That was May 4, 1985. I woke up hearing voices, something that I had sought treatment for from 1982 to 1984. The shrink gave me all manner of drugs, and eventually the voices stopped, but here they were again. What to do?
If I went back to the shrink I was afraid that I would be hospitalized. I was draining my finances and soon would not be able to pay my bills. My apartment looked like a disaster area, and I feared being evicted.
I had been out drinking the night before, actually looking for someone to talk to, and only found people who were teasing me and making fun of me. No friends, no family, no money, no apartment, and my drinking had made such an impact at work, I feared losing my job as well. What to do?
I turned to the only spiritual guidance I had ever known, the textbook of the Christian Science Church, "Science and Health" by Mary Baker Eddy, a religion that I despised then, and in fact still do. I read the Bible. I prayed.
A Message
I paced the floor in my apartment for several hours, not able to sit down and relax. As I paced amidst the piles of newspapers and the layers of cat fur on the carpet (my apartment had not been cleaned for four months, and I had three cats, so clumps of fur were accumulating on my socks), I kept noticing an unusual pamphlet sticking out from a stack of newspapers.I kept pacing, and now I estimate that it was about five hours of pacing back and forth. Finally I pulled the pamphlet out from the stack. It was titled "This is AA", a pamphlet I had picked up six months before during a search for an old girl friend in the rooms of AA. I read the pamphlet and said to myself "These people know what they're talking about, don't they?"
I called one of the major clubs in my area, and went to a meeting that night. But it was obvious to me that I had turned to God first, and then took Step 1. I knew that my life was insane and I knew there was a power greater than myself, but until that moment, I had always resented God for butting in where He wasn't wanted. Now I wanted Him, and sure enough, He led me to where I needed to be.
Sox
