I spent 20 some years using, first starting with the "stuff" under the cabinet for when my parents had friends over. The first time I remember reading through a book on how to make certain drinks, but they all called for quite a quantity, so by the time I skillfully made my poison, I would have to drink it all. After all, we must not waste, right?
I Loved 'Feeling Funny'
I would have to start replacing some of the bottles with water and that is how I got busted by my parents. But looking back, it seemed that they thought it was rather clever to manage this for so long and not get caught.When I was in my late teens, most girls I knew of were always concerned about their weight. My mother gave me this bottle with some pills in it, and explained her doctor had given them to her to help lose weight but they made her "feel funny," So basically it was then I fell in love with "feeling funny".
One of the Guys
Everything seemed to be going smooth in my life, I managed to graduate from high school and got a job as a receptionist at a concrete construction business. This worked out just perfect, How wonderful, payday Friday and about 30 guys going to cash their check at the bar down the street and by then it seemed as if I was just one of them. I felt good, I felt I belonged somewhere, I loved the attention I would get even when it would become disrespectful, attention was attention.Of course my using continued and the trail of heartbreak was behind me, I just didn't know it then.
I Had No Clue
All of a sudden one day I had no choice to look at my life and how I was living. By then I had a little girl that ended up living with the same chaos as I did, but to her it was just normal.She has seen me being abused by abusive men that I seemed to attract. She has gotten up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom only to find a stranger with a needle in his arm. I just didn't seem to care and would blow everything off as if it didn't happen.
Well the day I actually looked at how my life was going and how it was affecting others and for the first time it did matter. I did care and the was the most frightening moment because for me, it then meant taking some responsibility for my using and do something different, I had no clue what.
Part Two: I Called the Treatment Center
