Why Did You Have the Intervention?
Age 30. After hospitalizations for dehydration, and malnutrition, and then, later a detoxification program in another hospital, my father seemed to be getting worse whether from the relative isolation of his last three week hospitalization or the drugs that were being administered to him. I had detoxed him several times at that point by myself, watching him vigilantly and feeding him and making sure he drank liquids, but could not sustain that level of care after these initial periods of time. He relapsed and I was losing my hold. I had no one to support me and was a transplant in the country that my dad was living in
How Did It Work?
I called my Dad's brother to help me and he flew down. I went with my Uncle and letters from each of his siblings and from my brother and sister and the simple plan was to take a moment to read them to him and tell him that it was time to seek a higher level of treatment than could be provided in the country we were living without him speaking the language fluently. And certainly a higher level of care then I was willing or able to give him. We had a book about interventions that my Uncle brought and we tried to keep it well regimented and to follow the formulas provided in the book. It was a disaster. He wouldn't look or listen to the heart rending letters that I was tearfully reading to him from the most important people in his life. To the appeal he said flat out 'no' and he said he was busy and had things to do and would not be deterred. He was unpleasantly surprised by the appearance of his brother, whom he is fond of normally. He treated me like a piece of scum, upstart, betrayer, etc. He blithely told us all to go to hell and then tried to wrest a credit card that he had bestowed to me earlier to pay for the hospitalizations. He chased me through the halls of the hospital when I refused to give it to him intent on taking it back violently. Afterward, he calmed but did not relent. We traveled back to our town together several hours in a car and he was the most negative, unhappy person I have ever been in the presence of to this day. A complete nightmare and I felt my failure also to be complete. He returned to work like a demon taking all control and rampantly undoing what had been done (his perception) in his absence. He was not kind to me and we did not speak much. After three months of tenaciously hanging on to his sobriety by sheer force of will he relapsed in a business-critical moment and much drama and fallout ensued. He then made the decision to go to the rehab in the USA. It has been a long road with relapses and more treatments but he is now more than 6 months sober and we are working together and living in separate houses in the same town. I love my Dad and seeing him during this difficult stage in his life has been humbling for both of us. I continue to wish good recovery to him and worry about my role in this situation.
Advice
- Take heart. I felt this episode to be a terrible failure, but when he finally made the decision to help himself his recovery began.
- All we can do is strongly urge our loved ones in this situation, the ultimate responsibility was his and his alone.
- Urge them with love and observations and the letters were amazingly true to this concept, naturally, right from the heart it came out that way.
- Don't argue, bicker, or accuse, I suppose.
- The more close people, the better I think, and in that way we were geographically estranged from many of the people whose presences could have helped.
