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Readers Respond: What Have You Tried to Get Someone to Stop Drinking?

Responses: 205

By

Updated October 09, 2014

Denial

My husband grew up in a small town in Mexico and it is the norm there for all men to drink beer or your not a man, therefore he has been drinking since he was 15 yrs. old. He is now 62 yrs. old and we have been married for 39 years. He is not abusive but on edge by 8 pm because he hasn't eaten. Well he'll eat a big breakfast and the beer is lunch then will stop drinking around 11pm by then he has had about 10 beers per night. He has stopped before but only for about two weeks then starts again or stop right before a blood test. He says he's not an Alcoholic because he is not drinking first thing in the morning and not out in the street falling down. What do I tell him? How do I get him to stop? I know he is hurting himself.
—Guest Margaret

Disappointing mother

My mother is not the worst drinker. Her friends are worse than her sometimes. But tonight I feel like crying so hard. It is 4:48 a.m. My mom"hooked up" with a dude she met at my grandmother's Christmas party. She "hooked up" with him that night too. I want to slap him so bad since he's just using her when she's drunk. I'm thinking about confronting him when he wakes up or whenever my mother isn't near. Even though I'm only 13 I'm mature for my age. I want him to know that it's sick to use a drunken woman twice and when her daughter is in the room next door. I know it may seem I'm ranting about him but if it want for mom's drinking this wouldn't be happening. Tomorrow, actually today since it's 5 am I'm going to confront my mother about this. Since I'm 13 I feel this might be one of the most awkward conversations for both of us.
—Guest Sad & disappointed daughter

Still Have Faith

I've been thru' every part of the cycle with my partner until I asked him to leave six months ago. I still see him on a regular basis and I still love him. He is spiraling out of control, recently banned from driving after being stopped by the police six times over the limit. He nearly went to prison for three months. I wish he had. He would have lost his house, his job and a lot else besides, but it would have dried him out. He accepts he is alcoholic but that's as far as we have got. It has taken us to hell and back and we haven't moved much further on. Why oh why can an alcoholic not be sectioned under the mental health act?? My fella says he doesn't want to wake up each time he goes to bed. This is a man who is mentally ill and I can't persuade him to go to the doctor, I've tried everything. He lives back home, his parents are enablers, covering up the embarrassment they feel by not talking about it. I am watching my man die slowly and painfully. He is such a lovely man, what to do.
—Guest Beyond Sad

What Haven't I Tried?

My husband is an alcoholic. He knows he has a problem and says that he wants to quit, but I wonder if he is just telling me what I want to hear. When we first got together I had a job paying me good money, I had a car, and I was very stable. Now I am desperately searching for a job because he never wanted me to work and he lost his. We had to sell my car because he would spend all of our money on alcohol instead of my car payment. I have tried yelling, crying, reasoning, I talked to his family, I talked to my family, and I tried leaving him for a short time. When I left him I went to my mother's house who is also an alcoholic so it wasn't much of an escape for my kids and me. At this point, I feel like I just need to get into a stable position in my life and decide from there what to do. My fear is that he will never quit and I will be forced to leave. The kids would be devastated. They love him so much and he really is the best person I know when he is not drunk.
—Guest Lost

Enough

We lived a life for 38 years and for the past 35 yr. we have lived in the same house. The alcoholic remained in the house but came and went in my life. On the good days he was tolerable when he was ugly I managed to live my life regardless. I did not rescue, I stopped trying to save him, yet few knew he was alcoholic. I always asked friends when I should leave and the answer was "always you'll know" when it is time to leave. So after 38 yr I am trying to divorce. It is not easy and I am being made to look like the bad guy. And still, there is a part of me that realizes I will be the one to care for him when the end comes. I am too angry at him but more angry at me for not leaving sooner. I have lost my adult children, my job, and can't sell my house. I am stuck with a drunk and now I must clean up after him because it would otherwise be elder abuse. I would go to jail. His health is failing and he refuses to take care of him. I will do the best I can. I hope to keep my sanity.
—Chrissaysenough

Husband and Father

I have been married for over 20 years. My husband is very loving and a wonderful father to our four children. Unfortunatly I am thinking of ending our marriage but cannot follow through with it. My husband grew up with an alcoholic father. He complains how much he hated his father, but does not look in the mirror himself. He has always been a drinker and it has never bothered me before. Last year he lost his job and was out of control. He now has cut back but still needs to drink "every night". We fight in front of the kids and I have threatened to leave. Recently my daughter tried to commit suicide and I do believe some of her problem is related. He is in denial and does not see it that way. He also gets extremely angry when I bring up the subject and thinks he should be left alone and worst, it is acceptable. I have not worn my wedding ring for over 6 month and said when he quits I will wear again. I feel drinking is more important than our kids and marriage. Help!!!!
—Guest HELP

My step-dad

My step-dad drank 5 years ago but stopped. Now he is doing it again. He never hurt anyone yet but it may just be soon. He does get annoying and he turned the circuit breaker off 5 times last night because he wanted to, so my mom decided to "clean" house. She threw away everything she said she did not need. It was mostly her stuff but some of his. She did this because of the drinking. I told her to throw the rest of the whiskey out. She said he would just buy more. Then I told her to leave she said no because he would just go find her and go around driving drunk. My dad smoked so she left him but she won't leave my step-dad. I am so sick of my mom being depressed but denying it. Someone help me!
—Guest Frustrated child

Boyfriend

I have had talks to him about not coming to my house drunk. I have told him his drinking going to have to stop, I'm getting sick over him drinking.
—Guest Emily

Need to Focus on Myself Now

My husband didn't drink (he'd been sober about 20 years) when I married him seven years ago but then one day just started and it has progressively become a huge problem for me. Last year I closed a home-based business and went back to a full time job and the problem became intolerable -- finding hidden bottles, finding him passed out on the bed when I get home from work, finding burners left on when he cooks, his sloppiness when he drinks, having the same conversation over and over again sometimes 10 times in an hour because he doesn't remember we already talked about it, listening to him talk to himself or repeat himself to me over and over, his passing out just about every night after drinking, and above all, the denial denial denial. I get so angry at him. I thought he hit rock bottom 3 months ago when he was rushed to the hospital with a pulmonary embolism and spent 3 days there. The doctor told him straight out that he had to stop drinking and he did, for about six weeks...
—GettingStrong

Another day in Paradise

I'm as twisted and sick as my drunk husband, and I'm getting old, and tomorrow has become a page so scary that I'd rather just close the book then find out how it ends. He couldn't stay sober long enough to get it together to make it to Thanksgiving dinner with our family, a 5 hour drive away. He fixed cars instead and I simmered in the house. Yesterday, my birthday, as if nothing had happened the day before he was ready to go, and he did go, without me. He's there with our kids and grandkids, enjoying the long weekend and believing that my absence is unrelated to anything about him. I don't know how to let go of my anger, or shame. I hide. I don't leave my house. I have forgotten how to be with people. Days, sometimes weeks without hearing a human voice. I'm not suicidal but quietly inside, I can't imagine staying alive. Everything hurts and I'm afraid of what tomorrow will feel like. I don't have hope anymore. And help seems unlikely.
—Guest Say it ain't so

Tried every thing to make him stop.

I m 23 years old and I have been with a man who is an alcoholic, I have tried every thing to make him stop. I have given him promises, threaten him that I'll leave him if he drinks, or I'll kill myself but he never listens to Me. I'm afraid that one day I really have to do this if he continues. Help me.
—Guest Frustrated

Hiding

I am an alcoholic and I have quit drinking a number of times. I'm not abusive to anyone when drinking just dorky and I'm sure very annoying to everyone. My wife as taken the "tough" approach and and completely freaks out if I have a beer and tells me what a loser I am and such. So now I hide my drinking and expect we will eventually divorce. How can I help myself if I am under a thumb? If I am told that I can't do something. I will do it . "no drinking = more drinking" how can I choose if a have no choice ?
—Guest Gollum

Husband has problem

My husband has a drinking problem. So sad..the things he has done to me while drinking. I can't even stand the thought of him taking a sip. As soon as I see that he has bought beer, or anything I feel instantly pissed off and scared because I know what it means. I've tried ignoring him while he drinks, tried fighting it out, reasoning, loving..all of it. Our children are 7, 3, and 1 and I'm so scared that they will grow to hate him (like I do) while he's drunk. He turns into a monster and picks fights over anything. Even when I don't "indulge" him and argue back, he still gets pissed and says "I can't even have a conversation with my own wife". Starts carrying on, slamming doors. I'm always afraid he'll wake the kids :( he "quit" drinking again yesterday. Now he's ignoring me and acting like I'm doing something awful. I'm so lost..
—Guest Amanda

Embarrassed

I have been with the same man for 14 years and no matter what I try, he does not quit drinking. He blames me, his work, the loss of his brother, and everything in his life for drinking, except himself. We have children and when he is not drinking he is a wonderful, smart, good hearted person. But when he does drink he is twenty different people. I have tried supporting him, threatening to leave him, leaving him, humiliating him, ignoring him, and no matter what I do, he does not change. I feel embarrassed that I am still with him because I am an intelligent woman that really does know better and I know that I need to leave for the kids sake, and yet I stay because I love who he is when he isn't drunk. I do not understand why he does this to himself and us and I just pray that he will stop for himself and us. I have grown to hate him and myself for enabling this to continue. I want to leave and I want to stay. I am so ashamed that I let this happen. I am ashamed that I participated.
—Guest Embarrassed

Promised But Lied

My mother is an alcoholic, she has been like this since her mother died in 2006. You would no believe how may times she has promised she would stop. About 3 months ago she did stop and she started again yesterday on 12 November, my birthday. She brought a big case of beers for everyone to drink but that night she drank the rest (12 more beers). I miss my mother, the one who was there when i was sad or hurt. But now she is the one who is doing it to me.
—Guest imsad
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