| Free Will | |
By Tex B. Posted March 13, 2000
I have been active in AA for some time and have tried to figure out what I see happening. I have some guesses based on my experience.
I think that actually it is the individual that decides whether they will stop drinking or not. I think that we have free will. I don't understand what God intends or does, but I think that God gave us free will.
If God messes with our will, then it is no longer free. I don't believe that God will do anything to us or for us that will violate our freedom of will. So, I think that we decide if we get sober or not.
I don't think that this is a conscious decision. Many times I consciously decided to quit drinking and the result was more and wilder drinking. The harder I tried to stop, the weirder I got. I attempted suicide only to find AA.
I accepted that my battle with booze had been lost, so far back that I don't know when I passed the point of no return. I gave up the useless fight, understanding that I was lost. I felt a quiet resignation, accepting my fate.
My new AA friends told me there was something in AA that would remove the urge to drink. They said that it had happened to them and I believed them.
Since I was already lost, I had nothing to lose so I quietly waited to see what would happen. Nothing happened, I didn't get the urge to drink. I did not turn to God at this time. I thought there was no God, but I turned to AA and whatever was keeping my friends sober.
It worked, it took me 3-4 years before I replaced the "Thing that makes AA work" with God. All God needed was my consent to the idea of me stopping drinking. When I got my willful self out of the way and left the problem alone, then God could change me. I have not had a drink since then.
Tex B., known to many as "TEXBRO" passed away October 5, 2000. He was 81 years old, with 53 years continuous sobriety. Until three weeks before his death, Tex shared his considerable experience, strength, and hope with visitors to the Alcoholism Forum at About.com. Some of those messages are archived here to benefit those of us he left behind, and those will who will in the future find their way into the rooms.
