Why Do I Do It
- Although I have left my husband,he makes me feel guilty for doing so by saying "why are you doing this to me". My response is always "you are doing this to yourself" I say these words, but I still feel responsible for the situation he's in as I left with our son and he is devastated. I call him to see if he is still alive, because he has always said that if anything bad ever happened between us he would drink himself to death. How am I supposed to live with that? He drinks constantly and all the advice about cutting him off completely is sound. If I do that he will be homeless within weeks. He's the father of our son, but our son doesn't want to see him.I tell my husband this, but he won't believe it's because the house and he always reeks of booze. I know that I'm enabling him by checking on him and answering hisconstant calls, but would someone please tell me how to stop,because I know I have to
- —Guest Julie
- I've been married for 42 years and dearly love my husband who has been a drinker now for almost 20 years. I hadn't considered myself an enabler and have done Al Anon, but I see that I may be a provoker because I am tough on him as a consequence of the messes he gets in. I want to leave him but I am so afraid to do it, partly because of financial reason and partly because I'm afraid he'll either harass our only daughter who lives in the area or die in a gutter somewhere, which would make me feel awful. Also, if I divorce him I lose my Medical insurance and I have some major health issues that would be pre-existing and no one would insure me without a monstrous premium I couldn't afford. I have thought of having him declared incompetent because he drinks and drives and swears he isn't drunk. He is currently doing 6 mos in jail for the 2nd Super Extreme DUI in less than 3 years. But he wasn't drunk. I love having him in jail. I feel so free. And that's sad.
lost in life
- I've told him I dont mind the drinking, it's the getting drunk that i mind. It hurts how he turns into a jerk.....I hate it. He told me before that he doesn't "quit", he suppresses it and then when he cracks, its all hells break lose. :( After an on and off 10yrs of dating, I have a hard time with this yet I know i must move on but its very difficult to do so :(
- —Guest broken hearted
Both parents are alcoholics!
- My brother and his wife are both alcoholics and have been for years. We always suspected that they drink more than they should, but over the years it has gotten progressively worse. My sister in law has had 3 seizures in the past month, has been in the hospital 3 times and now is in rehab. I finally called CPS because they have 3 children and now I'm the bad person in the family. My sister in law is now in detox while my brother continues to drink at home and blame whoever will listen for his problems. My mother is dying of cancer and he has the gall to call her up and tell her that he is going to kill me. My mother proceeds to call and reem me out for interferring in his life. I care about the 3 kids - if they want to drink themselves to death - go ahead. I'm in the throws of a dysfunctional alcoholic family. I don't expect any success with my sister in laws treatment as my brother will drink with her when she gets out. Very hard to understand.
- —Guest Cass
- Breaks families up, violence, the lot, why do they keep selling this poison when children suffer and wives live in hell?
- —Guest hellonearth
Role in the alcoholic's life?
- I have two sisters who are severe alcoholics. I have basically stepped away from their life-styles and its effect on my & my immediate family. No family functions include my sisters, because I know the result that causes. Recently, my youngest 'drinker' sister tried to commit suicide and 'asked for me', which totally surprised me. I am the one who doesn't hold back on how her behaviour has impacted both mine and her life. I've stated in the past that she can only call me SOBER or for assistance getting to/from treatment appointments. I've been waiting for over 15 years for my sister to call 'for HELP". Now....WHAT do I do to help? I've looked online for assistance, but after speaking with a womens shelter counselor, I have three treatment centers info to provide to my sister. I can't take her into my home because I don't trust her right now. I believe she has to want treatment and that I can't force her. I also WON'T take her into my home w/o her in treatment first
- —Guest RF8
Family of alcoholics
- My mother died from cirrohsis of the liver, at the age of 43. I was 21.I had a twin brother who died at the age of 30, from acute alcohol poisoning. My younger brother (now 51) is a chronic, heavy drinker. I have enabled him for a long time. I couldn't bear to lose my last close family member. I was killing him, and myself. I have finally separated myself from him, emotionally and physically. I decided I had allready lost him a long time ago. He has not been the sweet, very close little brother, that I once knew. I will always love him, but only God can help him.
- —Guest joni
- It was nice to read these posts. I guess I do need al-anon, because it does help to know I am not alone. I am so tired of this crap. I am in recovery and have almost a year sober, so I know what he is going through, but I just wish he would realize what he is missing and what he is giving up by drinking. I try not to yell when he is drunk, but twice this week he almost burnt the house down. We are really hurting financially, but instead of trying to save money to do something fun with our son, he spends at least ten dollars a day on alcohol, and it doesn't take much for him to get drunk and stupid anymore. We are just roommates now, but we have our son and bills, I can't afford to leave. I am at a loss, but just try to pray to God for his help and trust God that it will come.
- —Guest Mary
Beating my head against a wall
- I've been with my husband for 14 yrs. Married for almost 3 we have 2 kids and my husband drinks everyday if he has the money then if not he "visits" friends who have beer. He is mentally abusive to me and the kids and I hate to admit I'm an enabler. I know if I don't go get him beer he will be mean and argue with me he always says I know I'm a drunk and an and a loser how can I get him to see this is killing our relationship and help him get help??
- —Guest kris
Enabling by Listening
- My sister would call me every time she felt miserable, dump her feelings on me, and then say, "I feel so much better after talking to you, I think I'll go take a nap." I would have to fight to get anything about my life into the conversation. She did this when drunk and when sober. I thought maybe I was doing her some good, but now I have doubts. She hasn't gotten any better. She isn't even appreciative. In fact, she won't speak to me now because she doesn't like that I've forgiven our mother for our dysfunctional childhood. She says it's okay if I feel differently as long as I respect her feelings, but she only thinks I respect her feelings if I agree with her. If she starts talking to me again I'll ask her two questions each time, "Have you been drinking?" and "Do you feel suicidal?" If she's suicidal, I'll call the police in her town and have them do a welfare check. If she's sober, I'll try to have a normal conversation. Otherwise, I'll say, "Call me back when you're sober."
- —Guest sympathysponge
been here before . .
- I just reread two posts that I wrote months ago - the song remains the same. Except that I now see a therapist and am working on myself; trying to figure out how to act like nothing is wrong - three days/nights of heavy drinking (I'm sure it's not over yet)ending up with peeing on himself every night where he landed - our bed, the couch and last night, outside on the hammock. So, this morning, I left for work and said very little beyond goodbye and have a good day - how do I not worry all day - how do I go home and act like nothing is wrong . .I will try to not engage in an argument and just go about my business. I will say that this totally sucks, I miss my husband and I miss my life.
- —Guest bertha
living in his world
- He just fell again "into his room" big crash, dog is hiding..she knows when he is drinking too. I hear him moving about, but I will not go too help anymore unless he calls for 911. He was very angry the last time I called an ambulance. I want out, but I am disabled, we have 3mortages bills..I will not leave my dog here either..so my Parents won't help, plus my Mother has alzheimers. Money is a huge issue..people say just leave..come live with me..but then I still would have to pay rent, have my dog. One even said, "well you can stay here, but the dog has to be kept in the basement" she's a 20lb beautiful Sheltie who has been w/me through all this. I just will not accept that idea. People mean well, but they don't get it. It is not easy to just walk out the door. I am 54 & cannot drive due to several spinal surgeries & now disabled. There is only about 3hrs a day that I can send him on errands, then his drunk&drug land..he is retired & has income.
- —Guest Shari76
Lost in his World
- I've been married 22yrs, the last 12 he has been an addict to alchol & prescription drugs. He can drink 30 beers a day & up to 40 pills-yes this is possible, I see it nearly daily. He has fallen down litterally everywhere, down stairs, off the toliet, which broke in half! He fell into the stove breaking it. He is a large man so he either breaks ribs, knees, his head or furniture. We had a good life then drugs entered via his own dr, anything he asked forr in mass quanties & REFILLS. 2yrs ago he almost died, was on life support for 35days then a nursing home for 2 weeks, I can't beleive he is alive! He started drinking & drugging about 2wks after coming home, it happened when he agreed to go to rehab,while in the process of signing in he had hidden oxycontin & swallowed them
- —Guest Sherry
- I am a Mother of a 27year old young man who has been a binge drinker since he was 17. since then he has lost his licence through drink driving twice. last court appearance was 10 days ago. He now has a 40mth ban, which I would have liked to be permanent, court costs and 100hrs community service for reckless driving-he wiped out a bus stop at 1am. He is also still paying off bankruptcy from two years ago. When he had the last incident he promised he would be a new man, sort it all out,stop drinking etc etc. The day after court he was back in the pub. He is now unemployed as it was his works van he smashed and he was a delivery driver! To be honest we were just waiting on something happening. He is a very capable liar and up till now his dad has tried to be tough but is now worn down. I'm the soft one who fills in his forms and digs him out of the messes. But I've had enough. We are at a loss. Can't turn him away as the worry would be out of this world. so tired of it all.
Definitely a Provoker
- I have been with my husband for over 3 years. We got married in September and now have a baby on the way. I've known his drinking was a problem within the first few months but he's so kind and gentle when he's not drunk that I thought I could ignore it. He's not getting any better though. He comes home drunk from work. He drinks every day. He tells me the problem is that I get mad not that he drinks. He tells me I'm controlling. The denial is so frustrating. I wonder his can I trust him with our baby? I wonder will things ever change. I wish and pray that he knew how to enjoy drinking in a more socially acceptable fashion. He's an embarrassment to me when he's drunk. He also antagonizes me and tries to get a rise out of me to point that I slapped him in the face the other night. The next day we both apologized and he promised he would "cut back". Tonight he had 10 beers and was slurring like an idiot once again. I will be starting Alon an this week and will stop provoking.
- —Guest Ciera