Exercising my right to choose
- I drank since my early teens. The game was the more alcohol you could consume without vomiting or losing control , the more of a man you were. So we trained ourselves early on to drink heavily. Which carried into my 20s right to the bar. A few years of messed up relationships with bar women and bar friends with ties to all kinds of messed up stuff. I wound up a junkie. Bouncing around place to place in and out of rehab and finally living with mom and dad drinking and when I had the chance, drugging. Whatever drugs were there I didn't care. One night lying in my bed contemplating dying after a bottle of vodka and an 8 ball I thought to myself. "Is this really how I wanna go out? Found dead tomorrow morning because I was too much of a coward to deal with life head on?" Then it all seemed clear as day what was holding me back and what I had to do to fix things. The answer was simple. I had to make a life altering choice to stay clean or die young with no dignity whatsoever.
- —Guest "k"
Lost and alone
- I had just had enough I finally pushed my family to far and was thrown out 2 days before Thanksgiving, but it still took me another 2 months of sleeping on floors and couches before I was willing to admit I needed help. Ended up in a city I didn't want to be in with family not sure how happy they were to have me. wanted to die but didn't have the guts when my higher power brought these wonderful people into my life. they saved me from myself and helped me out of the bottle and into life. I had to lose everything I loved to be able to love myself again, now slowly it's coming back to bit by bit. the promises work if you work them, time really is the only thing that heals. I have a real life now with a job and friends who really love me, but more importantly I like me now. After 42 years I found the me I was always hiding from.
It was just time to stop for good
- The drinking quit being fun and social. I drank almost every day, alone. I wasn't working, living with my parents, lost my friends, my family was sick of me, I looked years older and shabby. I was living in sweats. I was bloated, sluggish, and unmotivated to even walk around the park. The last five-seven years have just been a blur of isolation, being an absent parent, too much tv and wasted time I'll never get back. Oh how I wish for a reset button. So how I quit was an old AA friend invited me to try it again. "How 'bout a meeting?" No thanks, I'd say. But the last time I was asked to go I realized I was wearing the same sweats, drinking the same beer, sitting in the same chair. I knew if I didn't quit and go back to a meeting I'd never get out of that state. I couldn't get motivated by myself. I needed support. That was six months ago. I quit drinking, and am going to meetings. My life is better. So full of remorse for throwing much of my life away. But I want to stay sober today.
- —Guest pnw
Drinking make me out of control
- I have a really lovely boyfriend, a good job, and nice place to live. About myself, I have some issue of my body. I just can't let go, therefore, after drinking, I cry so hard and fight so hard with my boyfriend in front of our friends. The other day, I don't really remember what I said and what I did. I feel so shame in front of our friends and my boyfriend. Drinking issue is going to ruining our relationship and my image in our friend's mind. I am going to quite drinking for a while until i know how to control it. Drinking just make people depressed more. All the happy from the drinking is not real. I believe without drinking, we can still have a lot fun and peace.
- —Guest Ashlee
Why I quit
- I quit. why, I asked myself. I loved the drinking experience. I could have given someone that asked why I quit a hundred reasons that made sense. why id I really quit? I didn't have to. Even though I had put myself in the hospital for 10 days with alcohol poisoning I quickly recovered and drank again. I see life experience happens for a reason. I also was being told it was time to see and experience life from another point of view. I am not going to feel sorry for myself for ANYTHING that happened to me and either should you. It is very simply what you do from today that matters. Also, to hell with what anyone else thinks about, Stop for you. If you want to do it for someone else, do it for yourself first so you can't blame them for any reason in the future. Make life an experience more interesting than when you were drinking.
- —Guest Tom
- There is hope from what some of you posted. There is hope...
- —Guest Natalia
- I relate to SO many of you. Fallen a off bar stool. Car crashes, yet no major legal issues. Headed towards divorce from a wonderful man who has hung in there with my alcoholism that started 7 out of 11 years together. Almost set apartment on fire due to black out while cooking. Kicked out of a nice bar carried out by a nice security guard who I pissed on. Bruises & pain everywhere. Fell head on first into home dry wall. Hit a pizza shop, drove away because unware of what I did. Check phones & texts daily to see what damage I may have caused but knew something happened when a cop showed up at my doorstep. Charged with damaged to a building. Blessed that the cops did not want to "ruin my life" with a DUI charge, this time. Being attractive and percieved as successful and what nice place gets you far, but GOD has been blessing me with a message that i have time to get it together. What has happened to cause me to get here!? What!? Wonderful & idyllic childhood. I am a drunk
- —Guest Natalia
I was tired and sad
- I felt like I was watching my life, as an outsider. I'd vow every day that it would be my last, and tomorrow I'd finally stop. But tomorrow never came. It was the same miserable scene, day after day. I was so tired all the time. My body full of aches and pains; I hated the routine, the hiding, planning and all the effort just to maintain my drinking. I hated myself for it. Yet I couldn't stop it. I still remember one moment, a day or so before I finally stopped, sitting in my car and just feeling so unbelievably sad. I had to go to jury duty the next week, and thought I'd better try to be sober for a few days since I had to be sure to be there on time early in the morning. It seems so silly that such a trivial thing was what brought the "tomorrow" I'd been hoping for. But I had 1 day, then 2, then 3, and so on. And I clung to each of those days thinking about how sad and worn out I had become - and hung on. So here I am greeting a new year, 233 days sober.
It was time
- I knew for years that I was an alcoholic, runs in the family. I'm almost 50 and have drank virtually everyday since 18. I have a good life 3 kids, a good job and a home. I've remained functional no legal issues no obvious health issues. However i was way less than I could have been: emotionally vacant, soulless and numb. i was slowly killing all that was good. It was time for me to own my dependence on alcohol, to set a better example for my kids, to be a better husband to a good wife who drinks too much in part because we are disconnected due to alcohol. i want to see my grandkids. I started reading about withdrawl on this site and couldn't stop. Today is three weeks and I'm looking at being healthy, happy and whole. Instead of digging an unending hole.
- Initially I quit for someone else. I stay sober today for me. The day I quit drinking I woke up feeling like I did most days. Hung over. I knew I would probably not be drinking that day due to my hang over (withdrawals). I hadn't heard from a close friend for several days. We usually talked every day. He called me about noon (that day), said he only had a minute to talk. 5 days before he had an alcohol induced seizure. After a 5 day detox stay in the hospital he was going to a 30 day recovery program. I hung up the phone missing him already and questioned my life. I asked my husband to move out a month ago due to his violent temper. He has dislocated my shoulder, put my head through a wall just to name a few. I would never press charges although cops were called several times, by me & neighbors. Violence, poor decisions, and guilt were a routine part of my life. I now choose to not drink. May you all continue your journey with Strength.
- —Guest harmony
Enough was Enough
- My whole life had fell apart I was an alcoholic for 15yrs with 3 children born into it, I used to be able to function to a degree but then it took my health but worse it took my mind! Insane and hopeless I got into rehab. I'm 13months sober now with the help of the 12 steps i like myself today!
- —Guest lisa
Hurting myself and others
- A very common response is you have to do it for you. I want other people to be part of my life so when I say to stop hurting the people I love it is for me. I came to get sober and what I got was a relationship with God. A faith that works
- —Guest marty
Some things mean more than the high
- I was married to somebody who was always a provider of the alcohol and drugs I decided why not. I did not touch anything for the first two years of our marriage. I became very lonely so I decided to join him rather than abstain. Worst decision of my life. I ran into dependence on drugs and alcohol in such a way that it altered completely who I was. Lying, cheating and stealing became the way. I had a young son at the time and knew that it was just a matter of time before somebody would come in and take him from us. Therefore, I wanted to stop with my husband. He chose his drugs, alcohol and friends and I chose to leave him. Looked to my Higher Power, Jesus Christ. I have been 21 years alcohol, drug free. The old me came back to. No more lies stealing or cheating. What a life worth living for now.
- —Guest koolaid
- I only drink once a week, but when I do it's so damaging. I constantly black out, act ridiculous, and don't know when to stop. I don't know what to do. I can drink socially, and just have one drink, but it seems like when there is an unlimited supply of alcohol (ie at home or a party) I just can't stop and I keep going and going and going, then I wake up the next morning and my husband has a disappointed look on his face. I work full time and am a full time student, I'm too busy for hangovers and the constant vomiting that comes along with it. I don't know what to do, I feel so embarrassed. I want to be a normal drinker, who can have a glass of wine at a dinner party without having 10. What is wrong with me?
- —Guest Lost
I want my body back.
- I don’t like the way I look or feel. I know if I just quit drinking wine every night I could lose these 40 pounds I hate so much. I know that sounds like a pretty shallow reason to give up my bottle plus a night. But it’s where I am at. I’ll look for deeper reasons on my road to recovery.
- —Guest Penny