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Pam R's Recovery Story

From Pam R.

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They Pronounced Me Clinically Dead Several Times

I was 37 when I truly fell in love. I married him and later figured out that I hated him, but loved the crack that he introduced me to. I divorced him and would continue my "love affair" with crack cocaine for the next five years.

Then the unthinkable happened. I had two aneurysms rupture in my head. I went through major brain surgery, had several strokes and spent 3-1/2 weeks on life support. It was during this time that they pronounced me "clinically" dead several times. Mom and Dad bought me a burial plot.

Then I woke up! I knew nothing -- didn't know my ABC's, numbers. I couldn't read, write, walk and couldn't dress myself or feed myself.

Planning My Next High

But I knew where the dope man lived! I knew his phone number and could see his house in my head. I knew I had to have more crack and spent 58 days in the hospital planning my "next high."

My 12-year-old son sat with me tirelessly day after day and taught me my ABC's, my numbers, how to print and then how to write. The situation was bleak, to say the least and the predictions for a normal recovery were minimal. They just did not know the plan that my God had for me and my life!

Back to the Dope Man

I walked out of the hospital after 58 days with my head shaved, one eye would not open from the strokes, but I had a plan! Three days after I got home I crawled outside to the riding lawn mower and rode 2-1/2 miles up the gravel road to meet the dope man. All of this because he refused to drive his car on my gravel road.

I would spend the next year using and partying.

I made a decision not to use on June 24, 1999. I decided I would enter drug treatment within the month and I did. This is when I would discover the true power and the undying love that my God has for me. His plan for my life began to unfold and for once I was prepared to pay attention and to listen. I have been clean since that day in June of 99.

I Wanted to Be Somebody

I took my lesson and began to use some of stubborn determination for something good. I continued to learn about reading and writing while attending daily AA meetings and working the steps with my sponsor. It was during this time that I decided I wanted to be somebody in a very real kind of way.

I entered college at the age of 47! My major was counseling with a minor in criminal justice. I maintained a 4.0 average and received awards for Outstanding in Criminal Justice and Outstanding in Psychology. I did my practicum for my counseling and received a letter from the state telling me that I was now certified to work as a counselor intern.

A True Miracle of Recovery

After seven long hard years on total disability, I applied for and got a job at the treatment facility where I attended treatment. I worked for 14 months, then was terminated for "inability to keep up with the paperwork."

I lost my dad three weeks after I moved 200 miles away from home to take the job. The two most devastating events in my life have now occurred (my father's death and the termination) and I had not once thought of getting high! This is the true miracle of recovery for me today.

God's Plan Is Much Better

It's not easy to keep me down. I have now re-entered college, working towards my Bachelors degree and continue to "trudge the road to happy destiny" on a daily basis.

People ask, "how do you do it?" It's easy to smile and reply with a wink and a hug, "Because I know that my God's plan is much better than anything I can dream up today."

This is my story and I love to share it.

Created: January 4, 2007
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