My higher power gave me willingness in abundance. I attend several Alcoholics Anonymous meetings a week and I talk with my sponsor every day. Because I do what I need to do (almost) every day to maintain my spiritual condition and sobriety, I know who I am and I like myself, for the first time in my life.
What I Cannot Control
I'm more able to discern what I can and cannot control and even if I can control it, I think about whether I should. My relationship with my husband has greatly improved; we have meaningful conversations and I think we've had one argument since I returned from treatment.People, places, and things don't disturb me as much as they used to because focus on the positive, I promptly admit when I make mistakes, and I have given up reading people's minds.
Working the Twelve Steps
My father -- a former drug and alcohol counselor -- says that for alcoholics, alcohol blocks the path of communication with our higher power. So until we remove the alcohol, we cannot truly communicate with our higher power. As practicing alcoholics, we prayed for selfish things and we couldn't hear what our higher power was trying to tell us.But when the alcohol is removed, we start to see things as they truly are. We notice miracles, we recognize truth from falsehood, we see patterns in the world around us and patterns in our own behavior, we intuitively know what's really important, etc. For me, all of these things have become more clear since I have started working the twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Harder to Get Back
This philosophy is a big key for me. If I go back, I lose all of that. And I think it would be much harder to get back next time.I'm grateful to be a member of the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous and I'm proud to call myself an alcoholic.
