Felt like my liver was shutting down.
- I've had problems with drinking since my earlier twenties. Despite problems with relationships, finances, and mental health, I continued to drink at least 3-4 times a week. It was usually at least 12 beers, and more often the not more like 20. I became a shut in. Even though all this was happening I couldn't stop. It was a crutch. I realized I had to quit after a 4 day bender that resulting in my liver hurting and endless throwing up pure acid. That scared me enough to really give it a shot. I'm 29 and not ready to die.
- I have been a heavy binge drinker for years the last few times I have consumed large amounts of alcohol mixing beer and spirits which is nothing unusual for me. Because my inhibitions have been lowered I will push people out of the way at a bar when I need to get through I think it's funny when they don't. I then start getting aggressive the more I consume I tried to start a fight with a friend of a good friend of mine. It is only the last two times that I have been drunk that this has happened but I can see where this is going I also drive and I'm so drunk I can barely stay conscious. The next morning I will have no recollection of having driven home. So this is why I'm quitting I will try for 30 days first and then take it from there. I don't really care what other people think about my behavior that's not the issue its the complete lose of control that is frightening I could quite easily kill myself or someone else anyway.Peace.
- —Guest pm
My last day of self will and control
- First of all my first addiction was to acceptance, doing anything for anyone, because I needed to feel needed. By focusing on others problems I never had to deal with mine. After ending a 14-year emotionally and sometimes physically, and sexually abusive relationship. I found myself alone with 2 children and unsure of the ability to conquer life on my own. After that relationship ended I learned that the man I was with had been sexually abusing my oldest daughter - with tremendous feelings of quilt, shame and extremely low self-esteem I found my relief in a bottle. It was extremely effective, numbing me to my feelings. It was a progressive addiction that did not take long to become a problem. My oldest daughter was having issues and mom was at the bar unable to see everything around her falling apart. It took the attempted suicide of my daughter to see clearly. I was the issue here. I have been sober since Jan 5,2009 and am involved in AA and NA. The promises do come true.
- —Guest julianne
Why I decided to quit drinking.
- First loss of job, not showing up for days, then coming in hungover will do it. Second. No self esteem, low self esteem, people pleasing. Getting in trouble, became a social outcast, Alcohol and Pills my only 'friends' Third, blackouts, temporary amnesia, scary, 'come to' far away from home in strange place with even stranger people, so finally got a DUI, night in jail, probation, classes went to 12 Step Meetings on my own, this was 1976, yep relapsed a couple times, sober today 15 years no desire to drink again. In fact no longer have a drinking problem, only have a thinking problem. Stinking thinking can leas me to resentments and resentments may drive me to drink. Having a problem with Alcohol, Prescription and or illegal drugs or both? find support, on and off line, you're not alone..not by a long 'shot'!
I didn't want to die
- I quit drinking because I was sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. I thought to myself 'some folks feel like this because they are sick with cancer or some other disease, and here I am self-inflicting this pain and suffering'. It was time to stop. I don't want to follow in my father's footsteps and that's what I was doing. I've spent years drinking, blacking out, hungover, feeling remorse, shame and embarrassment. I want to be healthy, alive and happy. I want to live a sober life, so I've quit drinking. It's not easy and I've slipped too many times to count, but I won't give up. I only have one chance at this life, so I'm going to make it a good one. I want to be a healthy, happy mother for my children. I want to live a long life for them and model healthy behaviour. I chose life over death.
- I'm almost 60 and can't remember a day that I have not had at least two glasses - and sometimes much more - of wine since I was 21. As a child of an alcoholic father, I've had to be perfect and in control of everything I've ever done - job, hobbies, relationships - except myself. As I've grown older, I noticed that it takes less and less alcohol to have an effect, and what used to just make me feel no pain now makes me unable to remember the night before. I got scared and want control of my life, too. 10 days clean. And to all who are struggling with quitting, just know there are many of us out here rooting for you!
- —Guest mj
I found myself in trouble
- I have been drinking for years and managed to live up to my duties but now I feel I am losing and at have lost it. I have discovered that it does help me to cope. It only makes me forget or self-medicate. I also feel it is affecting important relationships. I feel like I am at the brink and I don't want to go over. Reading these notes today his given me the desire to quit. I don't believe one can ease off, it has to be total. My greatest fear is doing it, since I work in a drinking environment. However I feel sure it can be done. I just hope I can do it.
- —Guest GUEST R
I had no choices,, now I do
- My name is Don and I am a friend of Bill. Found the fellowship a while ago and now coming up to six years sober in June. I have learned so much about how to live one day at a time, life has become very busy and fulfilling. Busy means life is full of the usual ups and downs we have sober, "life on life’s terms" and very real. I live in London England and used to travel a lot with the job which kept me very much in the problem of life, drinking and striving to appear right to the rest of the world. A lot of fear back then, putting on a brave face and ego, in denial and drowning in a pit of misunderstanding life. Nowadays, I have more faith, courage and confidence sober, doing what is right one day at a time. Three elements of living have become obvious in recovery, how to love, how to be loved and have something useful to do. The poem Desiderata sums up living and the serenity prayer helps me know the wisdom of living in the day. Being sober,
I'm quitting today
- I should have done it a long time ago but kept on postponing. Today is the the day. I cant live like this .Right now I'm going to SANCA offices for help. I'm HIV positive and it's really not the reason for my drinking. I'm doing well and I don't know why I should do it. I love my daughter and my life so i have to stop.
- —Guest duduzile
Smelled like alcohol all the time
- My husband & I married for 35 years. We had become alcohol abusers. We can't just taper off. So it is all or nothing.There are also medical issues. We have been alcohol free for 6 weeks. Our children say they can see a big difference in us. My daughter said she had not wanted to tell us but we smelled like alcohol all the time. Now we don't. It's not been easy. We have been each other's enabler. We are not going to any meetings. We are just trying to do this alone. We have the support of 4 children. They tell us how proud of us they are. I hope we can do this for good. Yes, I won't say we don't miss it. It had become a very big part of our daily life.
- —Guest willie & candice walsworth
- I have been an addict for over 10 yrs. At first alcohol, then cocaine, and of coarse back to alcohol, as the two addictions seem to feed off of each other. My relasionship is in deep trouble due to my addiction, and I have angry outbursts, and rages that make me say and do stupid things that hurt him. I had been good for almost two weeks since I had a drink, and I had promised myself I would not get drunk and he asked me to dinner, and ordered a couple of drinks with dinner, and before I knew it, I was drunk, and we were at home fighting, and he telling me I'm an alcoholic, and doesn't want to be with me. I am so dissappointed in myself for not having enough control to not drink, in a social way. It is destroying my marriage with someone, I love very much. I guess today is a new day, and I have to try harder, and try again. I hope it all works out for me, and him.
To help my family, health and ego....
- I'm 44 and have been drinking since I was 17. I don't think I've gone longer than 2-3 days without at least a 6-12+ pack of beer per day, plus the occasional whiskey, that was always the minimum. It's been 3 days and I feel kinda o.k., but I'm just worried about the bad symptoms. But, I'm willing to try and ride it out and see what my mind and body will do. I'm also not a whiner, so this is really hard to express myself like this. Anyway, thanks for letting me post this and stay strong all you people out there. Thanks
- I am giving up. I am losing everthing i have. I really don't know know why. That's not true I do know why? I have a great kid and a great guy who has put up with me for 12 years, I love him and my daughter with all my heart, but I can't seem to think in my mind that my drinking is the problem.
- —Guest sheena
The Heartache and Pain
- I have been sober since July 24, 2009. I had lost job, money, driver's license and was at rock bottom. I was tired of shaking, feeling ill, needing that first drink in the morning to keep me going. Now 180+ days still sober not even wanting to take a drink. Life is better. Just having to take one day at a time and rebuild my life.
Why did I quit drinking
- I found myself in a place where I had become an empty, hollow person. With two kids, three failed relationships. I had a lot of opportunities bit wasted them all, my family divorced itself from me, my kids hated me and my brother (who was in the program of AA) couldn't even talk to me any more. I wanted to die, instead, I went to rehab on Sept. 15, 1992, and have been sober ever since, by the grace of God, and only by His grace.
- —Guest Martii Hofmann`