What was your lowest point?
On December 31. 1972 at age 11, I had my first glass of bubbly to bring in 1973 with my parents and their friends. That first glass turned into 38 years of drinking! The final ten years were cluttered with blackouts, arguments, bitterness and loneliness. On December 3, 2009 at age 48 I attempted to take my life. As a matter of fact I succeeded for a moment in-time and on their third try, I was resuscitated. I did not see the white light nor a choir singing, there were no birds chirping or the sound of his soft graceful voice. I was still here and now I had to answer to questions to which I had no understanding.
What Did You Do to Change?
The first question was from my wife, "do you hate us this much that you had to end your life"? I answered "no, it was the booze, it took me by the hand, it convinced me I was doing it for you. I think I am an alcoholic." She vowed that I was not coming home until I was cured. Two men visited my bedside, they were from AA. We talked and I liked what they said, specially the "your not alone in this, we can help" part. They convinced my wife to take me home when I was allowed. After my release from hospital, I attended my first AA meeting. They met every morning Monday-Friday. The group is fantastic, they made me feel like a person from the get go. But, when out of my mouth came those words, "my name is Carl, I'm an alcoholic" the tears wouldn't stop. I was introduced to the Big Book and given a list of meetings. They told me to do as many meets a day, 90 in 90! And from that day I have attended Big Book Studies, chaired meetings and enjoy speaker meetings. I got a home group and a sponsor by second Month. To my surprise, I have not turned to the bottle when burdens of life turn on me, I turn to the rooms of AA, the fellowship and my higher power who I call God. I have learned to keep my ego at bay and allow my Zen to be the guiding way of justice. I have 12-stepped a few and sponsored part-time as a fill-in. I try to be as active as I can, helping where I can and who I can be of help too. I'm coming up to 10 month's sobriety and absolutely enjoying life on life's terms. I just wish this miracle could have happened to me sooner.
My Name Is Carl and I am a grateful alcoholic.
- Alcohol is not your friend! A friend doesn't lead you down the one-way path of destruction to death's row!
- A friend doesn't put a loaded gun into your hand and help to pull the trigger! Alcohol is not your friend!
- Good Orderly Direction is my definition for God. He or She is my higher power that directs me down the path of recovery. God is my salvation, my Friend.
- Accept life on life's terms, live in today. Don't forget yesterday, but don't dwell on it, let it go and be done with it. Why worry about tomorrow? It will come soon enough and become today, and we live for today not yesterday or tomorrow.