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Readers Respond: Have You Been Playing a Role in the Life of an Alcoholic?

Responses: 477

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Updated September 22, 2012

Enough

I would like to respond about the guy said his family ignored him and he was alone. Most families try to talk, keep husband part of the family, but after several yrs of passing out , peeing on his self, throwing up all over the house , abusive when sober or drunk, because we would try to talk help him, he terrorizes me, and our kids. I can't say that nobody that has alcoholic in their family does that, the family dis associates from the abuse, screaming, tearing the house up because someone didn't put toilet paper on the roll.........come on.
—Guest k

I Can't Give Up On Him

My heart and head are in conflict. My head says to run as fast as I can, but my heart won't let me. I have a fiance that I found out recently has a Alcohol problem. When we first got together he never drank...Then life through him some curve balls and that is when it all started. I have never been around anyone who drinks...I would have one socially but that was about it. When this man that stolen my heart away turned into someone I didn't know. At first he was a happy drunk...but that didn't last for long then the accusing, mean, vicious drunk showed his face. I have put up with his verbal and physical abuse, and yes I have been an enabler...didn't realize it but that is what I have been. He is jail right now and I am doing everything in my power to get him. Everyone thinks I am a fool and tells me to kick him to the curb....that I deserve better then that. But what they don't know is that my man...the man I fell in love with is in there and I can not just leave.
—HelplessinPA

Sick of the lies my brother demand thing

I now am finding myself wishing he was dead he has a lovely girlfriend that threw her ex out after putting up with his drunkenness for 30 years and gets involved with my brother that is also an also, he threatens to throw himself in the shannon when she doesn't answer the phone he threatens to go to her house break all her windows the woman has had enough and so have i.
—caseyharry

My boyfriend is an alcoholic

My boyfriend is an alcoholic. We've been together over 2 years and have a daughter together. His drinking was terrible when we first got together. He'd drink enough to pass out everyday and would drink more when he woke up, just to function. He cut way back as time passed, and had quit completely for 6 months, starting the month before our daughter was born. He has only recently started drinking again. My stepmother told me that he told her he wants to quit drinking and make me and the baby his #1 priority. But within a week, he was drunk for 3 days straight. The most recent incident was yesterday. His work was having a pool party. He went, and promised not to drink if I let him have my van. When he got home I could tell he was intoxicated, but he kept insisting he hadn't drank. He couldn't find his wallet this morning. I told him I'd look for it while he was at work. Got home, checked his backpack, and found several bottles of whiskey. It's hard to love someone you can't trust.
—Guest SE

Feeling stuck

My husband of 12 yrs is definitely an alcohol abuser, he mainly binge drinks and thinks he has no problem at all. Im so tired of working a 12 hr shift and come home to an obnoxious intoxicated husband, especially when my 12 & 16 yr old have to witness it. If I could change him I would, but in reality I know I cant. He doesn't want to change, but why should I put up with it? There has got to be more in this life and I am tired and worn. I worry about him, my daughters, the finances, my stressful job, and the list goes on and on. The only thing that concerns him is himself. I feel cheated, angry and lost that he is so selfish!! Does he realize how good our life could be without him drinking? He refuses to acknowledge a problem even though he is seeing a counselor once a week for PTSD issues. My girls and I have sacrificed a lot, and I feel like its time to really stand my ground and put a halt to this. But how do I stay strong and be true to myself? I need help.
—Guest alone

Last time

After being cut down numerous times for no reason I'm finally done. He's a user. I don't know if he ever really loved me. Can an alcoholic love a person? I don't think so. They only have one thing on their mind. Beer.
—Guest Courtney

Lost n his behaviour

My husband is a retired military man of 20 years did 5 years a state trooper..never wanted for anything..till 1 day a knock at the door 3 state troopers at my door..knew he wasn't dead he was n bed ..but he had 12 counts of prescription forgery..needles to say wasn't good..I have night mares of my sons face still..he's a manipulator controller and liar and quite frankly I'm tired of herein we as the family members r the enablers..we r told to stop helping ..stop doing anything for them but yet we should get them help..today 4 and half years later he's drinking when he can't get hold of pills he says he needs it to sleep..really I maybe an enabler as I've been blamed but I'm not stupid..he doesn't eat takes over counter pills and sleeps all the times but now 5 days into his drinking I'm the making it sound worse than it is..I've lost a lot of friends my own self n his behavior and I want him gone before I die trying to go about my life like nothings going on..trouble is how no one wants to help
—Guest mandy

Sick of it

I am so tired of the drinking and the LIES!! I have played all the games! And " I promise i'll never drink again" my husband is a 53 yr old binge drinker and I'm just so tired.
—Guest Nanny03

Obnoxious,Arrogant,Beligerant Alcoholic

This man is out of his mind. Never admits to doing anything wrong. Wake up buddy! Im here because when he is normal hes the nicest person. Its tricky, I say things so nice and sweet to him when hes nice to me and all it takes is one upset and it gets thrown in my face, he starts yelling-which irritates my ears. he says " oh yesterday I was such a nice person and handsome and how much you love me and now you hate me, I think you have the problem" Yeah, no, I have an alcoholic husband who has an on off switch. I can not stand it when he is beligerant during his rants. I hold my voice for quite a while till I can't stand hearing the delusions coming from his mouth and threaten to call the police if he doesnt' stop harassing me and I yell back which makes me sick feeling! Oh, then he pulls my adult boys into the picture by calling them at any hour of the night because that's when hes the worst and goes on and on about how Im out of My mind! That is the worst!
—Guest sheila

I was a sucker for 34 years.

Silly silly me, It's all my fault..NOT! He is the one that is sick..but yet it has been my problem for so many many years...I have been temped to leave many many times, but of course I don't go far enough away because I'm still here..NOW I just can't do it anymore, I have no faith or hope left for him now, he's a mess and because I tried all these years to believe in him it only means I was enabling him...Too bad for me! Now where to go?and HOw do I get there..Help me I ask, for a change, Help me!
—Guest guess who?

Some advice

I don't know how to help myself either. I usually find very strong minded friends who will tell me to get off my butt and change it. Hilarious I've tried kicking the alcoholic out he won't go cause no one wants him. Maybe an alcoholic hospital like a jail be good then we could all move on with our life. They don't help us ever. They go to jail drinking and driving why not for ruining their family. Look up narcissism too it will help you understand them. Both go hand and hand. I feel best when he's at work now.
—Guest Wishful

Tired

Ok I'm tired of well you must have some problem to be with an alcoholic. This co dependent stuff is irritating. First you cannot control what they do trying to control is enabling trying to ignore is denial so you can't win. My husband is a binge drinker so he drinks a lot in a few hours eats passes out pisses himself get up and goes to work. I'm self employed and do everything. I have 4 small kids( two are twins)I ignore him. I tried leaving too and his enabling family kept giving him Thousands of dollars for a lawyer to stop the divorce so he can be taken care of by me. They are very co dependent. I went to a friends changed my number left gone and yeah because our legal system is retarded I am stuck. I make good money but can't pay bills get a fancy lawyer too. Tried on my own really did now I just hope he drinks himself to death. That's his choice anyway. My friends are gone they say I'm too angry or withdrawn. So tell me how do I go? I chose sober him but not this.
—Guest Rebshadow

Addiction

Hi, Thak you for sharing your stories. I have learned the solution is inside of me. I choose who I'm with and who I choose also chooses me. I'm not afraid I'm exhausted I'm denial from alcoholic who now sleeps with women. I'm uncomfortable cause I focus on her. I do need her communication to do my role in our family but I'm not recieveing this. I'm thinking of taking action to protect our grandchildren by at last sharing some boundaries with our children. I look forward to a healthy happy future but know I am gonna have to work for it by getting better my self. I have a higher power who saves me from devistation and a programm in Al-anon. I have learned there is support to get back into life. It took me several years to get here so its gonna take some time to get back on the straight and narrow. One day at a time I'm heading that way. Thanks for listening Stephen
—Guest Stephen

even when they're in recovery...

My husband has been in recovery for nearly 20 yrs. Until recently, he regularly attended meetings. After we got married 2 yrs ago, he stopped going as often so he could be at home at night with me. He goes to meetings occasionally during the day when I'm at work. Since he doesn't drink, he spends most of his time glued to the internet or watching tv. He isolates himself. I feel like he is substituting compulsive shopping for drinking. I have no idea how much money he spends, but the UPS truck makes several deliveries to our home a week. It's all useful stuff, but WE DONT NEED ANY OF IT. Other than that, he's grumpy, paranoid, has trouble with co-workers, etc. I've given up on trying to talk to him because I'm not interested in fighting. He's built his life to avoid as much accountability as possible. I try not to make excuses for him when he hides from people. He won't let me say he's a recovering alcoholic, so all I can say is he's tired. I'm embarrassd.
—Guest Sue

Feeling defeated

I have been with my alcoholic boyfriend for 6 years now and he has been drinking since the day we met. It has always controlled every aspect of our relationship. From the manipulation to the broken promises and shitty lies, I have heard and seen it all. It kills me to know that deep down inside he can't control it but what hurts more is knowing I still put up with it. He will sober up for a few periods at a time, but give it no more than 3 months and he's back to the 40's and back to the lying. He has been to rehabs, halfway houses and therapy--not to mention mandated by dwi charges... We try everytime to make it work. We love each other and there's no doubt in my mind how strong our love is for each other, but his love for alcohol grows deeper. I beg. I cry. I yell. I do all te things I shouldn't, but how can I not? I'm hurt... I try hard to believe in him and be a strong and good example, but feel so defeated after hearing he relapsed (today at 3 months sober) what else can I do?
—Guest JKn

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Have You Been Playing a Role in the Life of an Alcoholic?

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