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Readers Respond: How Do You Feel Growing Up With an Alcoholic Parent Has Changed You?

Responses: 1044

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Updated September 22, 2012

Pathetic father like pathetic son

My dad has put himself in hospital a couple of times because of his drinking problem. He barley escaped the last time. He swore to the doctor that he will never touch the drink again but here I am now spilling my story on the internet hoping this will all blow over. So I come home from my friends house around 8pm and walk through the door and my dads sitting in his chair telling me 'you failed again..why didn't you bring home my beer' to my rage I pretty much lost my shit by the fact he was commanding his 21yr old son to fetch him his poison...in that moment I left the house in a blind rage only to drive to the next bottle shop and retrieve his beer. When I came back I was a different person. I would usually mutter out some snarky comment but it just wasn't worth it, that I have no respect for him anymore and that I have no father. He is dead to me inside and out.
—Guest Caz

My love/hate for my dad..

Im 15, I have 4 sisters one brother , my dad & mom been togther since they were little his mom & brother died, early 8o's his been an alocholic his 50 , his has always been a abusaive person fighting w/ everyone in the house even animals. Im the last daughter. He doesnt hit me & my mom anymore. Its me & my brother at home w/ my dad 5 days a week drinks every night he becomes a diffrent person that I sometimes hate with all my life. But then he sometimes is a nice drunk. We are all used to his drinking. But we dont fight all the time. He doesnt have a job my mom pays for EVERYTHING. My mom couldn't leave him been togther for to long. I really hate when we fight when he is drunk,next morning he wakes up like nothing happend sometimes. Sometimes I wanna run away. Schools hard I hate life . I wish I had normal life. I live away from my sisters. My only support is my brother. I'd probly kill myself if it wasnt for him. I fake everything about me.to hide everythi
—Guest Thatonegiel

Realisation after realisation

I've just turned 30, I went to AA for myself last year, it helped me to stop binge drinking on the weekends which had been messing up my life for years and was beginning to make me seriously depressed, always so many plans and ideas, things I was going to do but the weekends always put a stop to any development. Then through AA and counselling I realised how much of an effect my parents have had on me, an alcoholic father and mother (a mother who could control it to an extent). I stopped going to AA after 6 months because AA says 'we cant do this on our own, we are powerless', this didnt sit right with me, after 15 years of binge drinking I had finally found confidence in myself that I never had even before I started drinking so I knew this was a deeper rooted problem. Now that I've peeled back the layers, the drugs, the drink, the constantly searching for something to make me feel better I have finally had the courage to look at the main problem that is fear of intimacy, abandonment
—Guest johno

I can't keep going like this

I'm 14 and I have been living with alcoholic father for all my life. As I was younger I didn't understand where the problem was, but now that I know how everything is and I can't change the fact it really is sad. About two years ago I would beg him to stop and cry a lot, but now I can't take it anymore. When I see him yelling I talk back to him. It's not good. Once he almost hit me, but good thing that my brother stepped in. I didn't talk about it with friends. I don't know how can our family keep living. My mother always says that she'll divorce with him, but it never happened..it hurts..
—Guest anonymoussonie

My dad drinks to much, he's an alcoholic

I'm 16 and I can't help but notice how he always drinks something. He starts early in the morning and doesn't stop until he goes to sleep. So yeah, he's always drunk. And then he is really annoying, and have bad temper. He never didn't hit me be he yells a lot and make fun out of me and my little brother and my mum. I just feel bad because he is hurting everybody in this house. I don't want him to be like that but i can't tell him he'll just yell even more and then go drink something somewhere. I can't tell my mum she doest listen to me. Nobody does. I just wish he'll stop soon.
—Guest just me

It Still Continues

My alcoholic mother has mostly been mentally abusive all my life, and the last few years it's become physical towards me. She mistreats (slap, screams at for 7 hours etc) my ailing 90 year old grandma and hits my father. I was silent at school and had very few friends. Through her abuse I learned to be kind to others I suspected had a rough life, but instead of gaining friendship I became a counselor to them and my mother, who I have been counseling since the day I was born. I am the only one in my family to stand up to her and because of this the rest get angry at me for setting her off because she tends to turn on everyone when upset. She is an extreme narcissist and no matter what I do or say she believes she is right and I am wrong. I went off to college only to find myself back at home without a job after becoming ill. Now I am being sucked back into the cycle of abuse I know has severely damaged me. I cut off my friends and am very isolated and alone. It gets better but not yet.
—Guest Guest wha

It's not an easy experience

My father does not drink but he does hit me and threaten me over small things such as loud music and so on. He also tends to hit me about stupid things such as taking a shower that he deemed too long. No one should live through such hardships, my father has yelled at me telling me "I deserve your respect and I'll knock your teeth out if I don't get it" I honestly didn't know what to do. I've thought if suicide but that would only make it worse, I just hope one day I can stand up for myself and let him known I don't appreciate being beaten, and called a failure.
—Guest Vincent Figueroa

Living with an alcoholic mother

I'm 32 and have just been diagnosed with post traumatic stress syndrome. When the repressed memories returned st first I felt relief as my whole life inwardly and secretly I have felt so different. I've felt depressed , committed suicide at 13 and never really knew why. I was aware of my mothers drinking as a teenager and did everything I could to protect my brothers, I would run from school every night so that I could clear away the bottles and cans and get rid of the stench, most of the days she would of urinated either in her bed or on a carpet in the house. She would steal from work to pay for addiction and I would hide the evidence, petrified and ashamed people would find out she was a thief. I hated her so much in those years but yet I never told a sole. This compared to nothing when the repressed memories came, my whole life she had abused me sexually, physically and mentally. How I will get over this I don't know , the only reason I killed myself is my daughters
—tcgym

I probably need help

I'm 12 and I've dealt with an alcoholic father for 10 years of my life. My mother made the money, kept everything she could in order. When daddy came home drunk I would cry to him and he would buy me teddies and toys. Now I'm extremely aggressive and a control freak. But life goes on.
—Guest Dani

I want to be free

Lately I have become more cognizant of how angry I am. I want to enjoy things that are good. I have worked so hard to be what I think is considered normal but I still feel like a freak and am so lonely inside my heart. Embarrassingly, I am now 42 but just figured out in the last 2 years that my father was an alcoholic and my mother the enabler in full denial. I just thought my dad was crazy and my mom was weak and felt bad for him more than us. Like many others have noted, my mother always said "if you hadn't done" whatever thing enraged him then it would have been okay. We had to eat dinner locked in our bedroom because the dinner table made him crazy. I remember crying so much as a young child. Then when my sister was born I got a new mission to protect her and became the funny kid through major dissociation. I don't dissociate as much now but I want freedom from anger and jealousy for people with real parents and good friends. I will continue to flap until I fly.
—Guest DJ

Feral person

Growing up with an alcoholic father definitely shaped me. I'm 40 and single by choice. My relationships with men are purely sexual and not intimate. I went through a self destructive period of drinking heavily and hooking up with men. I did things that looking back on I don't understand or remember how or why I did them. I don't like to let people get to know me unless I feel really comfortable with them. People at my job don't know me. I don't let them get that close. I've worked there for 5 years and I never talk about what I do over the weekend. I have no desire to get married or have children. I have been working on building self esteem. I have worked on doing positive things for myself. I have learned not to tell my mother about anything positive that I do because she is very negative, manipulative and controlling. I feel like I was given crappy parents and now as an adult I have to parent myself, be kind to myself and take care because life is short. cry aboutit move on
—Guest Robyn

I'm only 12, he has hurt me so much

my dad is an alcoholic. i dont see him anymore...it just hurts too much. I've always remembered him as a drunken idiot, it's really sad how i don't remember the good times. me, my mum and my big brother moved house when i was 7. That was one of the best things that has ever happened to me! I still visited my dad tho. on Tuesdays for dinner and i stayed the night on friday. it is really scary living with an alcoholic dad, he was voilent to my brother and if my brother got hurt my dad would just laugh... he is very selfish and would say things to make himself look better. he would say things like " your just like your mother" then i'd scream back "thats a good thing cos i don't want to turn out like you" most of the time when i saw my dad i hardly got to spend any time wit him, he was always asleep on the couch....drunk. last year he came to my SCDA play drunk and i fell appart. i take really bad panick attacks for a year witch was absolutly terrifying. im really scared he'll die....
—Guest coley

on my own

I just recently lost my grandmother, and had not seen her in about 3 years, because my abusive father caused so much greif that she had a hearattack. I left my entire family and orphaned myself because I wanted to be done with them. but when she died, i was forced to deal with it, if only for a weekend. it still didn't get to him. I refuse to let them see or have any contact with my 8 year old daughter, because she doesn't deserve to grow up the way I was forced to. and I always have to catch myself when certain things go wrong, that I do not react like my father did. My mother hates her life so badly, she races home to get drunk. i have seen her do it. I used to drink, but wsomewhere along the line, I lost track and becasme what I hated. then I got sick, and needed surgery. I had to learn how to walk again. and in the end, realized i didn't need to drink anymore. so after an outburst by my drunk mother at a family get together, I lost it on everyone whe was drinking. I am an orphan.
—Guest bartman72

Everyday is a reminder

I am 25, i grew up in a house with an alcoholic father. He was physically abusive at least once or twice. He hit my mom a few times but felt bad and never did it again since we were little. He provided for us since we were born and pays all the bills for my mom. I think thats why she stays. He has always been rude to us i hardly remember hugs and kisses from him unless he was drunk and i was pissed at him. I moved out at 17. He beat me up one day after an argument about trash , i did nothing wrong i was in my room he came im drunk but this time i fought back. He paid for my college loans a year later but has been very bitter towards me about paying him his money back. He used to brag to other people about his financial status until he spent up his savings after years of frugal spending. Now he is angry and he is sick. I think he has Gout but all he does is drink instead of taking medicine. I think he is going to die soon, his liver cant take another sip. My mom still stays. I refuse.
—Guest Middle child

It feels so good to know ur not alone.

I'm in my 30's now, grew up with an alcoholic father, a mother that was to weak to leave him so my brother & I suffered all our childhood in a majorly dysfunctional environment. My dad was a drunk & the main bread winner, my mum was a stay at home mother that did what she thought was best. My dad would pick me up from school drunk, so embarrassing when friends wanted a lift. In our teens my brother was a drug addict & had huge nightly conflict with our father that resulted in physical violence. How am I now that an adult....messed up! I'm civil to my parents but chose to move to the other side of the country so I don't need to see them. My dad sobered up when I was 15 only after I forced mg mother to leave him. I have dysfunctional relationships, I push people away, I don't know how to have a normal friendship, compulsive disorders, & basically scared my life! I see no light in my life at all, no one close to me knows my pain as I fear judgement
—Guest Guest Tanya

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How Do You Feel Growing Up With an Alcoholic Parent Has Changed You?

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