From the article: Characteristics of Adult Children of Alcoholics
Adult children of alcoholics are people who grew up in a home with at least one alcoholic parent and whose lives were likely profoundly affected by the experience. If you grew up in an alcoholic home, share how you think it affected you most. Post Your Answer
I feel all of you
- I haven grown up with an alcoholic dad all my life. as a child, he handled his alcohol well and in fact people seemed to encourage it. he was funny, clever, and outgoing. he had a successful career and was loved by all. there were the loud and scary arguments he had with my mum that i always heard, but otherwise he was doing well. during my teenage years, his drinking increased. rather than just at dinner parties or bbq's, he started drinking everynight. we all tried talking to him, asking him to slow down. sometimes he would agree, but nothing changed. now i am in my early 30's and i have lost most of the man i call dad. he is still physically alive, but everything i have loved and admired him for has slowly disappeared with each sip. despite everything he has done over the years, i know he loves us all but cannot stop. my heart breaks reading these comments as i can hear myself. i hear myself wanting to just do the thing that stops him drinking. sadly, only they can decide to stop.
- —Guest its hard
- The older I am, the worse my father's drinking becomes. Yet the worst thing is, he knows. He knows he should stop drinking, but can't. And that's one of the definitions of alcoholism. It's come to the extent of recently finding out he broke two ribs one night of utter drunkenness a few months ago - the night I woke up at three thirty in the morning due to a horrible scream. He was on the floor, had apparently bumped his head, and lay on his left side in pain. His chest pain was recurrent, but he never realized, nor would have imagined, that it was that single night that could've caused it. We thought if could have been a heart problem, so, after almost half a year, we forced him to the hospital to get his heart checked. The doctors reported it had nothing to do with his heart, but the X-Ray revealed several broken ribs on the left side of his ribcage. What hurts the most is he still doesn't accept that it was the night of sheer drinking that caused his broken ribs, and my broken heart.
- —Guest An
I feel so messed up inside..
- Ever since I can remember my dad has been an alcoholic, my earliest memories was when I was nine and he and my mum were going to get divorced. He hit my sister and threw a bin at our car as we tried to leave, then called us and screamed obscenities down the phone. I've tried to run away twice but gave up because honestly that is such a pointless option. He gets so angry and unreasonable. One time he started throwing dishes and tables and actually threatening to kill us. He came into my room one night and threatened to beat me to death with my guitar if I "talked back" to him, claiming he didn't want a son like me. I now kind of ignore what happens at home, i've learned that becoming cold and uncaring on the inside is the only way to stop getting hurt every time he switches personalities. Even now when I'm at school and with friends I feel really insecure about myself. Even worse is sometimes I feel myself getting angry and I never want to become like him. I even thought of cutting.
- —Guest anonymous
- Ive been hoping to find a site like this. Have Wished I could write about the hell my life has been as a result of being in etoh abuse household. Im 59 this yr. Father died w rheumatic heart valve disease when i was 3yo. I Have twin brother too. Older sisters not nice people. Bipolar ,narcissistic , obsessed w money ,jealous ,greedy, spiteful, mean. We had etoh mother left to care for us. She was a very good cook & housekeeper. Grew a huge vegetable garden. Ironed clothes just not much of any emphasis given to the affection category. I have been thru so many many relationships-codependency-read alot of acoa books in my late 20s I think. Not to much help but at least I learned about people like me. Had a mild case of lupus I believe @that time just not diagnosed til 7yrs ago. Became xray tech. Job alcoholic. No stability. Always feeling left out, always changing jobs. My mother was a big binge drinker. It was bad.very bad. I guess she would go for days on a binge..she died 1976
- —Guest de
- My mom took up drinking a lot after my parents divorced. At first it was good to see her come out of her shell, but it deteriorated quickly. I'm now a senior in high school and I've been dealing with her alcoholism since about seventh or eighth grade. She comes home too drunk to even walk or talk sometimes and I have to take care of her, but the next day she demands my respect. Some days she tells me I'm the only reason she doesn't kill herself and I'm the only one who's stood by her through everything, but the next day she'll tell me I'm irresponsible and that I don't respect her enough. I'm coming to terms with the fact that I can't change her, nor is her well being my responsibility. It's still hard to see her kill herself slowly and not be able to do anything. Sometimes when she's drunk, I know she's not my mom. She's not the same. But when she's sober, sometimes, I still get to see her. It's hard knowing what she's doing to herself. I hope it will get easier.
- —Guest Mary
- My mom had a problem with alcohol she was a different person when she had not been drinking she would have her first drink around lunchtime this continued right up to her death my life has been affected because of this as it was my job to protect my siblings so i took the trauma away from them taking care of them and keeping them away from her, i really hate the smell of beer i don't drink myself i saw enough of what drink can do when i was growing up, altho some positivity came from it as i have spent the last 28 years looking after disadvantaged and vunerable kids i feel that my childhood was taken from me i cant cope with confrontations very well and still have unpleasant dreams even now i still loved my mom and i would be so happy if someone could explain why people drink abuse their bodies health people around them some drink themselves to death why !!!
- —Guest kath
- My girlfriend's father was an alcoholic, and we had many many difficulties during our relationship 'cause she feel too insecure and she's also very afraid of relationship. Since the start I noticed that she was bi-polar, sometimes very happy and euphoric sometimes sad, sometimes even angry, she also drunk too much, and she wasn't able to express her feelings. But with a lot of patience from both sides we made it through a relationship. Always remember that if you really like someone you have to give your best everyday and to show how much you care about that person every time you can. Nothing is impossible and for every bad moment you gonna have 100 beautiful moments. P.s. I'm sorry for my awful English, but I'm still improving the language.
- —Guest Lanu
- My dad was an alcoholic way before I was born but he promised my mom he would stop. And he did - for about 2 weeks! When I was 4 my brother was born but my dad just got worse. He lost his job and became very violent towards my mom. My mom left him and we were left homeless for about a year and a half, sleeping on the floors at other family members houses. As I got older I gave him so many chances to stop drinking and I forgave him for what he had done. But I'm 14 now and I've decided that's it now, he doesn't care about me, so why should I care about him? I've made so many sacrifices for him and he can't be bothered to even try and stop drinking. I think having an alcoholic parent really messes you up and makes you feel worthless because they care about a drink more than their own child and for me that's what hurts the most. And watching my friends get along with their dads so well, it tears me up inside to be honest.
- —Guest Ellie
- I am not a child of an alcoholic. I became one myself. Let me preface this by saying I grew up in an enormously abusive home and left at 18. I married young and had 2 daughters. My alcoholism was quiet, or so I thought. Graduated college, successful career, no DUI, etc. But after work I would slowly drink the pain away of an unhappy childhood. My girls are now 14 & 13 and I scream inside at memories lost, times when I was mentally absent because of my drinking. I am sober and I can't describe the many days and nights I cried aloud, almost screaming, at the pain I have caused. I can see why people slip back into drinking, as facing the reality of the pain is akin to a 2 x 4 against the face. Let me be the first to say, I am so sorry. You are wonderful human beings and I can only imagine the fear & loneliness you felt. Now sober, it is my duty to reach out and make things right again. Please don't give up hope, some of us take longer than others.
- —Guest Anonymous
- My dads alcoholism has spiked my anxiety at its peak. Everynight of the week i will stay up late to make sure my dad makes it home ok and hope it does not trigger an argument with my mom. most nights my parents will be arguing keeping me up at all hours and i lose sleep or cannot at all. they have been so selfish saying they're staying together for "the kids" but what they are doing is far worse than them being apart. I'm ashamed to be apart of this family sometimes. he says hes going to quit but i take it with a grain of salt because he cannot go for more than a week without a drink. i no longer touch alcohol at parties or can trust men who enjoy drinking often because i have seen the evil alcohol can do.
- —Guest a
Should've seen the signs
- It took me a long time to realize it, but I have always been a typical child of an alcoholic. My dad was a high functioning alcoholic- he built up tolerance to alcohol and so never lost his job and even excelled at it, because it was hard to tell when he had been drunk. But it did change him. He was a good man most of the time, and he was never physically abusive when drunk, but it did change him. He became erratic, flustered and eventually became a person none of us knew. Last year, we found out that he had liver failure, and he was in a coma for two weeks before he died. He never had the chance to change, never got the wake-up call a hospitalization would've given him. I wish that as his daughter I had gone to him and told him how bad things were and how he needed to change. I am now 17 and in year 12. I wish I had recognized he was an alcoholic and helped him change. If I had he might have lived to see me graduate. Don't follow the stereotypes; say something or you may regret it.
- —Guest Audrey
- My Dad is an Angry alcoholic, it's not like her ever tried to waste our money or hate us, but when he's drunk, he'll do ANYTHING just to get the last word, which means hitting me and my brother. My Brothers Has high functioning autism, which means he can do everything Normal, he just has troubles learning. (But every single autistic kid is different) My Grandmother, who I was EXTREMELY close with died this past summer, (my moms mom) and my dad's mom has cancer now. My uncle also has kidney cancer, and my moms is torn up about it, plus her other brother died 20 some years ago, leaving my uncle (the one who died) with a two year old son and a wife, left behind. My Father was never very supported with all this, and drank. My moms wants to move out and I think we should. I NEVER tell anyone this, but I know how bad everyone has it, so I keep to myself! But having an alcoholic Dad sucks! He used to hold our wrist till they turned bright red and we would cry and cry. He'd spank us too!
- —Guest Jackie
Mom and Dad
- How do I feel? LOST! I am over 50 and was raised with an alcoholic father who molested my sister. She was 11 years older than me. My mom just drank.... my dad died when i was 7. He never touched me, that i recall. I am a very bright, outgoing person, but only because that is how I cover up this horrible pain I feel. I can only imagine that I could have been a doctor, lawyer, .... but was never given any power to do so. What a waste. Now I can almost feel free to hate my mom and dad,... it doesnt bother me that much, or does it?
- —Guest Linda
- I grew up in an alcoholic environment. My dad too was an alcoholic. I tried many, many times to talk to my daddy about his drinking. Im not sure how your dad drinks but my dad was a evening drinker. He worked a full time job, never late and in 26 years never missed a day of work. BUT every Wednesday when he got his check it went straight to the liquor store. He had a charge account at that store do when he got paid he owed most of his paycheck to them. So on and on it went. We would have gone hungry and naked if it were not for our mother. But getting to your concern, Its difficult to know if you can even talk to your dad. Is he always drunk, or he is angry all the time? Does he abuse you or any of your family? I could talk to my dad. He was not an angry drunk he was a sloppy drunk. IT is horrible. When I did talk to my dad he would cry and say " Im never going to drink another drop" BUT he did every time. BUT every time he said those words to me I sat and listened and hoped.
- One night my dad got really angry at my brother and he hit him. They got into a huge fist fight. When my mom finally was able to break it up me and my sister were in my bedroom holding my nephew. We vowed that day to never tell Aiden what happened. I must be honest this brought back a lot of horrible memories. I just hope that you will be able to get over what happened to u. I also need help figuring out y I always beat up my sis when I'm mad at her. I really need help so somebody please help me
- —Guest Alissa
1-15 of 962Next