Learning to Live again
- Two weeks ago my wife of two years confessed a one nightstand to me. I was heartbroken. I knew she was an alcoholic. I tried to get her to seek help, I now knowI did the wrong things in a lot of cases. However, I did do some right. I dettached, I didn,t confront in anger, I didn,t enable and when the crisis came I didn,t run. The next day she spoke to a family friend who is an AA sponser. she has now been attending meetings for two weeks, and not a drop of alcohol. She has a positive attitude about her recovery and wants to suceed. I want to be there with her. So I am attending Alanon meetings. Just two so far, but you can see and feel the power the program gives you. I have already made many changes in my life and expect many more. I so love this woman, and now I want to love her sober.
- —Guest scott
I gave 1 date to an alcoholic:that's it
- yesterday after church,I thought of asking one guy for lunch at a salad place.It was crowded when we got there so we decided to go to another.Next to the place,was a wine shop called Kuzzlerahsms(not its real name to protect the privacy)so he said he is craving for wine.I said,"wait you told me you go to meetings and are in recovery. Why are you wanting all of a sudden to urge for a drink?So furthermore,I asked,"how long have you been sober?"he smiled and answered about 3 weeks now. But I do attend meetings.At first, I said NO very firmly.We will go in and order non-alcoholic beverages.There's lemonade or diet Squilts or I am fine with ice water.The minute he walked in the server poured a house wine into 1 wine glass.This "date" claims he stared at the glass for a good 10 minutes deciding and thinking.At the corner of my eye,he drank.He took a sip.Then he ordered the bottle.I threatened to walk out.In my mind,the alcohol was more important to him than me.I don't want to be an enabler!
- —Guest blushed
- I have been maried to a man forty years plus . In the beginning he only drank socially Last week he was diagones ed with wernikes sydrome. Where do we go from here .He has to stop drinking he is now in a fog I am not sure when and if fog will lift of course apart from the bottle denial is now is now his next best friend telling his friends it was a stroke or anything else that he can think of. I wont lie for him and refuse to play the game making him upset.So where to from here well for him it will be a nursing home in 6months or less if he continues to drink.For me I dont know it all seems very sad at this point.I just wish I could turn back the clock but you cant so move on from here to what? Maybe someone somewhere will read this post and see the damage alcohol can and does do.I have Christ in my life and I know he will sustain me through the days ahead.I am grieving at the minute for one who was a very good man who has succumed to a very bad disease.
- —Guest Eliza
Been there, done that
- All of your stories sound so much like mine! Reunited with my first love after 25 years apart. It was all moonlight and magnolias in the beginning...blah, blah, blah. He said his ex-wife was the "problem drinker" in his former life. As I had never been around alcoholism, I didn't know the signs that he had the problem. I assure you after nine years of trying to find a way to make this miserable man happy, I finally realize there's not anything I can do to make that happen. Just like most of your stories, mine also includes the loving, generous, fun guy when he's not drinking. It also includes the mean, hateful monster when he is.... I moved out 3 months ago after a particularly bad night but have continued to support him emotionally as he has assured me he is "seeing a counselor" but refuses AA. I don't believe one word that comes out of his mouth at this point. He loves me as much as he is capable of loving. I love him. It's not gonna work and I am ready to accept that.
- 10 years together. He has to drink every night. He fills a glass half full of hard liqueur and less than that, the rest of the way up, with soda. Every night atleast 3 and as often as 3 nights he drinks to the point that he is slurring, red faced and calling people at ungodly hours. He says that he used to drink much more, and he's only had [insert # here] and this is mostly coke, or this is wine- and that's supposed to be good for your heart, and "you should have seen my Dad- now THAT'S an alcoholic, or he's never been late to work, isn't an angry drunk- "I'm a happy drunk- I don't bother anyone, I'm having a good time, why do you have to ruin it?"....I'm sick of the smell of drunk-night-sweating and half- attempts at "lovemaking" and getting whacked in the head all night because he tosses and turns really badly when he's been drinking. Most of all- I'm sick of him being in absolute denial that he has a problem.
- —Guest Doc
- I've been living with an Alcohic for 30 years. and he he's been drinking long before I met him. And only with age I'm realizing that I can not help him..That I was and still am a enabeler..I'm screaming to be love by this man ..The love I didn't get from my farther ..I pray for my husband offten.
Lived with alcoholic mother since child
- The test to see if you are an "enabler" is flawed as it clearly base's it's alcoholic on a stereo type. My mother is a functioning alcoholic, not an in and out of jail, no money for bills type. She's totally functioning yet is verbally and physically abusive when drunk (every night) then goes to work as normal. For an alcohol help site it's not very helpful.
- —Guest Emma
- Lived with a drinker for 18 months. He drank everyday. The barmaids were and are his best friends. He claims he has fun every night at the bar. I begged him and did everything I could to protect him from himself. His family treats me like crap and now I am the bad person. I pray that God will stop him in his tracks. He has wasted his life and some of mine.
- —Guest Janet
Can't fix an addicted offspring
- My adult offspring has been into the devil brew for more than 20 years. It took me most of that time to realize that I couldn't fix the problem or control it, or even GUIDE my loved one to sobriety. With the grace of the Al-Anon 12-Step program, I have written a book for parents like me: IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU—Except When It Is! My goal is to lend a hand to others on this tortuous path.
Sad but hopeful
- I've been my fiance for 8 years and have never seen him sober in the evening. I honestly thought I could "help" him quit. I was naive and underestimated the power of the drink. I have tried it all, ignoring it and hoping it would get better, yelling, threatening to leave, reasoning, offering to get him help and the list goes on. I have finally resigned to the fact I am powerless over this. He is the only one that can make that decision. He is the love of my life and can't imagine life without him. He is the kindest most loving man to me. He would do anything for me .... Stop drinking. I cannot compete with the drinking any longer.
- —Guest Hopeful
- I have been the wife of an alcoholic that I love for 27 years. I now am beside myself. I don't know what to do.
- —Guest Violet Reed
Dr Jekyll and Mr hyde
- That is who I am married too. My heart truly goes out to every one involved with an alcholic. My husband has been to rehab in his younger days. Had 4 Dui in the 80's, always was the party guy drugs, alcohol. I was 17 when we met, married 19 & he was 24. you know I never ever feeling loved by him and now everything he has done with his meth, then crack, and now vodka he has hit me, busted furniture, I am terrified to leave my youngest alone with him, for if he was drunk he may hurt him. as for my other kids who are old er they dispise their dad. I dont want my youngest feeling same way, but when my husband looks at us times he could kill us. And then he becomes sober for a few days , and he is great, but its just those few days.
- —Guest kris
Have to say goodbye
- I have been with my boyfriend off & on for 2 yrs. He is an alcoholic. At first, it was fun; he was a happy drunk, but things have changed. He has a routine: sleep til noon, lay around trying to wake up for 2-3 hours, then starts all over again at happy hour. He is a great person, but the alcohol and drugs have control of the great person, and they make him a not-so-great person. He is emotionally unavailable. He says he loves me, but he really can't. He is detached. He has that symptom of getting anxious when it's time to have that drink! He carries a travel bag with him everywhere he goes. He isn't mean or abusive, but he can be deceitful and abusive to me psychologically. I was an enabler!! I was so in love with him that I made excuses for him to my own family, so they would accept him. I even bought him a new travel bag so he could take his drink with him!! I feel like I've been in another world, or in a bad dream, and I'm finally waking up. God help him. I can't.
- im the victim of an alcoholic married 30 years i was the insane one.i drank with him not a big drinker and working hard would fall asleep.it suited him my depression tabs would make me sleep.he would carry on with his addiction.drinking his beer whiskey and his calls to chat lines.never could be satisifed sexualy,thought it was my fault degraded myself for years knew no different.to his drinking butties i was the mad one always shouting trying to fix it.woke up with a bang,knew i didnt have the addiction but had the mental probloms ect,that comes with living with we end up sicker than them.threw him out took him back nothing changed only my hate for him grew.for what he was doing to me and his family.he did not want to come back home had meet his own type out there ,female form.he had strokes left disabled blocked attery still smokes .we have him home had to in order to keep our home.iv been in alalon 4years got my sanity back but most of all have compassion for the alcoholics
- —Guest liz guest
- My husband thinks its ok he has done it since he was sixteen i have drank since i was thirteen. HE IS SICK. HE WONT CHANGE but i know i have to change or my children wont have any parents with God all things are possible . I. pray for all addicts and there families to have hope faith and. sobriety in Jesus name
- —Guest sherri