Even after he left...
- My father has been an alcoholic for his entire life.. For the past 21 years of my life, an alcoholic father that mentally abused my mother and I seemed to be "normal." My mother stayed by his side hoping a positive change would occur. After the abuse became unbearable, my mother finally divorced him two years ago. Up until recently, I always thought I turned out pretty decent considering my past. I was proud to not have the "daddy issues" and resentment towards an alcoholic father. But then I began an intimate relationship and started to realize that the demise of my relationship all rooted from both the subconscious and conscious issues I have with my father. It doesn't help that my partner doesn't understand my past and drinks out of retaliation. It's sad that this is what the relationship has come to. As of now, I am conflicted with making a decision to leave my partner or stay even though his drinking hurts me. I despise alcohol and what it has done to my family.
- —Guest Kim B
Long Line of Alcoholics
- My mother's parents are alcoholics and she exhibits every ACoA trait I've ever seen. She's also an alcoholic, she admits she's an alcoholic, but since she's a functioning alcoholic she doesn't want to change. "It's what I know." What do you do when you're raised to act like an adult as a small child by someone who was raised the same way *and* is an alcoholic themselves? I can tell you the moment my mother's second drink has hit her because of the slight personality shift that happens, even though it's very small. Is that what we all know? I see myself in her, especially the ACoA traits. I don't drink very often, once or twice a month, but when I do it definitely falls under the 'binge drinking' category. This is something I started going to therapy for in my mid-twenties. Then I quit because it was too difficult. I was forced to face that today when I finally put two and two together. A six year relationship gone because of my issues. Therapy here I come!
- —Guest Amy
I lost my self somewhere...
- I am 20. My dad drinks, has been drinking i think from the time when he was 17 or may be more but his love for alcohol ruined my love for him. His frustration, pains and losses have been suffering points for me because I had to face that all and my mom too. Times were bad but he was worse maybe because he lost all hopes or maybe he was not ready for a family! well what ever the reasons were but that pain of child hood still hurts me till now . I dont blame him exactly because i never knew and still dont know from what all stuff he has been through but i blame him for not having enough courage during those times to support emotionally not financially! to his family because i think love is something that keeps u strong during tough times and if u lack that u shatter! I being sensitive suffered emotional breakout.. as a kid its like holding a mountain on your little finger! i mean when u have to go through so much.. but today with tim things r better not because he stopped drinking but because i made myself strong.
- —Guest jot
The family disease was passed on
- Growing up with parents obsessed by alcohol, it really should be no surprise that I am an alcoholic (recovered/ing). All their sick alcoholic traits were passed down to me and it is now up to me to recover from their dysfunction. I identify strongly with the laundry list (14 traits of adult children of alcoholics) and 'the problem' - a description of those traits read at ACoA meetings. But even if I never picked up a drink I'd still be left with the mental, emotional and physical scars from living with alcoholic/dysfunction parents. The sad thing is they simply passed on what they'd been given which happened to be a disease. I hope my recovery in AA and ACoA halts the spread to my children!
- —Guest makomago
- My dad has been an alcoholic since I can remember. My mum raised 4 children (1 autistic) by herself, I know she tried her best but I can't forgive her for not leaving my father. I never got attention from him, only criticism and embarrassment. This is probably why I am so clingy to my boyfriend and crave any male attention. I am not sure what he has done to me as I can't pinpoint it yet.. I have seen a lot more than other girls my age and am very insecure and anxious. Alcohol is disgusting.
- —Guest c (22)
- I felt very angry growing up with an alcoholic and married one. I hate alcohol and what it did to me
- —Guest Shelly
Growing up with two alcoholic parents
- My step father who I admire with the up most respect was a functioning alcoholic who had an open mind for the most part. He meant well and his intentions were for the love of his kids including me his step daughter. I didn't know if i could be loved by someone who wasn't my real dad and i didn't know how and i didn't know really if it was o k or not.There were times in my life that my step father embarrassed me in front of my friends and i resented him for that. He would scream at me and curse me or say something on purpose to embarrass me when he was drunk. My mother was the same way, i think she despised me because she started a new family and i just got in the way. i was always a burden to them, because i didn't have a real father to step in and care for me. I didn't get a lot of love from either parent growing up, i couldn't be academically active because my parents weren't able to drive me to practice or any social activity. I think it left me bitter but more knowledgeable.
- Currently, instead of using alcohol to deal with things, I am using alcohol to deal with alcohol.
- —Guest Cheffy
Just another kid
- I have grown up with both an alcoholic mother and an alcoholic father, Im writing this in hopes anyone can relate, so they can feel my support and not feel alone, dealing with the issues around this abuse can tear a person down to nothing, cause when you don't have a family then what do you have? nothing... my mom told me "son, tequila and weed are the best things on this planet" she drinks 2 wine glasses of 1800 a night and my father has passed out drunk on burben since i could remember... the odd thing is, i never faced the obvious truth... that my parents were serious alcoholics, i have memories of me and my brother crawling on my passed out dad opening his eyelids and laughing cause he wouldnt wake up... a harmless memory until i faced reality, i have never in my life seen a night in which they have not drank... they are beyond turning back, and now im left with damage control, i just am forced to love them while i have them, i ignore all the drinking and show them im here for them.
- —Guest adam
- I too grew up with an alcoholic mother, who was a closet drinker and weekend alcoholic. She and my dad divorced when I was 3 and I moved with my mom and step dad, he was married before with 3 children way older than my sister and I, I was the youngest. My step dad is 13 years older than my mom and he to lied to drink when ever possible, it seemed like very time they drank my mom would go crazy screaming and crying and accusing him of something, which I now believe because he was a sneeky, cheap, ignorant bastard, who abused my sister and I every chance he got. My mom neglected me my whole life, to be with my step father. All I wanted was to be loved and have attention and now it seems like the more woman love me the more I push them away, it has already ruined relationships and screwed me up mentally, I honestly don't know if I'll ever be able to love in return, I still don't have a normal relationship with my mom, because I resist her due to the neglect when I was a child. help please
- My mum and dad were alcoholics. They had fights that led to serious harm to each other or the family there was lots of rowdy partying and often my mother would black out and forget to do things for us kids . I am 40 now and it still affects me . I have fought my demons by not drinking but the emotional scars run deep . My brother self harmed a few years ago he cut his finger of . We are both on antidepressants for being ridiculed neglected abused physically mentally. I clung to my mum for years worrying my dad would hurt her and isolated myself because I was ashamed of what was happening in my home.my dad would swear at my visitors. I was relieved when he passed away which I find quite sad. My mum is still alive but has never admitted to the damages she has done she blames dad. Life is so short and I am learning from the past by loving my kids that much more. Relationships are still hard to establish trust but I am working on it. Someone's gotta be the hero in the end.
- —Guest Sue
- Im 32 and I have grown up with a verbally and emotionally abusive alcoholic mother who is also a narcissist. It is so hard because she can be a wonderful human being at times and so loving, but an absolute monster at other times. She always needs to be the center of attention and is always creating dramas and expecting everyone to feel sorry for her even though it is her fault that everything has happened to her. I am a grown adult but have been financially supporting her for a long time and that includes buying her alcohol. I have grown up with this tragedy all my life - divorce, abuse, poverty and alcoholism. I have tried so hard to make something of my life but she keeps pulling me down with her depression and nastiness. Sometimes I just hang my head and cry, sometimes I hate her so much, I have so much anger for her. I find it hard to trust other people, and human contact feels uncomfortable for me - I am so unhappy in my life and it is all because I cant turn my back on her.
- —Guest rita_32
Dad and Mom
- My parents got divorced when I was 3. Me and my sister both had to move into a very small apartment. He was an alcoholic and addicted to many other things. i have not seen my dad in 3 years. My mom too is an alcoholic. She tried to commit suicide yesterday, i had to take the knife and put it away. I am 16. No parents.
- —Guest Guest Jordan
My mum is an alcoholic
- Since I was 7 my mum has been an alcoholic to the point I had to go to boarding school from 8-18. She gets terribly drunk 3-4 times a week systematically. Once she is drunk She gets really rowdy and starts shouting and throwing things at people. When I was 12 on new years I found her at the hotel bar drunk and attempted to help her to her room when she called me a dirty bastard like my dad then hit me. When I was 16 she came back drunk and through a bottle at me, a bottle of perfume and tried to kick me down the stairs. Earlier this week when I tried to confront her she said that she would stab me with a knife if I stopped her and then said that I ruined her life and should have been aborted. Tonight when out with my dad she was drunk and caused a seen in front of everyone where she spat at him and through and ash tray at him. After all this I have managed to separate myself from everything and no longer look at her as a parent or mother but as an individual with problems
- —Guest Alex
Same for me
- My father is an alcoholic but is in denial. I do try and tell him but he gets defenseless and starts shouting the odds. I am 13 years old and he has always liked a drink from when I can remember, but when I was 11 my mother pasted away and he suffers with depression because of my mother's death so his drinking has worsened. I would love for him to just drink less or even better.... quite for good. I don't like it when I walk in from school and he is already drunk I just want him to stop now but don't know what to do.
- —Guest chelzz