There Are Such Unfortunates...
What About Those Who Do Not Recover?
There are many success stories on this web site and in the literature about those who have recovered from alcoholism and addiction, but what about those who do not make it?
In the book Alcoholics Anonymous or the "Big Book" as it is known, it speaks of those who do not recover:
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. There are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.The following story talks about one who did not make it. It came as an email from a friend this week. Here is the sad truth.
A Killer Disease
I am reminded again that I have a killer disease.About 12 years ago a neighbor of mine showed up at my home group AA meeting. I had never met him before that night. He was a stock broker. I'm a doctor. He came back to my house after the meeting and we talked about the founding of AA by a doctor and stockbroker. Here we were, over 50 years later, another doctor and stockbroker facing the same challenge. But in our case, the answer had been there for over fifty years.
We talked about what we could do together, getting better, and helping others. Scott came for only a few more meetings, then disappeared. He never attended regularly, but did show up at the end of a year to pick up a one-year sobriety chip. I guess he thought he had proved something. I never saw him at another meeting, and he moved away.
I saw him once several years later at a college football game with his sons, but he had no interest in resuming our former brief friendship, seemed almost embarassed to talk with me and couldn't wait to get away. A year ago, when I got my computer, I tried to find him through searching, but struck out. I wanted to extend my hand to him one more time. I knew he had divorced. He had acknowledged repeatedly beating his wife when drinking.
A Sense of Loss
This morning I got a sick feeling as I read the paper. He had shot himself after an argument with his ex-wife and her current husband regarding a problem with one of the sons. Law enforcement authorities had been summoned and there was a standoff for an extended period before he turned the gun on himself and fired the fatal bullet.I have a feeling of pain, a sense of loss and waste, and extreme gratitude that I am living in the solution one day at a time, living the steps, working regularly with other suffering alcoholics.
Some will get better. Others will succumb to our disease. But I will never forget sitting at my kitchen table after a meeting, drinking coffee, and talking AA with a newcomer named Scott. I wish he had kept coming back.
Donald G.
Joey's StoryFor those who have attempted recovery and failed, there is still hope. The door is open. The following, first posted on the bulletin board here at the Alcoholism site, talks about what can happen if you keep coming back.
The terror of the life he lived, his addictions, had finally led him to doing the only remaining thing he could to be free.
If I Keep on Going...
I have been sober for a few days now. When I came in all those years ago, the old timers told me to stop whining (didn't think that was too loving of them!) and go to a meeting, and read the Big Book and listen! Get involved. Empty ashtrays, wash cups,push in chairs.... on and on.Fortunately for me I listened and I did all that and more. I didn't really understand the steps for more years than I care to admit, and I went to meetings and I pushed in chairs and I emptied ashtrays and I listened and I listened and I read and I wrote in a journal and I...
I thank God daily for those men. I do not know why I was one of the chosen ones. That is how I see it today, because I did listen (for the first time in my life) and I have stayed clean and sober! As I watch people struggle and go out and come back and go out again, I think, "how come that did not happen too me?"
I was so sick spiritually when I came in I thought I was just a happy, well adjusted adult, who couldn't quit drinking!! In knowing, that I truly believed that, and I did not have any voices in my head, telling me different, it amazes me that I stayed sober.
The Answers are There
So, here I am quite a few years later and what do I do now to stay sober? I go to meetings, I listen, I write in my journal, I read the Big Book. So here is what happens to you if you keep doing all that stuff long enough.Friday morning I was feeling pretty awful. Stuff happening that made me feel hurt and betrayed and untrusting and all that yucky stuff. I didn't have to think about what to do. I didn't have to agonize over what to do. I didn't have to sit in it all alone. I just got in my car and went to a meeting I don't usually go to.
I walked in and there was my nephew, and my niece and a man that was there on day one when I sobered up and a client of mine I had not seen in awhile and he has five months sober! I didn't talk about what was going on, I just enjoyed the meeting and the company and I felt much, much better for the rest of the day.
Of course when I got up the next day it was there again and I am still not feeling too happy. This is life, gang. I am writing in my journal, and I am going to see my counselor on Thursday and I will be okay.
What I realized one more time, is that when you learn to "live" the program, you do not have to search for answers, they just appear at the right time.
If you're new, hang in long enough to instinctively know what is best for you. Practice the principles of the program long enough for them to become, part of who you are.
Good luck to all of you.
Love,
Grateful
