From the article: Characteristics of Adult Children of Alcoholics
Adult children of alcoholics are people who grew up in a home with at least one alcoholic parent and whose lives were likely profoundly affected by the experience. If you grew up in an alcoholic home, share how you think it affected you most. Post Your Answer
My mother
- Well, my mothers been drinking from the beginning, from what I know she's been drinking for at least 30 years. I've been through her draws at a younger age and have read the notes written by her to family members, she did go to get professional help, but it obviously hasn't worked. The first big event I remember happening as a result of her being drunk is the time she crashed the car on a roundabout on her way home from work - I was only about 5. Another big event that happened was when she left home as a result of being completely off it, and left me a note saying that she has gone and didn't want anything to do with us (my dad and brothers). Well that didn't last long.. She was somehow braught home. Things started to die down, we all learnt to cope with her getting drunk, but as the years have gone on, and we have lost our grandmother (her mother) she's gotten a lot worse, I can't even bare to look my mother in the eyes anymore. I have really grown to hate my mother.
- —Guest Lucy
Alcoholics exhist in nice families
- I am 50 and grew up in an upper class family. My patents were both well educated and prominent in the university and education community in our town. By all accounts, we were a great family. However, as I got older and into my early teens I realized my dad drank too much. At that same time, he and my mom started having bad fights-screaming, slamming doors, etc. It became this love / hate type of relationship. They were great partners and loved each other, but when he drank and she drank (but not like he did) it was ugly. Even worse, they'd try to pull me into the argument to pick a side. The next day there would be apologies and proclomations of love. Talk about drama and stress! so... I married a calm, easy-going man who changed my view of marriage. We have a great family, a fun home and we are social drinkers. No drama! Just happiness. You can chose the life you want. You don't have to let the sins of your parents dominate your life. Choose to be something better. Don't wallow in it.
- —Guest Free and Happy
Family tradition
- When I was 7 my dad started to drink alcohol very often. Nobody knew why but I think it was due to his job. His problem was worser and worser. I remember that he always forget to taking us (me and my younger bro) from school. And teachers must called my mum to her job that nobody come from us. She must run from her job but she worked so far so sometimes she must phoned our neighbour to take us from school because our mum shouldnt come at time for us. 3 years. 3 years of hell. When I was ten they divorced. He didnt work ..he wasted all our money what my mum did , to alcohol. It was horrible when my mum must slept with wallet under the pillow. Then he went to his mother to another city and I haven't seen him since this moment. I'm 14 now. And my life much much much better. I'm not scared when I'm coming home if hes drunk again. I know that in our family is calm now without him. We are happy :) I hope that hes too. Mm..but I think hes not :P
- —Guest georgia
Analyzing childhood
- My dad was the drinker in my family. As an only child, there were normal times with supportive aunts & uncles and crazy times at home. I remember my mom trying to get my dad into rehab and leaving him, if only for 24 hours, in the hopes of causing change. My mom died when I was 15 and I moved in with an aunt 8 months later. As an adult I crave order, rules, and control. I'm an anxious people pleaser who hates confrontation. I'm sure some of it's me, but I wonder how much is a result of growing up in an alcoholic household.
- —Guest Anonymous
vodka stole my life
- both parents were alcoholics to be honest, they didnt see what they were doing until they had destroyed our home. Coupled with feeling of fear, neglect and shame on a daily basis one comes to the undeniable understanding that these people we called parents simply didnt care. I have alot of deep dwelling anger inside me. But playing the blame game never wins any prizes and the rules are different for everyone. got my own kids now who i spoil rotten, avoid the booz and dont let them near the stuff. The bottle is not your friend
- —Guest cleva treva
It Has Affected Me
- My dad is an alcoholic. He hurts my mom and my siblings and I both physically and emotionally. It has definitely affected me. I have been binge eating since 9 years old, and cutting and starving myself. I'm trying to stop, though. I feel like it's all my fault.
- —Guest Anonymous
The crap we went through.
- Hi im Cooper and im a 18 year old boy from Texas. My life has not been what it should have been. Im sure many people can relate. It started out when i was really young. As far back as i can remember my father was a alcoholic. I never knew what life was like before about two years ago. I willl sum up what happened because i know these memories hurt to many people, not just me. My mother and I went through the beatings, the screaming, being told we were pieces of shit. Also having a loaded gun pointed at her head isn't comforting either. When i became old enough I started standing up for my Mother and I. Me and my Father would get in fist fights. Real ones where we didn't care what happened to the other. These ended up bad for both of us and hurt us very bad. My mother soon divorced my father of 18 years and we are now living in peace. I know many people have stories like this. This is the first time ive ever came public about this and i really appreciate anybody reading this.
- —Guest Cooper
My mum
- My mum has been a drinker since she and my dad divorced when I was ten I was the eldest child. Because she drinks in the evening it seems to have become accepted by everyone When she drinks it is like she is a totally different person. As a child this frightened me. Our house was very chaotic at times. It has effected me deeply in ways ghat I didn't even recognise . I am forty now and her drinking still causes problems. When she is sober she is a wonderful person which causes me to feel guilty about not liking her drinking. I am going to attend an alanon meeting to see if this can help me with my feelings about this I want to send my love to you all in particular young people still dependant on an alcohol abusing parent It is NOT your fault. Xxxx
- —Guest Fiona
Two Faced
- I'm 16 years old. I am currently living with my mother and alcoholic father. My dad has been drinking ever since he was around twelve and never stopped since. When he is sober, I love him so much, I can actually talk to him and do things with him. But when he drinks, it's like he's a whole different person. he turns into a walking angry hell that loves to mentally torture you until you breakdown crying and calls you names that you should never say to your child. I absolutely hate that side of him, he's even upset me to the point where I have gotten depressed and thought of killing myself all because of him. The sad thing is that when he wakes up normal in the morning, he doesn't remember a thing and I can't be mad at him since I don't really hold grudges and that he is sober and I forgive him because he is his normal loving self. I'm so confused. and I know he won't stop drinking and it makes me cry when I think about it.
- —Guest A Girl
Mum's ex alcoholic boyfriend
- I am 20 years old and grew up with my mum's ex boyfriend who was an alcoholic. It was 12 years of hell! I was 11 years old when I first sat and comforted mum whilst she cried on me and told me stuff that had happened over the years of living with this monster of a man. I definitely wish that she hadn't told me. He was abusive, obsessive, a cheater, liar...you name it. Most nights I'd sit in my room listening to them argue, house would get trashed, police would be called. Every birthday, Christmas, easter and vacation would end in an argument. He called mum horrible names, he called me horrible names. Its been 6 years since mum finally got rid. My self esteem and self confidence is very low. I'm single and break it off every time I start getting close to someone. I trust no one. I have nightmares. I have panic attacks. Mum has also been single for the last 6 years and doesn't seem to plan on getting in a relationship anytime soon which is really sad to see. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
- —Guest sam
Terrified of co-dependency
- I am 45 years old and single, I have never had a relationship that has lasted for longer than 16 months, but I don't see that as a bad thing, I probably should, but I don't. When someone starts to "need" me my emotions shut down. The only men I have felt I am in love with have had no ability to show emotion. My father is able to laugh, cry, hug while drunk, and is cold and manipulative while sober, (but is he ever sober?), he's a dry-drunk who still stands over my mother and verbally abuses her (thankfully, the physical abuse ended a few years ago when she finally realised that while drunk he's quite unstable on his feet - but, that wasn't always the case). She drinks too, always has, it affects her differently, and these days makes her very quick to be angry and resentful and forgetful, I'm not even sure who has the bigger problem any more and I hate to say that, (oh no I must not say that).. They have been married for nearly 50 years. I can't write this without crying, my problem!
- —Quirky68
my daddy
- im 13 yrs old now and i had a hard life growing up my dad and my mom , my dad was the alcoholic and i was to young to know how to stop it . he caused me and my mom hell going up and every day i will pray and ask god to help us.. i always use to ask my daddy to stop, why do you drink? and he will say "its because of yall." but he'll scream it and then i got scared of him... we never had a daughter and fater time together. i never knew what a dad was like because he would always choose the bottle of us :( and every night i would cry , seening my dad hurt my mom , i couldnt do anything , but i do have to say i hit my dad before because he pushed my mom .. i got tired of the bull ! i couldnt take it but now he "been" sober since oct. 13.12 to now 04.04.13..... and hes living with his mom , my grandma and i feel like he has been drinking a lil once in a while and i just hope not becaue you know that hate that you get from a alcoholic?well yeah i just want my dad to stop drinking forever
- —Guest Amanda
Miss
- I am a young girl and my father has been an alchaholc for a young age. He gets drunk very often making my family and I very unhappy. When my fathers drunk he sickens me, I get a pain in my stomach, I feel angry and depressed. he shouts swears and he drinks more. im too young to leave home and ive been tempted to call the police several times but s this the right thing to do. when you go round to your friends house their families are so polite friendly. I feel jealous! why cat my fmily be like this! my mum has left the house several times during the night! while my dad swears and abuses us! I don't know what to do! when I go from room to room I get followed and this is the same with my mum too. I feel like God has turned against me almost like he thinks this is fun to torture me! in text it doesn't sound AS bad in reality its torture.he claims he hardly gets drunk! if only he knew! im just really scared!!
- —Guest Sammy
Alcoholic dad
- Growing up with an alcoholic parent is the worst thing that can ever happen to a child. My father has always been an alcoholic. I am 22 years old and to this day I struggle with life. Recently I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and I don't know if it comes from my father being an alcoholic but my therapist says its usually from something that happened to me as achild that interfered with my normal development growing up. And since it wasn't corrected as a child it interferes with my daily adult life. I never really had any friends I had an issue keeping close relationships. I really love my father with all my heart but I have suffered so much because he chose a bottle over his family.
- —Guest Ana
59 and still in pain
- Yes I grew up in an alcoholic home with 6 other siblings. They all seemed to grow up without any problems but not I. I was always in trouble as a kid (a scapegoat )and I was whipped severely for constantly running away from my life . Then I was sent to a training school .I was 14 . I was a virgin. I didn't know anything about drugs. But it didn't take long for me to find out about everything in there. I was there for 1 yr. and 3 mths. When I got out I could hardly wait to try out all of the stuff Id learned??? And so I did as nothing had changed at home... I was shooting speed at 16 and having sex.. My entire life after that has been consumed with anything I could get. I have 2 children whom I love more than anything that have gone through this too. I am now in recovery for 6 yrs. And Ive just found out about ACOA and reading anything I can. Thank-you to God and you people helping others
- —staight
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