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Readers Respond: Have You Been Playing a Role in the Life of an Alcoholic?

Responses: 472

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Updated September 22, 2012

Last time

After being cut down numerous times for no reason I'm finally done. He's a user. I don't know if he ever really loved me. Can an alcoholic love a person? I don't think so. They only have one thing on their mind. Beer.
—Guest Courtney

Lost n his behaviour

My husband is a retired military man of 20 years did 5 years a state trooper..never wanted for anything..till 1 day a knock at the door 3 state troopers at my door..knew he wasn't dead he was n bed ..but he had 12 counts of prescription forgery..needles to say wasn't good..I have night mares of my sons face still..he's a manipulator controller and liar and quite frankly I'm tired of herein we as the family members r the enablers..we r told to stop helping ..stop doing anything for them but yet we should get them help..today 4 and half years later he's drinking when he can't get hold of pills he says he needs it to sleep..really I maybe an enabler as I've been blamed but I'm not stupid..he doesn't eat takes over counter pills and sleeps all the times but now 5 days into his drinking I'm the making it sound worse than it is..I've lost a lot of friends my own self n his behavior and I want him gone before I die trying to go about my life like nothings going on..trouble is how no one wants to help
—Guest mandy

Sick of it

I am so tired of the drinking and the LIES!! I have played all the games! And " I promise i'll never drink again" my husband is a 53 yr old binge drinker and I'm just so tired.
—Guest Nanny03

Obnoxious,Arrogant,Beligerant Alcoholic

This man is out of his mind. Never admits to doing anything wrong. Wake up buddy! Im here because when he is normal hes the nicest person. Its tricky, I say things so nice and sweet to him when hes nice to me and all it takes is one upset and it gets thrown in my face, he starts yelling-which irritates my ears. he says " oh yesterday I was such a nice person and handsome and how much you love me and now you hate me, I think you have the problem" Yeah, no, I have an alcoholic husband who has an on off switch. I can not stand it when he is beligerant during his rants. I hold my voice for quite a while till I can't stand hearing the delusions coming from his mouth and threaten to call the police if he doesnt' stop harassing me and I yell back which makes me sick feeling! Oh, then he pulls my adult boys into the picture by calling them at any hour of the night because that's when hes the worst and goes on and on about how Im out of My mind! That is the worst!
—Guest sheila

I was a sucker for 34 years.

Silly silly me, It's all my fault..NOT! He is the one that is sick..but yet it has been my problem for so many many years...I have been temped to leave many many times, but of course I don't go far enough away because I'm still here..NOW I just can't do it anymore, I have no faith or hope left for him now, he's a mess and because I tried all these years to believe in him it only means I was enabling him...Too bad for me! Now where to go?and HOw do I get there..Help me I ask, for a change, Help me!
—Guest guess who?

Some advice

I don't know how to help myself either. I usually find very strong minded friends who will tell me to get off my butt and change it. Hilarious I've tried kicking the alcoholic out he won't go cause no one wants him. Maybe an alcoholic hospital like a jail be good then we could all move on with our life. They don't help us ever. They go to jail drinking and driving why not for ruining their family. Look up narcissism too it will help you understand them. Both go hand and hand. I feel best when he's at work now.
—Guest Wishful

Tired

Ok I'm tired of well you must have some problem to be with an alcoholic. This co dependent stuff is irritating. First you cannot control what they do trying to control is enabling trying to ignore is denial so you can't win. My husband is a binge drinker so he drinks a lot in a few hours eats passes out pisses himself get up and goes to work. I'm self employed and do everything. I have 4 small kids( two are twins)I ignore him. I tried leaving too and his enabling family kept giving him Thousands of dollars for a lawyer to stop the divorce so he can be taken care of by me. They are very co dependent. I went to a friends changed my number left gone and yeah because our legal system is retarded I am stuck. I make good money but can't pay bills get a fancy lawyer too. Tried on my own really did now I just hope he drinks himself to death. That's his choice anyway. My friends are gone they say I'm too angry or withdrawn. So tell me how do I go? I chose sober him but not this.
—Guest Rebshadow

Addiction

Hi, Thak you for sharing your stories. I have learned the solution is inside of me. I choose who I'm with and who I choose also chooses me. I'm not afraid I'm exhausted I'm denial from alcoholic who now sleeps with women. I'm uncomfortable cause I focus on her. I do need her communication to do my role in our family but I'm not recieveing this. I'm thinking of taking action to protect our grandchildren by at last sharing some boundaries with our children. I look forward to a healthy happy future but know I am gonna have to work for it by getting better my self. I have a higher power who saves me from devistation and a programm in Al-anon. I have learned there is support to get back into life. It took me several years to get here so its gonna take some time to get back on the straight and narrow. One day at a time I'm heading that way. Thanks for listening Stephen
—Guest Stephen

even when they're in recovery...

My husband has been in recovery for nearly 20 yrs. Until recently, he regularly attended meetings. After we got married 2 yrs ago, he stopped going as often so he could be at home at night with me. He goes to meetings occasionally during the day when I'm at work. Since he doesn't drink, he spends most of his time glued to the internet or watching tv. He isolates himself. I feel like he is substituting compulsive shopping for drinking. I have no idea how much money he spends, but the UPS truck makes several deliveries to our home a week. It's all useful stuff, but WE DONT NEED ANY OF IT. Other than that, he's grumpy, paranoid, has trouble with co-workers, etc. I've given up on trying to talk to him because I'm not interested in fighting. He's built his life to avoid as much accountability as possible. I try not to make excuses for him when he hides from people. He won't let me say he's a recovering alcoholic, so all I can say is he's tired. I'm embarrassd.
—Guest Sue

Feeling defeated

I have been with my alcoholic boyfriend for 6 years now and he has been drinking since the day we met. It has always controlled every aspect of our relationship. From the manipulation to the broken promises and shitty lies, I have heard and seen it all. It kills me to know that deep down inside he can't control it but what hurts more is knowing I still put up with it. He will sober up for a few periods at a time, but give it no more than 3 months and he's back to the 40's and back to the lying. He has been to rehabs, halfway houses and therapy--not to mention mandated by dwi charges... We try everytime to make it work. We love each other and there's no doubt in my mind how strong our love is for each other, but his love for alcohol grows deeper. I beg. I cry. I yell. I do all te things I shouldn't, but how can I not? I'm hurt... I try hard to believe in him and be a strong and good example, but feel so defeated after hearing he relapsed (today at 3 months sober) what else can I do?
—Guest JKn

Daughter of an alcoholic mother

I can relate to Emma, my mother was a working widowed mother but a drinker, nasty as can be in private, charming in public. When I finally left home to another city for work she would call me every night slurring and berate me. I finally wrote her a letter asking her not to call me anymore. As an adult I realize how hard it is for me to enjoy myself. This makes me sad. As my mother is quite old and I am still working on resolving my reactions to life.
—Guest Sally

saving the kids

My ex-wife and I share custody of our two children. She is an alchoholic who has self de-toxed twice and just finished a 30day re-hab. She has gone back to drinking everytime? She held down 3 jobs, carring mom, online classes, got a dog... all the things you expect to see. Turns out for years she has managed to hide this by drinking when I had the kids or drinking after the kids went to bed. Drinking out of the kids cups so no one would know. Drinking in the bathroom or laundry room. Hiding the wine behind the coffee maker. I have now had the kids full time for the last 8 weeks and I don't think it's going to change soon. My kids dont understand why they cant be with mommy and I am beside myself on how a mom can choose that life over her kids? I know it's not that simple but it is brutal to see her destryinmg her life and in the process others. She has always been supported by me but that is about to come to an end so we'll see what happens when she loses the apt. & car &... VerySad.
—rj5

Alcoholism

Married 30 yrs. He was fine till we had kids. Then he drank for "recreation". I was a stay at home mom. My kids r now grown. They have no relationship with him but r close to me. I could never leave becuz he was the breadwinner, but now? Im looking to move on. My advice? If your dating one, engaged or think hell change..forget it its rare. Save yourself. They make your life hell
—Guest now what

playing a part

Yes I have been guilty of enabling just to keep my sanity. However in the long run it hurt me and my family more.
—Guest lo

Playing a role in the life of an ALcohol

Yes I have and not knowing what to say or how to act . I relize I havent handled the situation at all well and let things go on to long almost feel trapped at time embrassed for the way i acted in front of my daughter but it is hard to deal with alone
—Guest Cindy

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Have You Been Playing a Role in the Life of an Alcoholic?

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