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Readers Respond: What Have You Tried to Get Someone to Stop Drinking?

Responses: 327


Updated September 22, 2012

Alcoholic Dad

My Dad has been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember, it ran in his family and though he got help from various sources over the years, he continually lost faith in the outside world and deemed everyone useless, turning back to the drink every time. Recently he had a moment of clarity and quit for several weeks, but as this is the norm, I knew it would only be a matter of time before he started again. He began drinking again last fortnight, and though I warned him repeatedly that he would end up hooked again, he wouldn't listen to me or anyone else. Now he's become cold and distant with me, which worries me as he's attempted suicide in the past because of his depression via alcoholism, so when I don't hear from him I worry sick, but I also know to keep my distance whilst he's drinking because I'll get no thanks. All I have learned to do is pray. I can't force my father to stop drinking, and nobody can promise that he'll ever see the light himself. I just find it saddening.

Drunk mom

My mom has been getting drunk ever since i was a little girl. She kept loosing me to Dcfs and i just had to foster homes or placements and it was just horrible I dont even know who I am or who I was. I hate & love my mom but when she drinks she isnt herself and she just REALLY REALLY scares me . She always says she is going to kill herself and a couple times she tried. Well now I sit her with my dog in my room hoping she can sleep soon and wait for the sun to come up because for me thats when everything is better.
—Guest haylie

Tried to help

I have tried to help and it seems I was told to forget it. Well now he has been out of the house for 2 months . we have a son together. I see him when I take our son for a walk and he talks. But he wont return texts or a call. He said he needs to go on his own for now. I am letting him have his space and just hoping he wakes up because I love him and wish he was home and happy again like in the beginning.

I have got similar problem

My ex now supposedly when we first met gave up drinking. everything was great. Just recently he would start to sneak hard liquor and then fight with me. Now this time I guess you could say I had enough. He knows he lost everything but always puts the blame on me. I have asked him to get help and he told me he doesn't have a problem. I am just so confused. one day he talked to me on the phone and said he needs time on his own and we could work on getting back together. then the next day he was cold as ice to me. I don't understand him and this is the first man I could say I love with all my heart. I don't even want to move on. hoping one day he will wake up and realize what has gone wrong and fix it.

Enabling-tell me more

Your story sounds like mine! Can you please let me know how you are doing? everything I read says for me to act like nothing has happened...I'VE DONE THAT FOR YEARS! NOTHING CHANGES. we sleep apart for awhile...he stops drinking for awhile....THINGS ARE SO WONDERFUL....for awhile...and each time he goes back to the beer. Our son is ruined because of the fighting! Husband has had knock down hitting punching fighting with our son. i am trying to detach. last time...i said..."I don't care what you do. if you want to drink-drink. but you will do it without me. give me your answer so that I can get on with my own life." he quit again for a little while. I left on a girls vacation with mom and my sisters and the minute i left...he drank again. that was a month ago and he continues to drink. I am so tired of the idle threats. alanon for me this past week. will be going again. financially can't afford to leave..son still lives at home. what do i do?

I Quit Today

I have read about your pain these alcoholics cause. First let me say if your life is in danger, get the hell out NOW. Mentally we all think we can take it, but deep down we are depressed and anxious. It's NOT your fault they drink. Do not blame yourself. I went down that road with my husband for 23 years now. I was always drinking right up with him. I now realize it's not cute, it's not fun, it ruins your life. So today I have decided to quit drinking. For myself. I'm not sure what will happen, but I want the rest of my life to be lived without beating myself up the next day for acting stupid. Godspeed to you all.
—Guest Misery

Worried Of My Mom's And My Siblings

My father started drinking when I was just 2 years .. When I was small he used to beat my mom , screaming on my mom , abusing her. I was then small that's why I couldn't stop him, but now i'm 17 still he is there and there. He hadn't changed yet ! But Now i've grown younger so I can stop him from beating my mom, screaming on all persons and abusing anyone! But I can't find the way to make him to STOP DRINKING! My dad remains OK for 3-4 months after that when he starts his drinking he continues it for 15-20 days :/ It's Annoying! Can anyone just tell me the way to make him STOP DRINKING ? Please! I think we've lost everything , Money , House , Car . Everything but we don't have any great future because of my father's this bad habit! PLEASE HELP ME !
—Guest Priyanka

What is a father

My father use to drink and still does since I was a little kid and has gotten worse he drinks right after work I had to go pick him up a houre away from where we lived he drinks right after worke he starts arguing over the littles thing i have gotten so close to hitting him but I can't I don't know what is a father I hear my friend telling me his father is his hero but I don't know what a father is can u tell me what is a father..? Cuz I don't i never played catch he toke me to a baseball game ones that was when I was 6 and now am 21 I been abused like being hit and getting picked up by my ears and getting yelled at name calling being called a dog , useless person , and tell me that he wasted money on me that I can't pay him back am useless . Have. You ever thought dead was so simple ..? I have but I can't live to see my mom suffering by me. Doing this what can I do noting. Just to see if there a better day .... Is there or it's just a cloudy day for the rest of my days
—Guest Person

Getting in too deep

I have a husband who when we married 5 years ago, I noticed he had a drinking problem, 5 years now I like to drink beer and hang and relax but he gets demeaning and blames it on me. I stand up to this and he reminds me it's his house, his everything. I will quit drinking because he always puts it on me. He comes home and drinks up to a 18 pack in 6-hour period then tells me it was me that did it, I could have 6 beers on my night off. He drinks everyday. He blames me for him losing his house and why I have no running water and I pay for what I can. Why does this have to be so hard!
—Guest Just here

At least get your children in Al-anon

My step-father was a week-end drunk. Nice guy during the week. It left me with high anxiety and insecurity. I went to counseling and adult children of alcoholics and it helped. If you stay in the situation, at least get yourself and your children in al- anon. There was no physical abuse in my family. Don't let anyone abuse your kids. I do not drink at all and I do not date men who drink.
—Guest AdultChildofAlchoholic

Jekyll and Hyde.

He owns our home so when he gets drunk he threatens to kick me out and burn my property. In the morning he acts like nothing happened. If anything is said he is around the shop getting another couple of bottles of wine. He used to send me to get them I never buy any drink any more. It's difficult because neighbors and friends buy bottles of booze unaware that even cooking sherry will be guzzled on one of his binges. I wish I could kick the drunk out and stay with the sober guy but it's getting to the point where I may have to make myself homeless just to keep my sanity. What makes a sober person take that first sip if they know what they will turn into? I wish I were not able to get well again and get a job just so I had a bit of financial security.
—Guest Anon

Weekend Drinker

My husband has been drinking as long as I have know him for 16 years. He has had 3 DUIs and has lost his license twice. He has been to a treatment center twice. He use to go to A.A. regularly. One would think he would stop permentaly, but he doesn't. Now he drinks only on the weekends from Friday night to Sunday. We don't do anything fun together because he' s drunk all weekend. I am very unhappy and don't even look forward to the weekends anymore. I just detach a don't say anything anymore. This is not a healthy marriage and I am very. What helps me is to read One Day At Time in Al-Anon and The Language of Letting Go books and pray daily. I can only help myself right now and hope and pray he turns his life over a d stops drinking.
—Guest Unhappy wife

Drunk Dad

All my dad cares about is his drink. Comes home from work, opens a can of beer. On his day off, opens a can of beer before noon. On a good day he'll drink around 4 cans. My mum has tried everything to get him to stop but he hasnt. He always goes out to who knows where straight after my mum leaves for work in the morning when hes off or on a late shift. When he doesnt drink hes a nice guy and was a great father, however his constant drinking has now lowered my opinion of him where I now cant stand to be around him. When hes drunk he always argues, especially with my mum. He never takes responsibility over the bills which leaves more pressure on my mum. He had made it so hard for me to study for my exams due to his constant shouting and always having arguments. I now think of him as a useless man but I still have hope that he will one day stop. It upsets me to think that my mum has put up with this for 20 years - she deserves better. She told me it was much worse when we were younger.
—Guest Guest

He will never quit!

I have tried things I have read on how to get my husband to quit. Nothing has worked. he has gotten worse this year, he drinks 2bottles Vodka in about an hour, then passes out on floor, back porch, or in middle foyer with door open, I read to be supportive didn't work, tried telling him I would divorce him didn't work, told him really needed rehab no that didn't work . he is know mean, abusive sober or drunk, he blames me for everything wrong and why he drinks, I am tired , our kids hate him. I want to leave him when our lease is up in October, I can't live like this anymore, we walk on eggshells every day he is here.
—Guest k

Sad daughter

Every now and then my dad doesn't come home at night, he goes drink but he doesn't even warn us... He has hepatitis C because when he was young he used to do drugs, so we get really scared because it's very risky to drink anything with that illness.... And he does. Plus, i believe he cheats on my mom (he has actually told me and my sister that, one time when he was drunk).... Besides that, he's a very abusive person, both mentally and physically towards all three of us girls... Though, he doesn't hit my mom anymore because she started hitting him back real hard... And i'm so troubled and full of hatred... But when he's ok, he's the best dad in the world, i love him to death... It's very confusing. He didn't come home tonight, i'm sick of hearing my mother cry, but then again, i'm so confused that i actually partially blame her, for not ever protecting us, children, when he hits us nor standing up to him (like divorcing him, instead of beating him too). I hate this, but i love them
—Guest Bibs

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What Have You Tried to Get Someone to Stop Drinking?

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