Dr. Janet G. Woititz outlined several common characteristics of children who grew up in alcoholic homes in her book, "Adult Children of Alcoholics." Those characteristics include judging themselves without mercy, being far too hard on themselves.
In answering the question, "How Do You Feel Growing Up With an Alcoholic Parent Has Changed You? visitors to the About.com Alcoholism site shared their experience with judging themselves without mercy:
Feeling of Inadequacy
I have a constant feeling of inadequacy, I feel that I am not good enough and can do nothing right. I have a terrible fear if being criticized. I try to change who I am to suit other people. I am constantly uneasy in new situations and usually look to other people to see what the appropriate or normal action or reaction is. I have serious trust issues, I believe that everyone will eventually let me down, but really it's no more than I deserve. -- Orla
Never Felt Good Enough
I never felt I was good enough. I suffered from low self-esteem, depression, and an eating disorder in my teens. (I had a therapist then too). I used to change myself so people would like me. To this day, I can't handle criticism and I judge myself harshly. -- Denise
Believing the Abusive Words
I don't think I believed the bad things they would say about me because I knew they were alcoholics. However, when I got a relationship of my own he began to say abusive things to me and I would believe them. For example he would say "no wonder no one likes you" and I would actually worry the whole day "oh no, nobody likes me?" -- Fish
Don't Feel Deserving
I hated myself because I am so blessed and knew I was ruining it. I thought the good things would end. I felt I didn't deserve what I have. -- Di
Feel I am Worth Nothing
Being told how stupid, childish, useless and incapable I am every day I really have begun to feel like I am worth nothing as a person and nothing will ever work out for me, as she says. -- Nala
Always Putting Myself Down
I hold on to having no self-worth (even though I'm a great mom) and always putting myself down. I am working hard on allowing myself to say I have value and to have real emotions and hide them like I always have. -- Lost Child
Staying Away From People
I feel like I am protecting people by staying away from them. -- Horse
Fear of Speaking
Now as a 32-year-old I am struggling through college and have a fear of speaking in class. I have body image issues and severe intimacy issues. My marriage is ending in divorce now partially because I've impulsively said unkind things to my spouse for many years and I can barely initiate sex. -- Hillary
Children Are Affected
If you having a drinking problem and have children, they are being affected by your drinking and your behavior, whether you realize it or not. You may want to try to find help to quit or cut back on the amount of alcohol that you consume.If you are a child of an alcoholic, you might want to take this quiz to see if you have been affected in ways that you may not even realize. Those who have been affected by parental alcoholism have found help from seeking professional counseling or finding support in either Al-Anon Family Groups or the support group Adult Children of Alcoholics.
Sources: Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization, "The Laundry List – 14 Traits of an Adult Child of an Alcoholic," (Attributed to Tony A., 1978). Accessed November 2010. Janet G. Woititz, "The 13 Characteristics of Adult Children," The Awareness Center. Accessed November 2010.
