From the article: How Can I Get Him to Stop?
Friends and family members of alcoholics and addict try all kinds of tactics to try to get their love one to stop drinking. Please share what you have done to try to get the alcoholic in your life to stop and what the results were. Post Your Answer
No hope!
- I am married to this man now for over 20 years. We have two adorable kids, 22 and 17. We all don't have much respect for him anymore. He drinks everyday,work or no work. Swears and treats me like dirt. He admits he is an alcoholic, when to the doctor for rehab centres, but didn't do anything about it. I went to AA-meetings on my own to make me feel good about myself and to help him cope with his alcoholism. I attended workshops to motivate myself and to learn how to cope with an alcoholic. Nothing helped. He drinks now more then ever, has lots of childhood issues and refuses to go and see a psychologist. I had a heart attack last year because of all the stress. Our son doesnt speak to his dad and although we don't have much respect for him, we care for him dearly. If only he can see it. We try our utmost to include him in our activities, but it's difficult because he doesn't go anywhere where there is no liquor. I went to see a psychologist also. Is there hope?
- —Guest givingup
It's finally over
- I have been with my boyfriend for 2 long and tormented years. For the first couple months of knowing him, I knew he liked to party and drink, but I never knew he had an absolute drinking problem. After two years of his lies, secrets, shadiness, and making me suffer and cry myself to sleep. I couldn't do it anymore. When he is sober we have the most wonderful relationship ever. He is sweet, sensitive, he tells me he wants to marry me, and how much he loves me. When he drinks it is like the devil is in him. I don't know who that person is. I don't have any respect for him. I don't trust him. I never caught him cheating but he is very flirtatious when he drinks and loud and self destructive. He started drinking and did drugs when he was about 13 years old! His dad is also an alcoholic. It's been an ongoing cycle for two years, and I put up with it all until he put his hands on me when he was drunk. That did it for me. I'm done with trying. He took it too far
- —Guest Hopeless
Saddened by alcohol
- We are a relatively young family with two children. I hardly drink, have never done drugs and try to live healthy and happy and the same for our children. Their father drinks Becks beer. He has gone so far as to blame drinking so much on the fact that they reduced the can size from 12 oz to 11.2 oz. We argue all the time about it, but he sits in the basement drinking for hours going to sleep at dawn. The kids are affected in the lack of participation from their dad. They don't see him drink because he does it while they sleep and sleeps until he goes to work in the late afternoon. He has just admitted to his problem in last night's fight or early morning to me, but even in that admission he says he can not stop because he is too stressed. He is an extremely intelligent functioning person who only drinks in those late hours. I consider the effects on the kids if things do not change soon. Friends and family drink and I don't know how to host parties that are dry?
- —Guest anonomously sad
I can't help him
- My Grandad died 6 years ago, because he had cirrhosis of the liver, due to the fact he was an alcoholic. He tried to stop, but he couldn't do it. When my Grandad was very ill he tried to tell my dad to get help before it was too late. I am 18 years old and my dad has been an alcoholic for much longer than my life time, even a man dying through the same illness couldn't persuade my dad to stop. He is very ill now but the simple fact is, he doesn't want to stop, he even tells me he doesn't want to live. I have tried standing by him, making him feel his life is worth saving, and I have even told him, I'll never touch an alcoholic drink again if he doesn't, but still no change. It's tearing me apart, I've seen two people I love kill themselves, and each time I couldn't help them. It's true if they don't want to stop they won't, I can't do anything but watch my dad kill himself, just like I watched my Grandad.
- —Guest sadgirl
Ways to stop booze
- I am now sober 6 years, and people are amazed at how I went from a sick, homeless drunk with the DT's, to a man sober and content in life without alcohol! I tell people there are many things in life better than alcohol or drugs! Demonstrating by example is how I have influenced some other people to want to quit!
- —Guest daniel didonna
Light Bulb
- It took my own recovery to discover that their isn't any help, but ones own desire to quit and seek help. I reached my 5 years of sobriety today. I now watch my drinking partners struggle with their everyday addiction hoping that they too will reach out and seek help. I pray that they will walk in my door and ask for that help. I am waiting and one has come and is going into detox. It makes me feel that prayers do get answered and a light bulb was turned on somewhere in one's foggy world where I once was. I am a drug and alcohol worker for my community.
- —Guest Jessie
Serenity for me now....
- I have been married to an alcoholic for 32 years. From the day we dated up to this point he was a drinker, went from beer to vodka through the years. Vodka was his best friend. I had done like so many of you trying to get him to understand that things could be SO much better if he could just put the bottle down. Over the years I could see and watched his health decline and I always told him that if he didn't stop the "bottle would win". Oct.16, 2009, I came home from work and my husband that I have loved since I was the age of 15 was "taking a nap." Little did I know that GOD and decided that it was "enough" for him and me. Sober he was the best guy in the whole world and I have loved him and will continue to love him in my memories. He left his life with a bad heart, COPD, and fatty tissue liver. The last few months when he would argue with me, it was always about his health, but he would always wait to start the fight when he was drunk. Through the years I tried everything I could.
- —betterthaniwas
Gratitude for the alcoholic in my life
- I again have found myself in Love very deeply with an active alcoholic. My gratitude has come from our Love and the fact that his drinking behaviors have turned me towards an inner strength that I had let go of. My faith has become stronger and I realize that the love we shared has healed some broken places, yet I also know I can not hold on to any specific results with this relationship. I have moved to another state and have put the relationship in the hands of God. I have my moments of grieving the loss of connection, yet have found peace in turning it over to God. I miss him dearly and want him in my life, however, I can't live with him and maintain any sanity during active drinking. I hope God can do what I couldn't do. I thought leaving him would bring him around, because I thought he loved me that much, but I know the disease has a grip on him. It owns him until he is willing to stand up and ask for help, There is nothing I can do except pray and offer encouragement.
- —Guest Tress
I am an alcoholic - been there done that
- Hi, I am writing this as a recovering alcoholic. My family - a wife of 35 years & two great adult children finally had enough of my drinking 23 months ago. By then I was too sick to resist when the ambulance arrived. I was a functional alcoholic, I held down a good job, I didnt drink-drive, I wasn't abusive but my life revolved totally around access to alcohol. In the latter stages 3 bottles of wine and half a litre of spirits was my daily intake. The body finally caved and I spent 6 weeks in hospital and 6 months in 24 hour care. I am lucky to be alive. The major factor in my recovery has been my family and my total focus now is to somehow repair the anguish that I have put them through. I have a good job again, I function normally and I just love being off the booze. I will never go back to it. My message is don't give up, support them as much as you can and get medical help. Get them into treatment - it won't be easy as alcoholics are in a premanant state of denial. Good luck.
- —gazzaw
Hoping rehab will work....
- I have read all the posted stories and for once in 4 years I feel that there are people out there who understand me. My brother is the alcoholic and yes I have tried it all - threats, silent treatment, lectures, limiting money etc. The stressful thing is that the drinking got worse after my mother died and we had been separated from my father, so am his only true family left (my other relatives are fed up of his drinking and don't seem to care any more). I have now decided to take him to rehab which is very expensive in my country and I have to take a huge loan to do it, so am praying that he won't relapse. God knows I have been through enough.
- —loosinhope
Run With It
- To those of you who finally left the drinking partner, good for you. To those of you who have not, when will you go? Will you sacrifice your whole life to a person whose primary concern is NOT you, but the bottle. I am in recovery. My partner is in relapse. I am so detached that it is only a matter of calendar days before I file for a divorce. Because I know I COULD go on any given day, it gives me the freedom to stay for one day longer. We too have very young children. I will not be giving unsupervised visitation until they are old enough to call me when they want to come home. I stay because I too keep hoping one day soon my husband will see the light, recognize what his drinking does to him and his relationships. It is foolish. I left many wonderful men in the dust (or more truthfully, they left me) because they refused to tolerate either my drinking or the behavior that it wrought. I nearly sacrificed my career as a teacher. It took that for me to quit.
- —Guest a scrappy wife
Drinking himself to death
- I have a common law who is a heavy drinker, he is only 27 and he has been a heavy drinker since about last year. This year is even worse, I am up to the point where I wait for a call someone letting me know that he died of an alcohol poisoning. I love him so much we have been together for 11 years and we have two beautiful kids. I know I can't make him quit drinking because I have tried. He has to want to on his own, but it is really hard watching your other half drinking himself to death. I hope someday he will grow up up and take care of his two beautiful children. Until then, God help him.
- —Guest miss butterfly
Same routine over and over
- I am in a relationship that has only gotten worse over time. We have three great kids and they are truly the ones who suffer. He works in a restaurant where the employees are encouraged to drink with customers. So, by the end of the night when he comes home to me, it is not good. When he isn't drinking he is a lot more sweet and patient. When he is drunk everything is my fault, he will call me every name you can think of, hit me, kick me, pull my hair, throw things to make huge messes, even while I am holding our youngest sleeping baby. I have tried to leave but he threatens that he will take the kids and I will never see them. He says if I leave he will always find me. He comes from a family where almost every male drinks or has an alcohol problem. I am so fed up, and sick to my stomach that I am still here trying to pretend that nothing happened. I cannot confide in my family because I do not want to make them worry. I just want to wake up from this nightmare.
- —Guest Monika
Lost
- My other half has been drinking and hiding it from me. During our relationship he has had two "emotional" affairs, first time he met up with a girl on the Internet and second time, having lost his job and working in a temp job for minimum wage, he got too attached to a female colleague. I found out both times and took him back. Around about the second time I also found a load of beer cans in our back bedroom and an empty whiskey bottle. He broke down, said he didn't want to lose me and had been suffering from depression, and I forgave him. He now has a new job and we were back on the up. until I discovered more empty cans and bottles under the bed. he says it's to help him sleep as he is now working shifts, and that he hid it from me as he knew I wouldn't approve of him spending the money as we're supposed to be paying off our debt ready to have a baby. He won't admit he has a problem and I'm scared it's only going to get worse. but I also don't want to over-react.
- —Guest tinkerbell
Just the beginning
- I've only been with my boyfriend for six months. After having the same fight over and over about his drinking he has finally admitted to me that he has a problem and he needs help. Now actually getting the help is the next step! He is the sweetest man on earth, so I'm hopeful that he will be able to make the change. Even when he's drinking he's sweet as anything, just pleads with me for one more drink, two more drinks and inevitably will always break his word. Now he's given me control of his finances, so I hope that with that and some professional help, there are brighter days ahead.
- —Guest hopeful
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