been here before . .
- I just reread two posts that I wrote months ago - the song remains the same. Except that I now see a therapist and am working on myself; trying to figure out how to act like nothing is wrong - three days/nights of heavy drinking (I'm sure it's not over yet)ending up with peeing on himself every night where he landed - our bed, the couch and last night, outside on the hammock. So, this morning, I left for work and said very little beyond goodbye and have a good day - how do I not worry all day - how do I go home and act like nothing is wrong . .I will try to not engage in an argument and just go about my business. I will say that this totally sucks, I miss my husband and I miss my life.
- —Guest bertha
living in his world
- He just fell again "into his room" big crash, dog is hiding..she knows when he is drinking too. I hear him moving about, but I will not go too help anymore unless he calls for 911. He was very angry the last time I called an ambulance. I want out, but I am disabled, we have 3mortages bills..I will not leave my dog here either..so my Parents won't help, plus my Mother has alzheimers. Money is a huge issue..people say just leave..come live with me..but then I still would have to pay rent, have my dog. One even said, "well you can stay here, but the dog has to be kept in the basement" she's a 20lb beautiful Sheltie who has been w/me through all this. I just will not accept that idea. People mean well, but they don't get it. It is not easy to just walk out the door. I am 54 & cannot drive due to several spinal surgeries & now disabled. There is only about 3hrs a day that I can send him on errands, then his drunk&drug land..he is retired & has income.
- —Guest Shari76
Lost in his World
- I've been married 22yrs, the last 12 he has been an addict to alchol & prescription drugs. He can drink 30 beers a day & up to 40 pills-yes this is possible, I see it nearly daily. He has fallen down litterally everywhere, down stairs, off the toliet, which broke in half! He fell into the stove breaking it. He is a large man so he either breaks ribs, knees, his head or furniture. We had a good life then drugs entered via his own dr, anything he asked forr in mass quanties & REFILLS. 2yrs ago he almost died, was on life support for 35days then a nursing home for 2 weeks, I can't beleive he is alive! He started drinking & drugging about 2wks after coming home, it happened when he agreed to go to rehab,while in the process of signing in he had hidden oxycontin & swallowed them
- —Guest Sherry
Enabler
- I am a Mother of a 27year old young man who has been a binge drinker since he was 17. since then he has lost his licence through drink driving twice. last court appearance was 10 days ago. He now has a 40mth ban, which I would have liked to be permanent, court costs and 100hrs community service for reckless driving-he wiped out a bus stop at 1am. He is also still paying off bankruptcy from two years ago. When he had the last incident he promised he would be a new man, sort it all out,stop drinking etc etc. The day after court he was back in the pub. He is now unemployed as it was his works van he smashed and he was a delivery driver! To be honest we were just waiting on something happening. He is a very capable liar and up till now his dad has tried to be tough but is now worn down. I'm the soft one who fills in his forms and digs him out of the messes. But I've had enough. We are at a loss. Can't turn him away as the worry would be out of this world. so tired of it all.
- —agnesadams
Definitely a Provoker
- I have been with my husband for over 3 years. We got married in September and now have a baby on the way. I've known his drinking was a problem within the first few months but he's so kind and gentle when he's not drunk that I thought I could ignore it. He's not getting any better though. He comes home drunk from work. He drinks every day. He tells me the problem is that I get mad not that he drinks. He tells me I'm controlling. The denial is so frustrating. I wonder his can I trust him with our baby? I wonder will things ever change. I wish and pray that he knew how to enjoy drinking in a more socially acceptable fashion. He's an embarrassment to me when he's drunk. He also antagonizes me and tries to get a rise out of me to point that I slapped him in the face the other night. The next day we both apologized and he promised he would "cut back". Tonight he had 10 beers and was slurring like an idiot once again. I will be starting Alon an this week and will stop provoking.
- —Guest Ciera
I finally left
- After four years, verbal abuse, lack of respect for me and my children and family members, various physical confrontations, finding out about the "other" women, being thrown out, dealing with fits of rage I had to leave. I moved to a different state. Everything is just as bad now. Each time I attempt to communicate with him I am called horrible names, told I am a loser a nothing and that he will soon replace me. He is controlling, aggressive, uncaring and is consumed by anger. I have never done anything right, he takes no responsibilty for any of his actions and will not get help. I love him from the bottom of my heart but cant get on a ship that he will sink. It is so sad.
- —Guest redorgreen3
I'm trying...
- I've been w/ my fiance for 2 yrs & he's an alcoholic addict. I thought I was being helpful apparently I wasn't. I AM an enabler. I thought I had to be strong for him. I tried confrontation, I tried turning the blind eye, I've left him... they all helped a little, but as we all see, ultimately the bottle comes first. I GET being an alcoholic addict is a lifetime challenge & because I love him, I expressed I'm up for the challenge but the lies and destruction is destroying my faith in HIM and my hope for US. I kicked him out last night and then refused his calls and doorbell rings. Hardest thing ever. No, not being the first time kicking him out, but knowing it was the first time no matter how much I love & care. I just wanted him to GO & I prayed that he'd find his way. My problem is he's going thru major losses & I feel like I'm letting him down by not being there for him. I think I'll start attending alanon. Maybe there & in my praying I will find the answers or the strength.
- —Guest CR
OPPS! I did it again....
- Well, I did it, I let my alcoholic pull the strings. He came home drunk and I gave him the means to blame me.. I didn't act like "nothing was wrong". I didn't "ignore the behavior", I confronted him. And to make matters worse, in front of the teenagers. Opps, big mistake. Now he got drunk because of me...Baahaa. When will I learn. BTW I did start Alanon...I just don't have a sponsor yet to get me through situations like tonight...My bad. Tommorrow's another day..Hugs to all of you that are in this with me.
- —Guest Terri
ex-enabler
- My ex bf is still an alcoholic and will be for the rest of his life as long as he has suckers around as long as he find a new enabler to provode for him. Now u notice i said enabler, because alcoholics in the end have no friends or lovers, just people that they use. The words that come out of their Mouths and their actions do not always if ever rarely match. A cloud of deception is what the alcoholic lives in and he/she will try to suck his partner into this same nasty web. With a bad case of clouded judgement he sees the world and people in a negative light, a moiror immage of themselves. i am glad to be away from that yet i miss the warmth that he did give me when i got it.
- —Guest anne matthew
Provoker
- I am a provoker, i think. My husband just gets mean and hateful, and has even hit me in the past and pushed me down once. Today i still bring it up whenever he starts a fight with me , he thinks i am mad about something when i am not;it seems like he wants me to be mad at him because he says so. The next day we talk about what happend. Off to the races i always go bringing it back up i guess i thought he would here me way i am afraid of you! and he would not want me to feel that way so he sould change his behavior. All his life his parents have found him job, after job. I wonder if they enabled him and here i come along wanting him to take responsibility for his physcial and emotional abuse. When i bring this stuff up i am actually making it worse, right??? I feel like i always had to own up to my mistakes and i feel that with 7 dui's and the judge (a family friend) always just makes him go to class, i think the judge is doing him a disfavor. I am going to more aware of how i react.
- —Guest Kathy
Just plain tired
- I've been with him for 1 and 1/2 years and I have been enabling my fiance. I'm tired of him drinking away all of our money and not working while I'm in school worrying about where our next meal will come from. I'm tired of him hitting me when he feels "I've earned or deserved it." I'm tired of the lies and the false promises and of him saying "I want to change" and then not following thru. I'm tired of being abusive to him in return. He just went out and got drunk today spending our last 80$. He lies and says that he has no money so that I buy all the groceries and then he finds money to drink with. No more. I'm buying my own groceries and paying my own bills. He won't get a dime from me and if he puts his hands on me again I will kick him out although he left his family to move 1200 miles away for me to attend medical school I won't allow him to make me feel guilty for that anymore. I will not be a successful doctor with an alcoholic jobless abusive husband. My future is far too brigh
- —Guest CR
Thank you
- All the responses help me calm down and understand the alcoholic. I have dated a male for 3 years, and the drinking has gotten so bad I think he only drinks to sleep for hours on end. I, am cleaning, taking care of what has to be done, and he sleeps! Your posts have helped me decide to stop trying to change him and start to separate myself from him for good.
- —Getrea
A new beginning
- I was married 10 years and spent 6 of those years keeping my ex husband from hurting himself and others. His drinking has effected my two older children and my 8 year old. We left under a protection order and even though he appears to be not drinking I still believe he is. I am moving on with my life, he gets visitation of our 8 year old but the older children don't talk to him. Alcoholism, prescription pain medication abuse and antidepressants made all of our lives very unpredictable. For all - I learned that I was an enabler to my ex and when I left I spent two years in therapy learning to care for myself and have healthier relationships with others. I don't get caught up in his lies, emotions, drama. Me and my family deserve more.
- —Guest M
God gave me strength to leave!
- We have been married for 28 years and I finally realized he isn't going to change and I cannot get well being around him! I filed for divorce and our Temporary hearing was 3/5/2012. He has bullied me, belittled me in front of his friends co-workers and family and broke my heart! He has become greedy and self-centered! As a result of his behavior, I have depression, stress, high blood pressure and a Type II Diabetic. With Faith and a belief in Jesus Christ and my Heavenly Father, I am able to survive and stand up for myself! He doesn't know how to respond to me. He has locked me out of our house, without my friends I would be homeless! My attorney is working on getting me back in the house among other things! So everyone get BRAVE and Stand up for your rights!
- —Guest Belinda
Such a shame
- Its such a shame that alcoholics destroy everything around them. I am on the verge of divorce with my wife over it. The problem is we have 4 kids and she likes to get drunk and drive them around. The DUI she got didn't help deter her.
- —Guest Robert E. Lee
