My father was an alcoholic as was many others in my family. As a child I saw what it could do and what it did to people in my family, but for some reason I never gave it a thought that I was an Alcoholic.
I was gifted to be pretty good at most sports, but my drinking always stood in the way. I would go to a school dance get drunk, get in a fight, get kicked off of the team. Mind you now this was only my second year of high school. There was all kind of trouble that I got into, all because of my drinking.
My mom would always say "you are just like your dad" My mom divorced my father when I was two years old. Well it wasn't long before I was told that I better quit school and join the Army. And what a place for an alcoholic, same old story in a difference town, I ended up in the stockade for stealing someone's money at a bar because I was broke and needed more money to drink.
I Messed Up...
I did get an honorable discharge, thats back when Ike was cutting the arm service and I think they put me right on top of the list. Mind you, I never gave it a thought that I had a drinking problem. Then came a girl that I got pregnant and had to get married. Well I don't have to tell you what a nightmare this was. We ended up with 3 kids that don't talk to me to this day, even though I have made my amends.To top off I wasn't even 21 years old yet. I could sit here and go on all night what drinking did to me and many others. I messed up so many people's lives because of my drinking. I didn't want to be the way I was but as many of you know I just couldn't stop.
While living in Miami FL I met a fine lady, but the same thing would happen as did with the first wife. I did nothing but mess things up with my drinking, but now I was starting to wish that I was dead and tried to take my life a number of times.
My mother in-law at that time was a great person and every time she would come to see us, I would take her car for one reason or another and every time I took it I would wreck it. I would cry and try to tell them that I just didn't know what was the matter with me.
I Was a Real Sick Person
"Chris" my wife at the time would try everything she knew of to help me. She went as far as to go out drinking with me and she would say she just didn't have any fun with me. I told her that she had to drink like me if she was going to have fun. I was a real sick person.Most of my life was spent working in the steel trade, I have been a welder all my life, and a good I might add, which is the only reason that I didn't get fired. I would drink all day on the job, go out for lunch and drink my lunch and just keep on going right into the next day.
Needless to say there were many days that I didn't make it to work. By the time I was 26 years old I was one mess. And I still didn't think my drinking was the reason. When I say that today I shake my head and have to laugh. Thank God I still have a head to shake!
Finally I came home one morning and was trying to take my life again, when Chris told me to call AA or get out, "AA" whats that?" I made that call and Jack made the 12 step call and ask me if I wanted to go to a meeting that night. The meeting was at Miami Beach.
Finally, Honesty
Walking into the meeting I saw this Rolls Royce parked at the door, this guy came to the meeting in a house boat and one of the speakers flew his plane in from the Keys. I sat at that meeting with my eyes popping out of my head. I met some of the finest people I ever met in my life.The lady who speaking first told her story and I just couldn't belive what I was hearing. She was not only telling my life but she was sober for 20 years. Needless to say I was in awe. That night I made my first honest move in my life, they were giving out the white chip and Jack told me to go and get one. I told Jack, "No I can't. I have not been sober for 24 hours yet and to be honest didn't think I would ever be sober for 24 hours."
Well on the way home from the meeting Jack said if you want to go to more meetings I will be glad to take you, if you want to drink I will drop you off at the bar. He told me not to waste his time, as there were plenty of people out there who did want to stay sober.
To be honest with you he p***** me off! Thank God I said, "Okay, let's go to more meetings!" We even went to another meeting that night. As I said I could go on all night, but let me get to what I am here for and that is the 1st step. When I heard the first step I kind of felt some kind of relief, "Gee, I am not crazy. I am sick!"
A Proud Alcoholic
Believe you me this did make sense to me. I took this step and went with it for over a year. What I mean by that is that I didn't take any of the other steps for the first year in AA. I went to over 365 meetings that first year, I was hanging on for dear life. I had a great sponsor, who has passed on, but is in my heart each day of my life.Once I started taking the 12 steps like I should, my life did make some big changes; it hasn't been all roses or a picnic for me, but the first step was the beginning of a new life for me. The first step has lead me to an unbelievable life. The first step was the beginning to help me believe in a higher power, which I choose to call God.
Today I am a proud Alcoholic. I did go back out after being sober for 7 years and stayed out for 10 years, at which time I became a full blown drugger. And again tried to kill myself, but only through the grace of God and grabbing on to the first step again I have been able to stay sober for 16 years now. And I am damn well proud of it.
I have told many a newcomer to grab on to that first step and jump into AA with both feet, and stick with the winners.
Loveya,
Skip
