm not an addict till I do heroin, Then the final limit was set I am not an addict till I DIE!".
I came pretty damn close to death. I wouldn't sleep for days on end or eat. Coke was my favorite, I was always running always going and always fun. I soon weight 90lbs I am 5 feet 11 inches I looked sick, at least that was what my "straight" friends said. I didn't need them. I soon started having seizures.
My "friends" would get me through these and when I was done flopping around on the floor, they helped me even out my system with a line and a beer. I had eight seizures before I told my "friend" to dispose of my body if anything happened to me when he agreed I took a step back at my "friends" and noticed that they were contributing to my slow suicide.
If I wanted to be "productive" I had to do some rocks and If I wanted to sleep I would have to drink.
I came home after that and told my parent's that I needed help. They wanted there little girl to get better and were willing to do anything. They helped find a boarding school I could go to, but there was a waiting list. It took about a month to get me in. Everyday during that month I would tell myself "Today I'm going to clean up so it won't be that bad when I go away." And everyday I would get trashed again. In that month I got worse and spent close to $8,000 on drugs.
I started doing Crack and stealing to get my money. I would wake up shaking, so I had to drink. If I wanted to be "productive" I had to do some rocks and If I wanted to sleep I would have to drink. That was my life everyday.
I went to the boarding school on January 21, 1997, I was 16 yrs old, the 2 hr ride there was hell I sat in the back seat going through withdrawals from the crack I was smoking up until the time I got in the car.
A Place I Fit In
I found a place I fit in today it is inside the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. I have been sober since the that day I went away. that was 3 1/2 years ago. My addictions aren't that bad if I handle them one day at a time. I never fit in because I wasn't willing to love myself. Today I am learning to love my self one day at a time.
Doing drugs was hard work. But living sober is easy if I do what I am supposed to.
It's amazing what can happen when you take drugs out of a person's life. I graduated H.S. on time after dropping out for a year. I have a great relationship with my family, I have TRUE friends today, I have found my biological mother, I have self respect. Most importantly I have TODAY.
All of this wouldn't be possible if the people in the rooms didn't love me until I loved myself. Doing drugs was hard work. But living sober is easy if I do what I am supposed to. The simple suggestions of AA aren't suggestions to me they are a matter of life and death.
Today I choose life.SoberChild
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