Alcoholic housemate
- Hi. I've been able to avoid this housemate until recently. One of his issues is to repeatedly play Cher for some sentimental reason related to his son. Someone else got annoyed and turned it off. I defended this other person and now I'm receiving death threats from the alcoholic. At this stage, I truly wonder if the best thing wouldn't be a jail sentence so he can sober up. But even then I suspect he would go back to drinking again. The cause of his drinking seems to be routed in some personal issues in his past which I couldn't care less about. Having seen the havoc that alcoholics can cause, my personal honor wouldn't permit this for myself. If I were to undergo something that would make me hate life so badly that I drank myself to oblivion from the moment of consciousness every day, I think I'd find the nearest cliff and jump off. Having witnessed the effects of alcoholic parents on a friend of mine in the past, I'm not actually certain that pedophilia or child abuse is really worse. After all, pedos at least have their sickness induced by a biological urge. Meanwhile alcoholics abuse their offspring ... for no real reason at all it seems. Pardon me for ranting. I'm just getting sick of the death threats.
- —Guest someguy
Confused Alcoholic
- I have known an alcoholic for about the past 18 months, his partner left him and he hit rock bottom and lost his licence after a bender at the local pub. I supported him as a friend and ended up in a relationship with him, things moved too quickly for him to cope with and he ended this relationship and is getting back with his ex partner. I have come out of the other side of this realizing that even he doesn;t know what he wants. Ill be around if he needs me, what's worse is I still have feelings for him. We have to think of ourselves, as the alcoholic will only deal with their problems when they are ready to and I think that's what we need to remember whatever relationship we have with the alcoholic. They have to be ready to help themselves before we can help them. Look out for your self.
- —Guest Guest 1
Confused/Hurt
- I have been married for 15 years to my husband. I am 39 years old and he is 45 years old and we have one 8 year old son together and 3 step children between us. He quit drinking for 6 years, but resumed again and is still drinking on and off. He has been in and out of treatment about 4 times. He has lost jobs in the past and we always had to start over and relocate. I was always there to pick him up and gave him to many chances that some day he would quit. Today we are living in separate towns due to jobs and I love my job which pays me very well. About a year ago I made the mistake of having a affair with a younger man and since that day my husband throws that in my face daily and reminds me of it. We constantly argue daily and he wants me to give my job up and move to where he is at. He says families belong together. But now its to a point he calls me down, texts me every minute of the day, makes front of my body and our sexual life. I am deeply hurt and confused. I want out!
- —efinn
Help for my sister
- Can someone help? My sister, 64, has been drinking for over 20 years. She admits she is an alcoholic and goes to AA meeting every day, but drinks every day. Lately, drinking even in morning and now it's vodka not just wine. A year ago I took her to the ER when she was drunk at 11am with 3x blood alcohol level. She doesn't want to stop - wants to be a "social drinker" even though she can't. She is primary care giver for my mother who is healthy in mind and body, but 91. She tells me to stop bugging her and trying to control her. When I cry and say I'm worried and want to help, she stares at me like she has no feelings. She is basically a loving aunt and sister, but drinking is her life. Her husband died 20 years ago. She was caregiver for her niece and nephews for 10 years, but they moved to DC. I'm sure she is bored with her life. her hobby is walking every day (6 mi) and goes on trips with other walkers. How can I get her to stop and realize her health is at risk. does she care?
- —zebrawalk
Thought I was the only one
- I never knew so many people lived my life. I thought I was the only one trying to hide my husband's problems or my problems after 17 years they are now my life and my problems. I believe we all know what the answer is we just have to find the strength and courage to finally put our self first and allow our self time to heal. I think that can only be done with out the alcoholic in your life, but once again do we or do I have the courage to live without the problem. (alcoholic) Good luck and thanks everyone now I know I am not alone!
- —Guest aruss
He Walked Out
- I am also a person who loves an alcoholic. For the past 3 years I have lived with an alcoholic. He has been gone a week now, because he spend the rent money on his car, $1,600. He told me two days after the rent was due, and this was after I paid almost $400 in other bills. I did lecture him as he calls it about responsibility and using my car until he had the money, but he walked out with nothing but the clothes on his back because that is all he had. I found him at a bar, and he was living out of his car. He is 63 years old, he has lied to me, has had erratic behavior, not taking flights when they were paid for, drinking at 4-5 in the am beer and lager. When he is not drinking, which is not very often, we have fun and laugh. But walking out on me when I have lent him money, furnished our new place top to bottom with new furniture. I feel so awful right now. I am an attractive woman who can not believe that he would do this to me. He was so conscience about money and he lost his $500 deposit apt.
- —Guest donna
Keep it all inside
- I have been with my husband for 13 years, left him for 2 years but I love him so I came back. This morning my daughter woke me up saying daddy puked and he said he was drinking . So I tell her he's sick and he will clean it up, not to worry. But this has been going on way to long. He said he would stop after I had her and even though it's not ever day it's a lot. I think you would call him a binge drinker. She is 4 and I don't want her to see this . I'v tried leaving, bagging, ignoring it. I've tried embarrassing him. I've tried talking and not talking. I've tried involving his family and they leave it all up to me. I don't want to leave but I also don't want her to see thi . I push it all inside...
- —Guest Jennifer
So Lost
- Well he's gone and I miss him so much, I wanted it to all go away, so why do I miss my alcoholic so much? I just couldn't take it anymore. How do you stop missing him, how do you pull it together and get on with your life? I have had two days off now and tomorrow I return to the office, how am I going to work and just act like everything is fine when I am a complete mess? Does it really get easier and how?
- —BlueEyes1961
Enabling
- He goes through withdrawal and starts getting the symptons and I feel guilty as he says he might die so I go and get him a drink I have tried not to but he gets angry and tells me it is bad for him to withdraw am I doing wrong? Help please I am at the end of my tether.
- —Guest Trish
Time's Tough
- I am the 30 year old son of an alcoholic, and arrived on the scene where my father was/is doing business and living in a foreign country. His drinking had become so grave it lead to hospitalizations the last near fatal and it became my total occupation to take care of and seek treatment for him. Logistical issues aside, the fear and responsibility I felt caused me to breakdown emotionally and appeal to him on whatever levels I could find to go get the help that my family and I coordinated. It was in and out of rehabs and detoxes both in the US and here, abroad. Now he is more than 6 mnths sober, my brother and I are working with/for him and many of the old attitudes remain and some bitter fights still crop up between us. I've been trying to understand what positive role I can play in this situation from the beginning. I want desperately not to struggle, compete, vie for his affection or gratitude that isn't naturally forthcoming, or enable him any further. How? Thanks to all who shared
- —Guest Adult Son
Whole family enabled mom, most still do
- I don't plan to ever see mom again. Her mind is so fried from years of prescription drugs, ten different doctors at once and any alcohol she can get her hands on, even rubbing alcohol. I spent my teen years taking care of her and being the mom to my brothers, father and especially her. She would go to a rehab and waltz around like she was at ClubMed on vacation. When she came back she would say "You know, I was the only one there who didn't have a problem". My father mostly ignored her, which made her do outrageous things to get attention. Such as cutting down all the plants he had put in front yard, so I had to stand at the bus stop with all the kids talking about my crazy mother as if I was invisible. I realized early on, this was not about me, but you should matter in your own life Even today, I keep to myself and only believe I truly matter to my child. I'm definitely better off than my brothers, though, they always felt it was all somehow their fault. They're all in jail.
- —Guest fish
Looking in the mirror
- As I read these stories it is like looking in the mirror. I am in love with an alcoholic, or so i thought. What I am realizing in Al-Anon is that I am as sick as she is. I can"t help her until I learn to love myself again, and maybe even then I won't be able to help her. If I continue to beg, chastise, threaten things will only get worse. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do but I must let my wife hit her own bottom You cannot do it for her! Save your self first if you want any chance of helping your alcoholic!
- —Guest Pete
Husband is Verbally, Emotionally Abusive
- I have been with this man for 20 years. I tried drinking drink for drink with him, throwing away his alcohol, lying for him, covering up for his actions, being humiliated and embarrassed by him, frustrated, hurt and now I'm done. He refuses to leave so I am going to be forced to get a restraining order and file for divorce. He has promised to go to rehab, and was in the hospital for alcohol poisoning recently but hasn't done anything and I believe he has another hidden bottle. I hate to throw away 20 years of my life. He is wonderful, funny and nice when he's not drinking. Has so many confidence, emotional problems that I don't know if he can ever over come them. Please tell me how to get him to leave other than have him thrown out by the police after filing for divorce. His records of drunken arrests will support a restraining order for me I'm sure. I want him gone when he acts mean, drunk, surly, and childish - he spits, picks his nose, refuses to eat and more.
- —Guest Age 57 wife
Keep on hoping
- I and my husband have without realizing been enablers to our 32-year-old son for the last 10 years - bailing him out of the messes, sorting out crisis. It wasn't until I found some Al-Anon sites that I realized there was a way to take control of our lives again we have learned about detachment and letting him know he's responsible for the messes he gets into. Because of his drinking he's got to pay the price for his own actions. We have also let him know that should he really want to change his life we'll help him. It's very early yet, so there's not a lot changed with him, but we certainly feel more in control of our lives.
- —suky1
A disheartened daughter
- I'm the child of an alcoholic mother, I've watched her abuse my father for the best part of 15 years. I'm 21 now and have an amazing man who I feel has saved me, we have a lovely home together, but who will save my Dad? I feel so guilty every day for having left my dad and my little sister with mum and responsibility of looking after her. We always make excuses for a time when she will snap out of it, when she will reach rock bottom, losing her driver's licence to drink driving, court cases, ambulances, but really I know and kind of accept now that she will just keep drinking until she dies. And there is nothing I can ever do though it breaks my heart and I know my true, lovely mum is still deep inside her. A disheartened daughter, Thanks for reading.
- —Guest Harriet
