Lost the love of my life
- My partner just broke up with me because she found me controlling and too demanding, which I can see now comes from being an Adult Child...didn't know until she left unfortunately. I know she is the love of my life and that no one will ever come around like her again, but because I had not dealt with the alcoholism issue from my childhood (Dad drank, Mom ignored the issue though she got us out of the alcoholism and abuse). I don't know how to get her back, I think at this point she is gone so growing up with an alcoholic parent lost my one chance at true happiness with a woman who is just perfect for me. I now realize I need to treat myself better, give myself more credit, etc. but I also still feel incredibly guilty for putting her through that, and only want to make it up to her. Characteristics of being an ACA I suppose.
- —Guest Xhris C.
I hate my dad and alcohol
- My childhood was a nightmare. My dad took most of the money my mum made for alcohol. I had one pair trousers, one pair of shoes and 2 tshirts. Barely enough money for food, some nights I would go without food. I walked almost 2miles to and from school. And he came home drunk almost everyday for 7years. I got kick out of school so many times for not having fees. My mom was working(cleaning toilets) in the uk. I didn't want to tell mum because she would get stressed. Whenever I asked for money for food,clothes etc. he didn't give me any. The worst thing is a saw him cheating on my mom. 7 years later I'm expected to look at this man and call him dad. He was never there for me what so ever. I hate him. I don't even want to get drunk because I feel like I'm becoming him. I got to bed and cry because I missed my mom. And thinking if she was here none of this would have happened. (Saddest time of my life). No one was there for me, and there is a hole in my heart.
- —Guest Johny
It took me years to realize...
- My parents separated when I was a bit younger than four. Neither of them wanted the "other" to have me, so I was parentally kidnapped by my mother, my father refused to support me, when his parents died he took what they'd left me secretly. I didn't see him for ten years and when I met him, he wanted me to drink with him. His wife no longer would and my half brother was too young, although next in line. My mother never could manage her life as a single parent, so having a roof over our heads was always a challenge. She worked hard, but always came home late after work. I was a latch key kid from age 9, and always spent summer with away. I raised myself because I was secretive about what was going on at home. There was never any physical violence, but a lot of neglect and after her re-marriage to a fellow drinker, more of same and worse. I have been faking being normal for 50 years.
- —Guest 65 and still unhappy
Struggling still co-dependency
- I'm 46 and never had a relationship until I was 42. I struggle every day with ACOA issues. I'm terrified of commitment, marriage and always find someone who lives miles away so they can see me only on weekends. As I was reading these characterics I cried my eyes out because it was me....
- —Guest Super1
the worst part...
- The worst part of being raised in a family where dad was a violent alcoholic, and mom was an emo-alcoholic is not all that my good fellows have mentioned. Not for me. I too have suffered the symptoms and have spent most of my 40 years trying to figure out where I fit in (if at all?). But the worst part is seeing the monster rear it's ugly face in the mirror! The worst part is acquiring the family "inheritance", and watching the horror in my own children's eyes, as they try to muddle thru the swamps of alcoholism. I never thought I would would be a social drinker, and I wish I'd never tried.
- —Guest jennyfromtheblock
I just cried
- Because every single thing on that list described me. I now understand this pain and why I've felt so different from others...I'm 18 and been affected by an alcoholic parent since early childhood. There is no end to this, I'm suffocating.
- —Guest Dried leaves
- My alcoholic Mom was off-duty after dinner was served. For many of my formative years I was parked in front of a TV with a bag of chips. Pervasive neglect. I realized recently that I have been greatly disappointed that my needs weren't addressed. As such, I have been waiting and really paralyzed or continuing to replay the old script and not moving forward to fully live my life. The laundry list is true in many ways. Fear, not knowing how to have fun, being super responsible, workaholic, guessing at what normal is - all true. It has affected me honoring myself, being in relationships that don't meet my needs, not even knowing at times what my needs even are. This is an ongoing process. I am learning more and more to be responsible for my own happiness.
- —Guest Leslie
I dont fear death, life is scary
- From the begining of my life to her death I was responsible for my mom. She was a drunk, and the worse posion c,,hild could have. My life has been affected in negitive ways due to my up bringing. I can't keep a relationship, I don't trust anyone....I'm just a exsistance
- —Guest jim martin
- Well, my mothers been drinking from the beginning, from what I know she's been drinking for at least 30 years. I've been through her draws at a younger age and have read the notes written by her to family members, she did go to get professional help, but it obviously hasn't worked. The first big event I remember happening as a result of her being drunk is the time she crashed the car on a roundabout on her way home from work - I was only about 5. Another big event that happened was when she left home as a result of being completely off it, and left me a note saying that she has gone and didn't want anything to do with us (my dad and brothers). Well that didn't last long.. She was somehow braught home. Things started to die down, we all learnt to cope with her getting drunk, but as the years have gone on, and we have lost our grandmother (her mother) she's gotten a lot worse, I can't even bare to look my mother in the eyes anymore. I have really grown to hate my mother.
- —Guest Lucy
Alcoholics exhist in nice families
- I am 50 and grew up in an upper class family. My patents were both well educated and prominent in the university and education community in our town. By all accounts, we were a great family. However, as I got older and into my early teens I realized my dad drank too much. At that same time, he and my mom started having bad fights-screaming, slamming doors, etc. It became this love / hate type of relationship. They were great partners and loved each other, but when he drank and she drank (but not like he did) it was ugly. Even worse, they'd try to pull me into the argument to pick a side. The next day there would be apologies and proclomations of love. Talk about drama and stress! so... I married a calm, easy-going man who changed my view of marriage. We have a great family, a fun home and we are social drinkers. No drama! Just happiness. You can chose the life you want. You don't have to let the sins of your parents dominate your life. Choose to be something better. Don't wallow in it.
- —Guest Free and Happy
- When I was 7 my dad started to drink alcohol very often. Nobody knew why but I think it was due to his job. His problem was worser and worser. I remember that he always forget to taking us (me and my younger bro) from school. And teachers must called my mum to her job that nobody come from us. She must run from her job but she worked so far so sometimes she must phoned our neighbour to take us from school because our mum shouldnt come at time for us. 3 years. 3 years of hell. When I was ten they divorced. He didnt work ..he wasted all our money what my mum did , to alcohol. It was horrible when my mum must slept with wallet under the pillow. Then he went to his mother to another city and I haven't seen him since this moment. I'm 14 now. And my life much much much better. I'm not scared when I'm coming home if hes drunk again. I know that in our family is calm now without him. We are happy :) I hope that hes too. Mm..but I think hes not :P
- —Guest georgia
- My dad was the drinker in my family. As an only child, there were normal times with supportive aunts & uncles and crazy times at home. I remember my mom trying to get my dad into rehab and leaving him, if only for 24 hours, in the hopes of causing change. My mom died when I was 15 and I moved in with an aunt 8 months later. As an adult I crave order, rules, and control. I'm an anxious people pleaser who hates confrontation. I'm sure some of it's me, but I wonder how much is a result of growing up in an alcoholic household.
- —Guest Anonymous
vodka stole my life
- both parents were alcoholics to be honest, they didnt see what they were doing until they had destroyed our home. Coupled with feeling of fear, neglect and shame on a daily basis one comes to the undeniable understanding that these people we called parents simply didnt care. I have alot of deep dwelling anger inside me. But playing the blame game never wins any prizes and the rules are different for everyone. got my own kids now who i spoil rotten, avoid the booz and dont let them near the stuff. The bottle is not your friend
- —Guest cleva treva
It Has Affected Me
- My dad is an alcoholic. He hurts my mom and my siblings and I both physically and emotionally. It has definitely affected me. I have been binge eating since 9 years old, and cutting and starving myself. I'm trying to stop, though. I feel like it's all my fault.
- —Guest Anonymous
The crap we went through.
- Hi im Cooper and im a 18 year old boy from Texas. My life has not been what it should have been. Im sure many people can relate. It started out when i was really young. As far back as i can remember my father was a alcoholic. I never knew what life was like before about two years ago. I willl sum up what happened because i know these memories hurt to many people, not just me. My mother and I went through the beatings, the screaming, being told we were pieces of shit. Also having a loaded gun pointed at her head isn't comforting either. When i became old enough I started standing up for my Mother and I. Me and my Father would get in fist fights. Real ones where we didn't care what happened to the other. These ended up bad for both of us and hurt us very bad. My mother soon divorced my father of 18 years and we are now living in peace. I know many people have stories like this. This is the first time ive ever came public about this and i really appreciate anybody reading this.
- —Guest Cooper