Friends and family members of alcoholics and addict try all kinds of tactics to try to get their love one to stop drinking. Please share what you have done to try to get the alcoholic in your life to stop and what the results were. Post Your Answer
You can't help them
- My mum's been an alcoholic for 30 years and i've dealt with it on and off for my entire life.
In 22 years of dealing with it the one conclusion i've come to is that you can't help them. In response to the person at the top (Every Single Weekend) i almost did kill myself. I stopped eating to gain control of my life and got dangerously thin to the point where i was ill all the time.
She didn't care! I punched her in the face, she didn't care! well only about the black eye i gave her, told her she was selfish and i hated her, she cried but did nothing about it. She is the only one who can help her. All you can do is be there for her when she does
- —Guest Sophie
- I been dating a guy for about 6 months & its been the worse time of my life..I really don't know what to do anymore..when he drinks ,he picks with me & my kids..he say all negative things..from my head to my toes,he finds nothing rite ..until maybe he gets sober,& wants sex...& then back to drinking the next day...
- —Guest Prettyblacklove133
Don't believe the promises
- I been with my boyfriend almost one year, and for the first month on the weekends he drank. I told him whence met drinking is bad for him. He told me than he will stop but he did not stop until we became a couple. He stop 3 weeks after. Things were good for 3 months and he snuck out to the LQ-store when i went to the pharmacy thinking he was sleep. When i came back (which was 20 min) he was standing in the kitchen telling me how much he love me chewing gum and would not get close kept going to bathroom. I asked was he drinking and he said yes. He kept going from there i guess he knows i care for him. So i went just walk away. It's very ugly when he is drunk. I always wanted a man that's always on point not knocked out from alcohol. He looks very stupid and not manly at all. I believe a real man is never going to put him and his woman on a spot where they both can be takin advantage of. SO LAME BEING AROUND A DRUNK IN PUBLIC OR NOT. A MAN suppose to always show his manhood .
- —Guest naya
- Get yourselves to alanon it saved me when I was living with an alcoholic, look after yourself, only the alcoholic can stop, you can't stop them all you can do is change your attitude, we have a saying changed attitudes can aid recovery, in alanon you learn how to deal with the alcoholic if they are drinking or not
- —Guest Diane
Struggling with my mom
- I have tried my hardest with my mom and all she keeps doing is throwing it back in my face, im struggling with my GCSES at school.. Not speaking to her kills me! She gets abused and hurt all the time by people that are after her.. i just really want her to get help! Everythink is just affecting me atm, sisters been taking away, brother being adopted:/ hate it.
- —Guest Lauren
Sick and Tired
- Hi I've been dating a 45 year old for a while and I am 24, when I first met him he did spend a lot of time at the pub but never seemed to drink that much, as things got harder at his work, he was getting drunker, flirting with other women in front of me, sleeping with other women, insulting people, getting barred from pubs, things got better for a bit and he moved in to my house, he drinks about 3 bottles of wine a night, I hardly get a look in, he usually passes out very early evening and just snores, if i bring it up he says I am trying to control him, and then calls me names, etc etc, says he does not care if he dies. So i kicked him out tonight, finally just hope I can stay strong and keep away, I love him but I am sick. Feels so good to get that out!
- —Guest sadgirl12
I have a bachelors degree but i'm dumb.
- Ive been with my boyfriend for 4 years and he has always drank. He is amazing and loving when sober but he drinks anytime he can. He just got the Breathalyzer off his car and he is laying on the bathroom floor, passed out. I try asking him, what he feels when he has a craving, he tells me to shut up, and if i keep asking he said he will binge himself to death. His mom told him to slow down and he drank a fifth of vodka, to show her? Everyday i come home from work i wonder if he'll be normal or a drunk. Its usually drunk. i hate my life, nothing works and i can't tell anyone.
- —Guest WhatAmIdoingwrong
- When I met my husband,he drank. It got better from where we first met.Then it got worse.On top of that he is using marijuana. He always says he doesn't have a problem. He can stop whenever he want. Last year he was stopped by the police while drinking(9 in the morning). After that he went to rehab. He works for my parents and they gave him an ultimatum. Go for rehab(which they paid for + giving him his months pay as well)or stop working. While in rehab he was a wonderful man, but the day he left he started drinking again. Everyone thinks he stopped drinking and during the week he is great, but I dread weekends. In the week he would have 1or 2 beers a night, but Friday after work he starts the weekend with downing a bottle of sherry and then beer, beer, beer. He gets verbally abusive, aggressive and threatens me with a divorce. He doesn't believe me when I tell him what he's like. He blames us for sending him away and denies he has a problem. He always afterwords. And I still love him. Stupid!
- —Guest Maryke
- Approach them and see if they think it is a problem:
If they do admit it is a problem, help them solve the problem and talk to them (should work all the time)
If they don't admit it: Immediately try to get out of that conversation somehow
Then find external help that can help this problem without intruding too much into the privacy of the drinker, make the drinker realize it is a problem and that the drinker needs to put a stop to it (this solution varies a lot)
- —Guest TrueBlue
I am so lost with my husband's drinking,
- My husband drinks a lot and I just don't know what to do anymore, He went into rehab for 30 days and the day he got out he started drinking and drank for 2 years he goes to classes to he was sober for 78 days and then he was back to drinking, I just don't know what way to turn I love him but I don't know what to do to help him any more.. he tells me what I want to hear and then he does it all over again... please help me find a way to dill with this...
- —Guest Sharon
I don't know what to do
- I have been dating a guy for a little over 6 years now. He was a drinker from the start. I don't know if I just refused to see it, or what but here lately it has gotten worse. When he drinks he picks on my kids. (We share a child together) He doesn't really pick at our child. And I just found out that he hides alcohol in his truck. he doesn't drink and drive. he takes a swig or two every night or so. Are these characteristics of an alcoholic?
- —Guest Alone
Wish I had answers...
- Hi everyone, my husband of 7 years is in denial of his alcohol abuse. I know he's drinking every single day & has been unable to keep steady employment. He hides his drinking. He's not a physically abusive person, but he does change when he drinks. I can instantly tell he's been drinking because his attitude changes and he's more on edge and not the kind hearted person he would be normally. Completely volatile. He obviously drinks and drives. He apparently sees no danger in that. He woke up this morning and actually asked me if I would mind him drinking AT 8AM! Of course I mind. Well, he slammed down 5 beers really quick and ended up where he is right now, in bed asleep. Meanwhile me & our daughter went to breakfast together. He's ruined our entire day. Heck, he ruins almost every day with his drinking or his desire to drink. I have done everything but leave. I stay an emotional wreck. I love him & don't want to leave someone b/c they have a problem. I'm so lost. Seeking answers.
- —Guest EastTNGirl
- My husband has always been a drinker. His mother told him that alcoholics start drinking as soon as they wake up, so he thinks that if he starts drinking in the afternoon he can't possible be an alcoholic. He started getting gout some years back and was told that the uric acid in his blood builds up and causes this. It is simple to see that he is allergic to the acid in the wine. His body has become so deformed that he cannot walk for two minutes without his feet and knees paining. He used to be a head taller than me but is now a head shorter. His feet had very large insteps but has rounded out like a babies and his toes, except the second one, has shrunk into his feet making them two shoe sizes smaller. He starts his abusive talk as soon as he starts drinking. I have tried ignoring him. I have also tried reasoning with him and tried to make him see that he should stop drinking but then he really becomes mad at me and seems to actually hate me for saying anything bad about it.
- —Guest Sad Sands
No Wonder I Grew up in Foster Care
- My father has struggled with D&A issues his whole life. 16 days ago, my 15 month old niece and her mom moved in with me. She just gave birth to my baby niece 14 days ago. My brother has alcohol issues too. Today, he convinced me my nieces' mother stole from him. I told him I would replace the money. He says just buy him Bacardi O. He didn't have enough money of his own, so lied. After being in the state hospital for 6 months, then moving in with me, bc he was suicidal over losing his CDL for a DUI, the first thing he does is goes to the to buy alcohol. I yelled at him like WTF, did you learn nothing? So after numerous arguments I stopped confronting him and more or less just accepted it. Until this tale his spun today, then punched my dog because HE fell on my 30lb dog drunk and my dog bit him. Every time I bring it up, he makes a joke out of his drinking. He just finished his D&A, and safe driving classes required for the ARD program. I'm so angry, I just don't know what to do. =((
- —Guest B
- ....till he gets help. I finally came out of denial and want to make my childrens life as happy as I can and if that means leaving him then I will have to. As sad as it makes me I have 2 very beautiful children to put before myself and learning from an alcoholic dad is not going to do them any good. It tears me up inside that we have the porential to be a happy family but alcohol is ruining it. I HATE it. We were planning our whole life together. And its up to him to change. And I dont know if he will :, (
- —Guest daryan