Al-Anon Meeting Topic: Coping With Infidelity

I Carried a Lot of Resentment Around

I remember how all my friends tried to tell me, that I needed to just let my former wife go. They tried to tell me without coming right out and telling me that she was already gone anyway. If they came right out and told me she was being unfaithful, they would also be telling on other "friends" of ours too.

They were in a tough spot. It was a bad situation all the way around.

When I did find out for sure she was running around, the pain was almost unbearable. How could she do this to me? How could she do this to her family?

Wallowing in the Grief

I used to spend a lot of time wallowing in the grief. I felt so powerless. I never wanted anything like that to happen! When I got over the grief, then I got angry. I carried a lot of bitterness and resentment around for a long time. She had "made" me feel powerless and I hated it.

But I really started to heal when I came to realize that she was powerless too. She had a disease that was in control of her life. She did things and said things that she hated herself for doing. She was just another sick person who needed help, just as I did, to recover.

I finally came to the realization that all those years, she had not been doing those things to me, the disease had been doing those things to her! When I accepted that, it was a big step in my own healing and recovery.

-- BuddyT

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