- I've managed to go a single night so far without a drink. This is about my sixth attempt to give up. I was so exhausted that I slept; usually, I can't. I have few physical symptoms, so I should feel lucky. Instead I have the hell of looking back at all my past shameful actions, the ones I would like to blot out with alcohol. I found this site when experiencing a kind of inner panic, a spiral of self-laceration, and wanted to find out whether this might be a withdrawal symptom, or, more scarily, a feature of life without alcohol. Alcohol is not my only vice. I can't list them all, but I am in love with someone I shouldn't be in love with. A thousand times I have told myself never to communicate with her again, but, apart from abhorring the pain this might inflict on her, I cannot bear not to receive letters from her. She is life itself to me. I don't know if I can survive this without drink. Or, worse : am I longing to be destroyed erotically so that I can justify my drinking? Sorry
- I'm terrified I tried to buy some wiskey and I got the shakes so bad I had to walk out
- —Guest Hilary
Sober Story 2 Part deux
- Anyway, when I stopped drinking I realiized that I was just ignoring them so they'd go away and I could pour a glass of wine. So the next complaint I gave them the phone number of a guy I had gone to graduate school with. 50 miles away and very expensive. "We can't do that!" I was letting them take advantage of me. Because of the wine after the lessons (NEVER before or during). Not drinking, I look out for myself.
- —Guest catlover
Sober story 2
- I am a musician and have always taught private lessons on Saturday mornings I do a really good job and then have a glass of wine I got a new student about 4 years ago. Though healthy, fairly young, and very bright, they don't work My husband's daughter is exactly the same. If you shop at thrift stores. drive an old car and have a garden, you're set. My husband and I worked day and night and weekends, but who is smarter- we had to pay taxes and a mortgage. So I gave her a "scholarship" and all that they had to do was sweep the hay that I had dropped out to the horses. @ minutes tops. They swept 2 times in four years.If I reminded them, often they said that it was my fault because I had kept her overtime. I didn't care there was that glass of wine waiting. So they started complaining- dogs in the house, dogs chewing paper, dust on the piano.On and on. So when I stopped drinking I realized how out-of-line they were for free lesssons so at next compaint I gave them the name of a
- —Guest catlover
- This is one of my sober stories. I imagine most everyone here misses a glass of wine while cooking. It is very hard. I was playing the new Pavarotti CD in the kitchen while cooking and my husband LOVES it so he was hovering around me. Not helping, or choping, just getting in the way. So I had to ut the CD in a different part of the house so that he will go away to hear it. I play pop or rock to keep him out. I was going to go crazy or drink, but I made it through. Let us know how you are!
- —Guest catlover
Sober Again. 5 days this time.
- After about 7 years of heavy, heavy drinking, I am making yet another attempt at sobriety. Five days sober, I am very grateful for all of your stories about withdrawal. It is disturbing to know that this is what your body does without alcohol. I can’t imagine how much damage has really been done. I have been reading a lot of medical journals etc that don’t quite give you the accurate explanations that you all have. The only personal who can truly understand what you are going through is another survivor. I have had a great deal of trouble sleeping, awakened by anxiety, troubling thoughts and dreams. The night sweats are horrible. I have had to change my sheets daily and fighting to get the detoxing stench out of my room. I have been taking 2 showers daily and doesn’t seem to stop the odor. When does that end? I am tired despite how often I return to sleep and take vitamins. I am hoping to have my energy back soon so I can feel like I am reaping the benefits for sobriety.
- —Guest Anissa
- I'm so proud of you! Not drinking is the best step! We all have trouble coping with others and most of the others are looking at us and pronouncing us "gross" but who cares??? The nut jobs around us (i.e. Boston) may blow us up while we are pontificating about the best ways to live. If I had a choice, I come out west and sit with you on your ranch. xxx
- —Guest grannyann
- Wow. I'm guessing that you are a female as you are expressing remorse. You're preaching to the choir. I start/stop/start/(go through a period of self hate)/ then figure wtf and then start again.) Blowing "it" is part of the program. So what next? who knows? I love you too! There is an absolute math formula depression + alcohol + me.
- —Guest grannyann
To: papafun and lost
- The best part of being sober for me is the new excitement in every day things. I think I might enjoy cooking too! The past few weeks have been tough without my sweetie around. Working on 5 months and that darn voice of booze still pops up, seemingly, at all the most tempting times. The 12 pack of water in the fridge works like a charm. I march right in thee to grab a cold one and enjoy that ice cold water, POOF the voice is foiled again. We work so hard at our responsibilities we forget about our responsibility to yourself. When quitting booze that became my # 1 goal. What else could be more important. We owe it to ourselves to live in our reality and conquer its challenges sober. The rewards including self respect are well worth it. A big thanks to everyone posting here. You all keep me sober.
To Grannyann, Mary and Southerner
- Southerner-you sound just like me! Grannyan, i thought of you because i bought s new Pavarotti CD. Things are so different, when not drinking. My husband's daughter was visiting and stuck her leg ouy to trip me. My husband was right there, and saw, but didn't say a word to her. I was angry and hurt. Drinking, I would have just taken a bottle of wine back to my room and hidden. Sober, I decided to gather up all the evidence I have on her and go get a restraining order. Her dad can go visit her from now on. I take cae off hin, 15 animals, 5 building and I can't afford to get hurt. Luckily.i am atheltic and stsyed upright. Later, my husband said that " she's just as mean as her mother " but nothing tomake me feel better. No wine, and she can't hurt me anymore, butt i honestly still don't feel the commitment that I probably should.! Loveyou all!Sorrry about the typos- i lost my glasses AGAIN and can't see to correct anything
- —Guest caatlover
To: liftmeup, mary
- Thanks for your responses. after going through all the usual withdrawal symptom, that sounds like they were easy, worst ive had so far and felt like i was dying at the same time as going completely mad. i saw shadows in my room,heard police sirens,shouting and all sorts of crazy stuff.i am on day 35, only the tiredness no energy linger and hopefully these will get better as time passes. i am glad im where i am and not back in the living hell of drink,to those just starting out , youve made a wise choice drinking will never be a option for me and many like me, sounds naff but be strong for yourself if i can go this long anyone can , sounds harsh but i had to face me carrying on drinking and the pain or stop and who knows what will be,BUT its not drinking myself to death, who knows i might even enjoy life, i wasnt before, thanks for reading and i wish you all strength and happiness.
- —Guest jerrychef
- 5 days is an awesome achievement Brad, you are doing brilliantly. The alcohol has almost certainly left your body now, what you are fighting now is the mental addiction, the little voice that keeps telling you it's ok to have a drink, you can't be an alcoholic if you can go 5 days right, WRONG! This is probably harder than the physical addiction, download Addictions and Recovery.org, it has loads of useful information. You have taken a massive step forward, well done.
- —Guest Mary
To: Fighting 123
- Come on, you can do this. Dig deep, you are stronger than a bottle, are you really going to let it beat you. I know it's hard but just take one day at a time and get bloody minded. Imagine waking each day with no shame or regret only pride that you went another night booze free. What do you really get from it other than escape, then figure out what you're escaping from, usually feelings of worthlessness. You have to do this fighting, it's time to live up to your name and get determined. I know it's not easy but what's the alternative waiting for you, do you want your children afraid to invite friends over because their mum is drunk and acting stupid or even worse, passed out. You have time to change their perception of you, grab it with both hands and get your life back. You don't need drink, you never used to drink at all at one time, you were enough without it, be that person again, you CAN do it and we all want to help you but it has to come from inside you, you have to really want
- —Guest Mary
- Hi Lavonna and welcome. You know what you have to do, now it's time to get bloody minded and determined that you will quit drinking. If you need to, go back to your doctor and tell him that you need help. If you can go 11 weeks you can do it but, you also need to start figuring out why you 'need' to drink. What is it about you that isn't 'enough'. keep posting, it really will help.
- —Guest Mary
To; Papa funcaholic
- I know that symptom well enough, it's what always drove me back to drinking. Buy yourself some benadryl, it's a hay fever tablet and non-addictive but it has the same effect as sleeping tablets. You can buy it in any pharmacy. Insomnia is probably the longest lasting physical symptom of withdrawal but what you ave to remember is, when drinking you are not sleeping properly but passing out. You wake still tired because you have not had good quality sleep. Once you start sleeping without drinking you will feel amazing, you just have to force yourself to accept that each night takes you one closer to the night you will fall asleep, trust me, it's so worth it.
- —Guest Mary