A Daily Wake-Up Blow
Not until I woke up one morning with my lower back hurting and bowels running off did I realize what a serious drug heroin was! But where you get hooked is when you find your drug of choice. Like a miracle, it solves all of your problems. The runny eyes and loose bowels go away. But everyday after that, to just feel close to normal, I had to have to have it.Contrary to what the movies and television show to the world, many addicts have jobs! But I couldn't lay down to go to sleep at night, unless I had what I call a wake-up blow. This meant that I had to have money to buy everyday. It also meant that I had too live like two different people -- the person that the people at work thought I was and the addict that was in and out of joints and seedy areas at night.
No More Vacations
Because I had medical insurance I spent 15 years going in and out of different detox programs only to fail. My husband finally cut my insurance card in half one day out of frustration and said, "You are not going to take anymore vacations, go in and lay up and get clean only to leave the hospital and buy drugs on the way home."So I followed advice from other addicts and went to the health department and joined the methadone program. At the time it felt wonderful to wake up after so many years and not have to run and buy dope. But the program became a job six days a week. I had to get up two hours early in order to make it to the clinic. Whenever you say you are on your way to "the clinic" to another addict they know where you are going and it's not to the doctor.
I Finally Said 'Enough'
It took years to get off of methadone. It turned out to be even harder to kick than the drug I went in for. There were clients that had been in the program for 20 years. When I finally said, "enough," I can't even describe the horror of the detox. It took months before my body felt anywhere near normal.You can't sleep at night and your nervous system is shot. I'm still taking it one day at a time. I fight the thoughts with support groups and I pray! After 30 years of addiction, I know that relapse is only one blow way.
A Lifetime of Hell
I see young suburban kids heading to buy drugs in the city. I wish I could convince them of the lifetime of hell they are buying into, just to be "cool." I thought for a short time that most heroin addicts were old and dying out, but a recent string of overdoses and deaths in our area has dispelled those thoughts. The use of heroin is on the rise along with pills that contain Morphine.Parents, watch out for you prescriptions and count your pills. You just might be saving your child a lifetime of hell.
