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Readers Respond: How Do You Feel Growing Up With an Alcoholic Parent Has Changed You?

Responses: 981

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Updated September 22, 2012

It Hurts

My Dad is an Angry alcoholic, it's not like her ever tried to waste our money or hate us, but when he's drunk, he'll do ANYTHING just to get the last word, which means hitting me and my brother. My Brothers Has high functioning autism, which means he can do everything Normal, he just has troubles learning. (But every single autistic kid is different) My Grandmother, who I was EXTREMELY close with died this past summer, (my moms mom) and my dad's mom has cancer now. My uncle also has kidney cancer, and my moms is torn up about it, plus her other brother died 20 some years ago, leaving my uncle (the one who died) with a two year old son and a wife, left behind. My Father was never very supported with all this, and drank. My moms wants to move out and I think we should. I NEVER tell anyone this, but I know how bad everyone has it, so I keep to myself! But having an alcoholic Dad sucks! He used to hold our wrist till they turned bright red and we would cry and cry. He'd spank us too!
—Guest Jackie

Mom and Dad

How do I feel? LOST! I am over 50 and was raised with an alcoholic father who molested my sister. She was 11 years older than me. My mom just drank.... my dad died when i was 7. He never touched me, that i recall. I am a very bright, outgoing person, but only because that is how I cover up this horrible pain I feel. I can only imagine that I could have been a doctor, lawyer, .... but was never given any power to do so. What a waste. Now I can almost feel free to hate my mom and dad,... it doesnt bother me that much, or does it?
—Guest Linda

I'm scared

I grew up in an alcoholic environment. My dad too was an alcoholic. I tried many, many times to talk to my daddy about his drinking. Im not sure how your dad drinks but my dad was a evening drinker. He worked a full time job, never late and in 26 years never missed a day of work. BUT every Wednesday when he got his check it went straight to the liquor store. He had a charge account at that store do when he got paid he owed most of his paycheck to them. So on and on it went. We would have gone hungry and naked if it were not for our mother. But getting to your concern, Its difficult to know if you can even talk to your dad. Is he always drunk, or he is angry all the time? Does he abuse you or any of your family? I could talk to my dad. He was not an angry drunk he was a sloppy drunk. IT is horrible. When I did talk to my dad he would cry and say " Im never going to drink another drop" BUT he did every time. BUT every time he said those words to me I sat and listened and hoped.
—fjones446

The Night

One night my dad got really angry at my brother and he hit him. They got into a huge fist fight. When my mom finally was able to break it up me and my sister were in my bedroom holding my nephew. We vowed that day to never tell Aiden what happened. I must be honest this brought back a lot of horrible memories. I just hope that you will be able to get over what happened to u. I also need help figuring out y I always beat up my sis when I'm mad at her. I really need help so somebody please help me
—Guest Alissa

Upset

Lately many depressing things have happened. My grandfather has died, my mother was divorced, and now she's starting to waste money on alcohol. What upsets me is I may remember something she clearly does earlier that day, but ( EVEN on school nights) at about 11pm-12am, she will bust in my door, scream at me for locking it, blame me for things she's done, and says, "You don't care anymore, so why should I?!" Because you're my MOM?! She's threatened to send me with my godparents, even though this is not my problem for the most part. She's a monster. She doesn't know I've been cutting. She doesn't know I've been depressed. She knows nothing, or my reasoning ( if she even lets me talk). I'm so close to the edge.
—Guest NotAlone

It slightly ruined me.

Its made me see another side to my dad that I thought was only in movies & for people who were terrible people. I hate alcohol. I hate drunk adults
—Guest Jaz.

Alcoholic mom

After reading about 30 stories I'm glad to hear I'm not alone. I'm 17 and my mother has been an alcoholic all my life. I have two older sisters and we all care about her. She loves us when she's sober.when she's drunk tho she's different she blames everybody for her faults makes us feel guilty. She got so bad one time she ended up in the hospital then to rehab. Thinking she would stop when she got out. I was wrong she only continued again blaming me for wanting to join the military and my sisters for going away to college. There little things, no abuse, but the mental toll it had on us is though to live with. I don't get why she can't just stop, just simply stop drinking. From reading these responses I sense a unity with strangers who face the same problems me and my sisters have. It has already affected me as I have little to no friends, I don't like partying or having fun and I plan on never drinking because I'm afraid I will end up like her.by writing this I feel a weight being life
—Guest CBA

I'm scared

Its absolutely horrible. Every night I have to fear the noise of hearing the door open because i'm terrfied that my dad will be drunk. it really scares me because just yells at all of us, calls my mum vile names. and it terrifies me. I wish he would stop drinking. Does anyone know a way I could tell him to stop drinking because it's just horrible
—Guest nik

I hate alchohol

Hi my name is Zane and my dads been an alcoholic ever since I remember and it's just getting worse. He and my mom fight all the time and I wish I could do something to help it but every time me or my mom try to tell him something he snaps and starts getting hostile. He hides all his hard liquor and tonight I found 4 empty bottles of E&J mini bottles under his chair. He refuses to sleep in a bed because he cant hide any liquor in there without waking my mom up at night. He doesn't even act like my father anymore. But when hes sober hes fine and I love every sober second i get with him but thats a rarity! He refuses to get help because he thinks nothings wrong.
—Guest Zane

Is it wrong to want him dead?

After my graduation in 2008 everything went sour. I only have faint memories of my parents arguing but that year was when I was traumatized by the thought of my dad's hands around my mom's throat. It has been 5 years and within those years I fee like I am in hell where my dad is verbally abusive to my mom and hates us, yet won't leave. Sometimes I wish he died of alcohol poisoning. It makes me angry that my mom is with him. There are some days where I feel like I am losing my mind and the only way out is suicide. I don't socialize in public much anymore, I don't hang around anyone who drinks, and I have developed a perfectionist personality to the point of stress. I barely eat much anymore. I have talked with a counsel, but I am afraid of involving my parents so I leave out the real issues. It is good to know that I am not alone in this so I can be strong too.
—Guest Rachel

He never will know...

My father has been an alcoholic even before I was born. I remember all of the abuse that happened to me and my family. He suffered a couple of strokes and rewrote what happened in the past. It would seem the pain was too much for him to handle, that the story was skewed to reflect a better more kind environment. I ate a lot and never cared about my weight. I ate to compensate and cope with my pain. I lost a lot of the weight, but I still eat out of comfort today. For the first time in my life I found a stable relationship in my 30's; however, it still has ups and downs. We both have had our share of abuse and try to cope with such. I still feel the need for approval, from my friends, at work, people I don't even know or interact with anymore. It really sucks and I'm sick off it! I still consider myself the luckiest man to find such a great woman, but sometimes I feel like she deserves better, someone who can focus more clearly and not full of pain, anger, and envy.
—Guest Richard

The worst dad, maybe

Ok so I'm only 12 but my dad has always been a drunk he is also a redneck. my mother left him when I was 6 he actually kicked us out I stay with my mom and go see my dad on thurs and fri and every other weekend. on the days I go there he is not home he leaves me with his girl friend who I don't like, and he only came to 3 things at my school ever 1 was a play and the others were basketball games and when he is at home he is drunk and can get really strict and he yells at his gf. he always says I'm his number one his all his everything but I never see him and he gets mad over every thing. I feel be aide of this I have a naturally depressed personality. my normal face is a frown I have to really try to get excited and happy and he even tho he doesnot get happy u can tell he thinks I'm not good enough. he use to say I was out of shape even when I wasn't and I think he is the reason I am now 175 pounds at 5'5". he has caused to much stress that has ruined my life:(
—Guest M

Liar, drunk and pill addicted father

My dad has always been an alcoholic. Since I was born. It got so bad that he passed out from a pill overdose and bring overt drunk. That was the day my mum decided to walk out on him. I was 4. They went to court and my dad barely even fought to see me and my sister my mum was the one that even suggested for us to visit him! He was more concerned about the money. We went over every second weekend and he always mixed drinks in the boot of the car before drink driving with his 2 daughters in the car! We only truly worked out that all of this was happening by the time I was 13. He is so emotionally abusive it's unbearable. I also believe that he may have touched me and my sister at a young age. I want to kill him and I wouldn't care if he died! His abuse of prescription pills and alcohol had made me quite an angry person but I hide it. I HATE him
—Guest Angry

Still in recovery

That pain in my gut is still with me today. A young child should never lie in bed in fear of a parent coming home drunk, arguments. Verbal abuse. Spitting insults at all hours. Constant worry.crying shaking. What kind of mother does this to her child? Some people should never have kids. There was five of us.we r strong now. Still insecure. Still love my manipulative mam x
—Guest Ag

Heartbroken

My dad drunk himself to death ..... I am lost dad without you . You was a great dad that loved me so much and I begged you to stop the drink . You raised me from the tender age of 5 and you was my hero than at 35 you left me all alone and I am heartbroken . You dad died to soon at 59 I wish you was here I really do .i didn't care how difficult you was I would have you back.
—Guest Dean

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