I had reached the point of incomprehensible demoralization the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous talks about. I had managed to drink myself to near death. I was a 54 year old married, nurse, who started life with a fear and a hate for alcohol. My dad had instilled that fear daily since I can remember. Both of my grandfathers were alcoholic.
Not Without Problems My childhood was spent in the throws of war in Europe, growing up fast and missing out on the normal experiences that a girl childhood should have. Instead I learned how to be the first one to the shelter with gas mask attached at the first sound of sirens. My family managed to survive and immigrate to America in 1947.
I met and married a tall, strong, loving marine when I was just 17 years old. We had four children in a span of eight years.
One son died at age 10. Our surviving three children are not without problems. Our oldest son has paranoid schizophrenia, Our youngest child, a girl, is mentally retarded. Our middle child, is a married dad with a wife and three teen agers. I suspect he is also a periodic alcoholic.
Comfortable in My Own SkinMy thinking got me drunk for the first time when I was 42 years old. I was feeling sorry for myself because of a family disaster, alcohol numbed my senses and for the ensuing twelve years I lived to have that powerful drink, that would change me into a woman who was the total opposite of what I really am.
I now live the twelve step program of Alcoholics Anonymous. I now have a life that I used to only dream about. I live in beautiful Palm Springs near the treatment center where I started a new way to live. I have become the woman I aspired to be. A respected retired nurse who has everything she needs to be comfortable, but most of all is comfortable in her own skin.
A Place UnspeakableAlcohol had taken me to a place unspeakable, alcohol had changed my perspective of reality, alcohol had almost killed me and destroyed my family. I now know that my thinking problem about life in general was changed and distorted by this powerful, baffling, liquid drug. It took me to places that the real me would have never gone. I thank God every day when I wake up for showing me the road to that treatment center and Alcoholics Anonymous.
I hope that you will find that same road and travel it with me. Thank you for reading an excerpt from my story. I hope that some one reading it will see a similarity and try what I tried, You won't be sorry.