No more guilt
- I decided to stop today. (I've done this over a dozen times in the past) For some reason today seems different though, I mean it 100% this time. I realized that nothing good ever comes out of my drinking. I have been drinking since I was 15 and am now 28. Every single weekend and a couple weeknights have been fueled by alcohol for 13 years. I don't want to be on here when I am 50 saying I wish I stopped back then. So many embarrassing things have happened - too many times to count. I woke up and realized in my passed out state of mind I could not bring myself to actually walk to a toilet to pee. Have woken up in the middle of the night being practically raped. Driven drunk way too many times to where my time should be up. My poor liver. Too many blackouts to count. This is a sick life, and the guilt is tearing me up. I've never called in sick from actually being sick, only hangovers. I am thankful to still have a job. Ready to deal with social anxiety another way.
- —Guest dunzo
I had to quit
- I was so blind on what I had in life - a good wife and a good marriage and I all but destroyed it because of drinking. I am on day 4 sober and just taking it day to day. When I wake and stay away from that first drink my marriage is on the rocks because of this disease. I pray to God to just give the strength every day.
I quit drinking
- I quit drinking because it almost cost me my life.
- Last Thanksgiving, my main goal was to have enough hours to get drunk yet enough hours to sleep it off. My main goal was getting drunk enough to sleep soundly (pass out) yet be able to get up and go to work the next day. Waking up and having the strength of Superman to get going to work, praying I don't smell. Sober 256 days by the Grace of God. My main goal today is to get some of the family to accompany me and the dog for our daily walk. That's right. I am able to enjoy nature and see the joy in other people's eyes instead of thinking of checking out. I don't have the over-whelming anxiety of "must have a drink..must have a drink" that I did for so long My hopes when quitting was that the time would come when I would not need that drink (really they came in plurals, rarely singular). The time has come. Hang in there friends, the anxiety does diminish. The joy returns for simple non-destructive pleasures. Thankful for all of you and BuddyT more than you can know.
- —Guest fish
I have lost almost everything
- Hello, I can't believe that I can still be in denial when I have lost so much! Drinking has taken me over! It is a very selfish companion and does not allow room for much else. I have Lost 3 friends in the last year to this horrible disease my mother too. It is amazing that I think I can still do it and have a different outcome. It seems like I cannot think of anything else except to work for drinking. I have isolated myself so much that I live in an old camper in a RV park and the only time I try to let anybody in is to invite them to my world most my friends stay away. My 2 sons come every other weekend and they are my joy! But the guilt and worry about the divorce and the role model I have become breaks my heart and I feel helpless to stop this drinking! I make attempts to quit and have for weeks, but the stress of my past choices catch up and I can't handle it! Drinking makes me forget what I have lost. I feel like I am losing it. I commit to quitting today, let it go! God help m
Couldn't imagine not drinking
- I quit drinking because I couldn't imagine not drinking.
- —Guest fish
Clear, sober 35 years
- No. I didn't have an easy time of it. I drank to womanize, I womanized to drink but when I saw the girl I wanted to marry. I had to prove that I wanted her more than alcohol or the other. In '71 I decided to 'cross my rubicon'. In Nov '73 we got married and here we are today. I'm 77 and she's 60 all I can contribute to this forum is find that which you want the most then fight for it. I said goodbye to my group and hung up my guitar. I often wonder where I would be today had I continued the way I was.
Heading in the right direction
- Alcohol for the most part can do you in. I've been there in way too many aspects, and that's coming from a working professional. Many others I associate with do the dinner party thing every night of the week, meet at 6-stay until 9, drink too much pricey wine, liquor, etc, go home, and do it all over again the next day! It's too easy to fall into the trap, as I found myself doing, so I decided to stop drinking during the week, and limit myself to a beer or two on the weekends. I'm married to a wonderful man and we hope to have children sometime in the near future. So, this is what is ultimately best for us. Sometimes, especially if there is no history of alcohol abuse in your family, you just have to suck it up and be an adult about it all -- it's not about what's easiest, but what's best.
- —Guest Jillian
I see Alcoholics
- Sober 6 months and 24 days. It's nice not to have empty beer cans hiding around my room anymore. The best is waking up seeing a clear complexion in the mirror. I don't have to take any medicine at all, no Immodium, no Tylenol, no sinus pills, none. The only thing I take is vitamins B, multi and fiber. I avoid people drinking because I worry they have a problem. The top-rated shows on tv laugh at alcoholics, it's disturbing to me. Everywhere I look I see alcoholics and I don't see the humor in their drunken antics. The top-rated sitcom revolves around a man drinking in front of a teenager and promoting casual sex. The Actor in real life is in rehab. Is this funny?Thanking God for sobriety and worrying about others. I am going to find a way to help people just as this site has helped me.
- —Guest fish
Look like my mother
- It's hard to look in the mirror and see someone who made your life so bad due to addictive behavior. I literally look like my mother. Same features. Now when I look in the mirror I see a fresh, sober version. No dark circles, no puffy face, no bloodshot eyes. The picture is different now and I like it.
- —Guest fish
Why I Can't Drink
- I can't drink because it always leads to trouble. The dangerous blackouts, the increasing isolation from everyone and the realization that life is passing me by while I drink. I too have social anxiety and used alcohol to overcome that, but lately all I really wanted to do was drink alone. I quit on 8/16/10 and it has been a challenge, but also a time of self discovery, both good and bad. It's almost like my personal growth had stopped a long while ago and it has finally started again. I know I do not want to go backward so I will continue to try and not drink, one day at a time.
- —Guest Tony
- I went on vacation with some friends and realized that I really drank a lot every night. I was even trying to not drink as much as when I'm at home because the amount of empty beer cans the next morning was embarassing to me. Then I knew I had a real problem, because all I could think of was when I'd be able to go home and drink as much as I want without anybody noticing or judging me. I thought everyone drank a lot! It was time for me to stop the denial. So 3 weeks ago I quit. I felt very sad and sorry that I had been such a poor example for my kids, who would see me every night downing one beer after another until I fell asleep. I got through the withdrawal, and wow, now I realize what the alcohol was doing to me. I used to be so tired and miserable in the morning, sleep in really late on my days off, and when I was working, could barely drag myself out of bed. Now I feel wide awake in the morning and have so much energy, and actually have so much extra time on my hands.
- I just got tired of it all and knew it was time to seek help.
- —Guest scchick
Thinking about it too much
- I found myself drinking wine every night. Could not wait until 5. Then sometimes when I was stressed I would think 4 is okay, I hid my drinking from my husband and would secretly refill my glass when I was cooking. I didn't want to do anything where I could not have a drink and just started to think about it way too much. I did feel irritable a lot and realized it was from drinking once I stopped. I am able to have a glass of wine now when I go out with my husband, but I no longer keep any alcohol at home. I lost 15 ponds in two months and feel so much better. It is nice to feel free to do anything without alcohol. Overall I quit because of my little 3 year old. I didn't want to raise him seeing me drink every night. His chances of doing the same could be so much higher. I want more for him.
- —Guest Martha
- I tried everything.. AA, NA, IOP, individual counseling, read books, prayed, cried to God, took Naltrexone, More AA, More IOP, got benzos to detox, couldn't stop them, couldn't stop drinkiing, couldn't stand to keep drinking. Even stopped smoking but could not stop drinking! Caused so much self harm, so much chaos, so much pain I caused myself, my kids, all my family and my dearest friends. For what? Alcohol is poison to me. Thank God, a little over a year ago I signed myself into a detox for 5 days. I'm alcohol free still. I hope to God I never forget how miserable those last days, weeks and months were.. miserable. I hope I never forget the pain, the self loathing, humiliation, disgust, distrust and hatred I had for me. I've done irreparable harm, time for amends, make it right.. hopefully show my kids their dad's more than a drunk and hopefully keep them from the pain I know far too well.
- —Guest DougD