- If you "know" it won't work you've prepared, excused and accepted your next assault - as u prepare for rehab. Forgive me for being so blunt: you're so ill you really don't "know" anything, like me. Time to be honest, you read about those that tried, relapsed, and kept going until it stuck. You'll be a lot better equipped for the forthcoming days if you admit you DON'T know, like me. ALL I know is I hated that dark place and I'm not in it today. Pure relief. Defeating yourself in advance is the ultimate set up (so you can be right and continue on, see? I knew it wouldn't work). Time to hunker down and face the soda water. You do not deserve to die. No one here does. You deserve to live better, with peace comfort and ease. Tell that to your head talker and mean it. You deserve to make up for those lost years and make it right. Sorry for the head butt T, please know you can find the way and recover. Halo, you sound like a whole new you. You're getting better, helping others. Grand!!!
- —Guest B52
- I am about 6 hours sober. No physical symptoms. Only self hatred and remorse. Wondering if I can really quit this time.
- —Guest Ddenton
Young and ready to stop drinking
- IM 29 AND I BEEN DRINKNG SINCE I WANT TO SAY 19. I FIRST EXPERIENCE MY WITDRAWALS A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO AND THEY SCARED ME. THO MY LIFE WAS OVER SO I WENT TO THE DOCTOR AND THE ME A I.V AND SENT ME HOME WITH 25MG OF BENZODIAZEPINES. AFTER 14DAYS I START FEELING GREAT BUT THEN I WAS BACK AT DRINKING AGAIN AND BACK TO THE DOCTOR I WENT. I BEEN DOING THIS FOR ABOUT TWO YEARS NOW BUT THIS LAST TIME I JUST HAD WITHDRAWALS THAT TO THE POINT THAT IT FEELS LIKE IM LOSING MY MIND AND TO THE POINT I FEEL LIKE HURTING MY SELF OR THINKING IM GOING TO HURT MY SELF. SO I WENT TO THE DOCTOR AND THE SAME THING THIS IS DAY 1 FOR AS I TAKE THE MEDS AND I WANT THIS TO BE THE LAST TIME I DO THIS I JUST WANT MY LIFE BACK TO HOW IT WAS CLEAR MIND HAPPY HEALTY FEELING THAT LIFE IS REAL. EAT GREAT AND SLEEP GOOD AND TO PLAY WITH MY DAUGHTERS WITH OUT FEELING LOST OR CONFUSED IM KNOW IM READY THIS TIME I JUST WANT STRONG PEOPLE TO HELP ME AND TO LET ME KNOW I CAN BEAT THIS.
- —Guest Earnell
- You say " I have ruined my life and deserve to die. Forgive me, please." Turn that around, who are you to say you do not deserve to have a better life. Alcohol and your guilt and shame is the blame. We all have good in us, we all deserve a chance to be happy. Recovery is not a punishment, it is a new beginning. Don't set yourself up with false expectations. It is possible to quit drinking and be happy and it does take hard work. The detox is the easy part. Finding out why you feel your life has no value will change your thinking. I have compassion for you but no pity. I have my own story of why I drank and it boiled down to me not wanting to grow up and move forward because I thought It was to hard with out booze. My truth is being sober was just the tip of the ice burg. It was my fear of letting go of my crutch and I would still be worthless. Not so. Open up to the fact that you can find sobriety, work with it don't fight it, you will loose. Believe this fight is over. Be free!
- You don't need to say your sorry to me! I am the sames as you are. I have walked a mile in your shoes. Romancing the bottle is hard not to do. It has been our courage, our social life even our best friend. Lot of memories for me and not all bad at that. I knew the romance was over when I was not me any longer. Looking in the mirror I saw a monster who didn't care about crap but where my next buzz was coming from. I got tired of feeling like crap, not remembering the lies that I told or what I did or said the day before. I woke up to the fact that I was hurting people I loved and not only myself. For me real romance is having feelings again. Having a good time without being blasted out of my mind and waking up with out pain and regrets is pretty darn romantic. Change your life around, get fix, eat well, learn about your emotions and then you will find romance. You will love you again Hugs Clue
I'm so grateful
- Halo: WOW! Keep that sober minded first. Yes, it's ok to send people away until you equalize. Let me assure early dayers the horror you find yourself in is normal. I'm almost at 70 days. Same llife, same problems but sober, I'm developing better head talk. Draw the curtain on the past for now. Just deal with each moment. And don't have that first one. If anyone thinks they can have one, you are kidding and setting yourself up for another run. Avoidance works for me, not letting the head talk me into relapse. There is no controlled drinking for any alcoholic. Period. Any questions? Get a new schedule in place - even if it's just sleep or reading these posts. Replace that booze time with anything else as you learn how to live again. We're all shaky, tremulously looking into each new day. Hang tough, Do what you have to. Whatever you have to. Strength through surrender an gratitude for each moment I make my positive choice - not today. I don;t want to go back. This is better, way better.
- —Guest B52
Kris....it will get better
- Kris please dont give up on yourself, the fact that you posted means you bought a ticket to get out of this hell look back on all the stories in this site and you'll see geniune people getting better by the second.There is no doubt your in groundhog day at this time but there is a day two and the rest of your life.this is just a crappy chemical rushing tbrough your bloodstream every minute that passes without drinking it will leave.im a little bit scared of giving advice, im not qualified other than the fact that im going through the same thing.there are so many people, good people that will help you now if you stay in touch......come on kris get out of this do your best, get help, do what ever needs to be done . You are in hell but you can get out. Take care halo.
- —Guest halo
- Thanks a million for all the advice and support from everyone on this site.im coming back to life now and I know this because im getting that stupid romantic view of alcohol again, the oak bar, fun with the locals, the stunning girl you might meet.......just booze trying to win me back into its barbed wire arms.im bored but good.i wont forget how badly drinking hurt me the last time ,mentally and physically...sorry igotaclue, its important to choose my words carefully when posting ,because this is a powerful yet tender site.im gifted in knowing that I dont know everything and cursed in knowing that alcohol and myself are water and oil.we dont mix.not out of the woods yet .dont give up on me.thank you.
- —Guest halo
Always day 1
- Always day 1 can't sleep can't look at myself in the mirror the withdraws are harder each time my skin itches and my lips are dry I need to get through this I feel like in going to die
- —Guest Kris
To: Guest T
- Hi guest T and all. When I stop drinking last year, I got all from the withdrawals, they are nasty, it is easy to think going back to drink to stop the pain. The headaches and back pain were horrendous, I thought they would never go, they did. The tiredness and the lethargic feelings went on for a couple of months, they went. Insomnia disappeared after a couple of months, depression lasted about the same time, I was getting insane, happy, confident, suicidal, life was coming back, and in a couple of hours, I felt like death was the only answer to my life. I had the most horrible nightmares, it took weeks for my vision to go back to normal, and so many many things I have forgotten now. But, I stayed strong, I was eating well again, taking vits, exercising, learning about the illness, I went to AA, I was on this site everyday, I forced myself to do everything to get better and stronger. It worked. After a couple of months, I was back to life. It gets better with time. Don't doubt.
- —Guest Yvan
- Good to read that your hanging tough! As you can see there is no going over or under withdrawals. Heading straight in to it is the only way I could get through it. I just wanted to say that relapsing hundreds of times may not be the only way to find sobriety. I would say to anyone if they are questioning their drinking then stop. You will know soon enough if you have an addiction. Most know already because they have become an expert lair to others and themselves. There is no reason to get to the point where you hitting rock bottom leads to loosing everything including ones life. Each time one relapse's we take a risk of death how much can our bodies take? Alcoholism for most of us is a slow process of drinking for years and then BAM it has you, but if one is drinking a large amount it can also grab you quick. Stay strong and positive you can do this! take just one hour at a time. Hugs Clue
- I am now on day ten with out the demon drink feeling just ok.i am not sure who I am with out the demon on board but I kinda like who I am at the moment . Thank you so much to one and all for been here and stay strong cause the demon is always on our shoulder.
- —Guest Maureen Anne
To Guest T
- You have taken the first step by posting here. That shows there is a part of you sees a thread of hope. Hang on to that. The depression that comes when withdrawing from alcohol is horrendous and crippling. Your mind is going through a chemical imbalance that would send even the most sane person into despair. You deserve to live, and live the best life you can without booze. Alcoholism is a disease. It is like saying I deserve to die because I have diabetes. This disease afflicts many,. you are not alone. Seek professional help, and when you are feeling utterly hopeless tell yourself "This too shall pass". And it will. Withdrawal is only temporary, there are many that have survived it and won't have it any other way. Your body, both physically and mentally, will eventually regulate and you will look back sober and have no regrets. I have been to hell and back and am living a wonderful, sober life. You are worth this, and you deserve happiness. You can do this . Good luck
- —Guest Marilyn
- I had horrible headaches, it felt like an iron band around my forehead to the back of my head. It hurt so bad I thought about going to the hospital, maybe I should of but I toughed it out. I also was in a fog, heard voices was paranoid, saw things, heard music, couldn't sleep, panic attacks, throwing up, diarrhea and very very depressed. All that has made me not want to pick up a drink. I know I will be right back to where I started. No way is drinking worth going through that again. My body was poisoned no different than putting a gun to my head except that would be quicker.. I want to live, I want to love and be loved, I want to be happy. There are no second chances in death. Whats so bad about wanting to enjoy life instead of suffering through it? Ask for help there will be a hand waiting for you from someone who has been there. Hugs Clue
Over 60 days in, B52
- Thanks for your words B52,surrender is a great way to approach the situation,im on day 6 now and starting to feel strong....have thought about how I always seemingly thought I was controlling my days,preparing for drinking time...making sure I had enough for my daily situation,be it a working day or a day off day,ive concluded im a functioning alcoholic who has been very resourceful,tho not as much as I thought.My wife has been worried for a long time ,the more that she worried the more secretive I became.I can now see that the thing I was controlling was actually controlling me...and so in starting on the path to living without alcohol I have experienced that it cannot control me if I don't have it,in return I am beginning to sense a freedom and a dawning on me that I can have a life without getting blitzed everyday.Fruit tea and soda water and feeling good...its fantastic to have a clear head and better sleep...one day at a time.
- —Guest Batman777