Still Have Faith
- I've been thru' every part of the cycle with my partner until I asked him to leave six months ago. I still see him on a regular basis and I still love him. He is spiraling out of control, recently banned from driving after being stopped by the police six times over the limit. He nearly went to prison for three months. I wish he had. He would have lost his house, his job and a lot else besides, but it would have dried him out. He accepts he is alcoholic but that's as far as we have got. It has taken us to hell and back and we haven't moved much further on. Why oh why can an alcoholic not be sectioned under the mental health act?? My fella says he doesn't want to wake up each time he goes to bed. This is a man who is mentally ill and I can't persuade him to go to the doctor, I've tried everything. He lives back home, his parents are enablers, covering up the embarrassment they feel by not talking about it. I am watching my man die slowly and painfully. He is such a lovely man, what to do.
- —Guest Beyond Sad
What Haven't I Tried?
- My husband is an alcoholic. He knows he has a problem and says that he wants to quit, but I wonder if he is just telling me what I want to hear. When we first got together I had a job paying me good money, I had a car, and I was very stable. Now I am desperately searching for a job because he never wanted me to work and he lost his. We had to sell my car because he would spend all of our money on alcohol instead of my car payment. I have tried yelling, crying, reasoning, I talked to his family, I talked to my family, and I tried leaving him for a short time. When I left him I went to my mother's house who is also an alcoholic so it wasn't much of an escape for my kids and me. At this point, I feel like I just need to get into a stable position in my life and decide from there what to do. My fear is that he will never quit and I will be forced to leave. The kids would be devastated. They love him so much and he really is the best person I know when he is not drunk.
- —Guest Lost
- We lived a life for 38 years and for the past 35 yr. we have lived in the same house. The alcoholic remained in the house but came and went in my life. On the good days he was tolerable when he was ugly I managed to live my life regardless. I did not rescue, I stopped trying to save him, yet few knew he was alcoholic. I always asked friends when I should leave and the answer was "always you'll know" when it is time to leave. So after 38 yr I am trying to divorce. It is not easy and I am being made to look like the bad guy. And still, there is a part of me that realizes I will be the one to care for him when the end comes. I am too angry at him but more angry at me for not leaving sooner. I have lost my adult children, my job, and can't sell my house. I am stuck with a drunk and now I must clean up after him because it would otherwise be elder abuse. I would go to jail. His health is failing and he refuses to take care of him. I will do the best I can. I hope to keep my sanity.
Husband and Father
- I have been married for over 20 years. My husband is very loving and a wonderful father to our four children. Unfortunatly I am thinking of ending our marriage but cannot follow through with it. My husband grew up with an alcoholic father. He complains how much he hated his father, but does not look in the mirror himself. He has always been a drinker and it has never bothered me before. Last year he lost his job and was out of control. He now has cut back but still needs to drink "every night". We fight in front of the kids and I have threatened to leave. Recently my daughter tried to commit suicide and I do believe some of her problem is related. He is in denial and does not see it that way. He also gets extremely angry when I bring up the subject and thinks he should be left alone and worst, it is acceptable. I have not worn my wedding ring for over 6 month and said when he quits I will wear again. I feel drinking is more important than our kids and marriage. Help!!!!
- —Guest HELP
- My step-dad drank 5 years ago but stopped. Now he is doing it again. He never hurt anyone yet but it may just be soon. He does get annoying and he turned the circuit breaker off 5 times last night because he wanted to, so my mom decided to "clean" house. She threw away everything she said she did not need. It was mostly her stuff but some of his. She did this because of the drinking. I told her to throw the rest of the whiskey out. She said he would just buy more. Then I told her to leave she said no because he would just go find her and go around driving drunk. My dad smoked so she left him but she won't leave my step-dad. I am so sick of my mom being depressed but denying it. Someone help me!
- —Guest Frustrated child
- I have had talks to him about not coming to my house drunk. I have told him his drinking going to have to stop, I'm getting sick over him drinking.
- —Guest Emily
Need to Focus on Myself Now
- My husband didn't drink (he'd been sober about 20 years) when I married him seven years ago but then one day just started and it has progressively become a huge problem for me. Last year I closed a home-based business and went back to a full time job and the problem became intolerable -- finding hidden bottles, finding him passed out on the bed when I get home from work, finding burners left on when he cooks, his sloppiness when he drinks, having the same conversation over and over again sometimes 10 times in an hour because he doesn't remember we already talked about it, listening to him talk to himself or repeat himself to me over and over, his passing out just about every night after drinking, and above all, the denial denial denial. I get so angry at him. I thought he hit rock bottom 3 months ago when he was rushed to the hospital with a pulmonary embolism and spent 3 days there. The doctor told him straight out that he had to stop drinking and he did, for about six weeks...
Another day in Paradise
- I'm as twisted and sick as my drunk husband, and I'm getting old, and tomorrow has become a page so scary that I'd rather just close the book then find out how it ends. He couldn't stay sober long enough to get it together to make it to Thanksgiving dinner with our family, a 5 hour drive away. He fixed cars instead and I simmered in the house. Yesterday, my birthday, as if nothing had happened the day before he was ready to go, and he did go, without me. He's there with our kids and grandkids, enjoying the long weekend and believing that my absence is unrelated to anything about him. I don't know how to let go of my anger, or shame. I hide. I don't leave my house. I have forgotten how to be with people. Days, sometimes weeks without hearing a human voice. I'm not suicidal but quietly inside, I can't imagine staying alive. Everything hurts and I'm afraid of what tomorrow will feel like. I don't have hope anymore. And help seems unlikely.
- —Guest Say it ain't so
Tried every thing to make him stop.
- I m 23 years old and I have been with a man who is an alcoholic, I have tried every thing to make him stop. I have given him promises, threaten him that I'll leave him if he drinks, or I'll kill myself but he never listens to Me. I'm afraid that one day I really have to do this if he continues. Help me.
- —Guest Frustrated
- I am an alcoholic and I have quit drinking a number of times. I'm not abusive to anyone when drinking just dorky and I'm sure very annoying to everyone. My wife as taken the "tough" approach and and completely freaks out if I have a beer and tells me what a loser I am and such. So now I hide my drinking and expect we will eventually divorce. How can I help myself if I am under a thumb? If I am told that I can't do something. I will do it . "no drinking = more drinking" how can I choose if a have no choice ?
- —Guest Gollum
Husband has problem
- My husband has a drinking problem. So sad..the things he has done to me while drinking. I can't even stand the thought of him taking a sip. As soon as I see that he has bought beer, or anything I feel instantly pissed off and scared because I know what it means. I've tried ignoring him while he drinks, tried fighting it out, reasoning, loving..all of it. Our children are 7, 3, and 1 and I'm so scared that they will grow to hate him (like I do) while he's drunk. He turns into a monster and picks fights over anything. Even when I don't "indulge" him and argue back, he still gets pissed and says "I can't even have a conversation with my own wife". Starts carrying on, slamming doors. I'm always afraid he'll wake the kids :( he "quit" drinking again yesterday. Now he's ignoring me and acting like I'm doing something awful. I'm so lost..
- —Guest Amanda
- I have been with the same man for 14 years and no matter what I try, he does not quit drinking. He blames me, his work, the loss of his brother, and everything in his life for drinking, except himself. We have children and when he is not drinking he is a wonderful, smart, good hearted person. But when he does drink he is twenty different people. I have tried supporting him, threatening to leave him, leaving him, humiliating him, ignoring him, and no matter what I do, he does not change. I feel embarrassed that I am still with him because I am an intelligent woman that really does know better and I know that I need to leave for the kids sake, and yet I stay because I love who he is when he isn't drunk. I do not understand why he does this to himself and us and I just pray that he will stop for himself and us. I have grown to hate him and myself for enabling this to continue. I want to leave and I want to stay. I am so ashamed that I let this happen. I am ashamed that I participated.
- —Guest Embarrassed
Promised But Lied
- My mother is an alcoholic, she has been like this since her mother died in 2006. You would no believe how may times she has promised she would stop. About 3 months ago she did stop and she started again yesterday on 12 November, my birthday. She brought a big case of beers for everyone to drink but that night she drank the rest (12 more beers). I miss my mother, the one who was there when i was sad or hurt. But now she is the one who is doing it to me.
- —Guest imsad
What do I do?
- I have come to be broken, I love my husband very much, have two boys and we were happy! He was so drunk that he grabbed me by the hair and choked me in front of our kids! I totally panicked, they were crying and screaming and that just broke my heart, I also fell into tears! They don't deserve this. This is not like my husband, he must have used drugs also because he went mad, calling me all sorts of names. The man I loved is no where to be seen. I honestly don't know where to turn or what to do. Yes i do still love him, we have come along way, but I also know that if he can lift his hand once he will do it again. Then what?
Forced into detox
- My husband tried so many times to get me to stop drinking; however, he did not succeed until he forced me into a 15 week detox program. I am sorry to say that alcohol cost me everything I had, including my family, my marriage, my home and my job. Because alcohol is cunning, baffling, and powerful, there was no other way I was able to stop. Unfortunately, this is what had to happen to me for me to stop drinking. This rehab was a blessing is disguise, because it has been five years now since I have picked up a drink. I am proud to say I have my family back, a roof over my head, a job and a car. These I will never again take for granted. I am blessed today because of Alcoholics Anonymous and my higher power. Thank you.
- —Guest Gretchen B.