Confused & Distrubed
- Its been 20 Years ever since I am drinking. But for the past 1 Year my life has been a misery. My heath is very worst now, I developed belly stomach. I lost my job and my family is very much worried of my situation. I lost my good friends, they ignore me now. For a weeks time I wont'd drink. Suddenly one fine day I start it and for five days I continuously drink (raw whiskey) blackouts and the withdrawal symptoms start. I feel burning sensation in my chest, mouth and stomach. I could not eat, anything for three days, night mares, bad dreams, no sleep, vomiting its really hell of experience. Again after a weeks time I start drinking. I am not able to understand what to do with my condition.
- —Guest John
What the heck
- I just stumbled on this. I'd like to say its been day 1 or 2...ect. But it's been about 8 hours. I wonder when I got here sometimes. I cry a lot at night. What started out as weekly date nights with my husband, has turned into nightly date nights with vodka and coke. I have kids and I have watched the respect disappear in their faces for me. I can't sleep, my back hurts constantly, I suffer from depression and I feel like I am always walking through darkness. I'm so confused. what is happening? When did I get here? How much longer will this go on? I need some help. I feel invisible. I really want my life back.
- —Guest Scared confused
- I hope my last submission/reply to you went thru. I ended it by asking how long you had been sober. I have read all of your prior posts, as well as those of many others, and I get frustrated when I can't go back and easily retrieve one I recall from a specific person. So I asked BuddyT, the administrator of the site, why I couldn't search entries by person or date. It may interest you and others to know his response: the site was originally intended for "readers answers" to be 1-time submissions describing what their w/d symptoms were like, how long they lasted, etc., and not intended to be a forum where readers supported each other. But it took on a life of its own and seeing how it was helpful to many people, they didn't want to do anything to hinder that by limiting submissions to one per reader. Unfortunately, they can't do anything to go back and retroactively add threads and dates to the prior almost 10000 entries. Thks to them though we have this space to help each other
- —Guest Lost Self
- Wow our stories do sound similar. Thanks for reaching out to me. My biggest regret was leaving my job. I was on top of the world running a major enterprise (without getting into detail for risk of ever being identified). I just worked to death and in a stressful environment and it was effecting my health (and I'm sure alcohol was too as I was drinking at night to cope). To add to that I had conflicts at home because my husband was retired and his "day" started at 10 pm when I got home. I just desperately needed some work/life balance and to address my health so I left to travel with him for a few months and then shortly after he decided to leave. What a blow. I could've handled the job stress better if I weren't pulled in so many directions and it is obvious now he had prior intentions and nevertheless let me abandon that ship. So have spent the last few years trying to overcome a lot of regret and resentment. Again, thank you for sharing your story. How long are you sober? MTF
- —Guest Lost Self
- Guess I am posting because I read about you guys. I did not think I had an alcohol problem untill this thanksgiving. Well I wondered before? I Wrapped my girlfriends truck around a tree last week, my folks put me out of the house. I am crashing at a friends. He got heavy with a lady last night got banged up! Cops where everywhere. I feel like shit today. How do I get out of this mess? I do believe in god but I am so messed up right now I don't know where to turn. KHI
- —Guest KHI
Song of the Day
- Thanks, Igotaclue, for posting the lyrics to "Who You Are"! I'm glad you liked it. I keep hearing songs recently that remind me of this struggle...all of our struggle. I sing and have always wanted to learn to play the guitar. Maybe this is the year I will finally learn. When I was drinking a lot I stopped singing. The 11 days I spent sober in December I started singing again. I'm happy to see the things I once loved coming back to me. So, my song of the day today is "I'm on My Way" by The Proclaimers. I heard it while watching Shrek the movie, with my kiddo. I'm on my way from misery to happiness today! I'm so glad tomorrow I will wake up hangover free. I realized that this past year I had one completely sober weekend. I usually drank the most on Friday and Saturday nights since I work Mon-Fri. I had ONE sober weekend in 2012. Hard to believe. Here's to my first sober weekend in 2013. Not going to be my last. :)
- —Guest Lucia529
- Stopped on the 1st. I am totally exhausted. I've done nothing but sleep 17 hours a day. Quitting in the cold winter is the worst, but at least the cold is helping me from going and getting a drink. Summer is so much easier. Complete exhaustion, joint pain, sweats, foggy head, depressed. I have meds to make it less intense. I figured at day 5 I'd feel better, but I'm worse every day. I would kill to get to a hot sweaty climate right now. I could join the gym and sit in the sauna and work out a little? Taking B complex, Librium, Multi Vit, Prozac. Feels like I went off the Prozac, which is an awful feeling. Thought of drinking makes me cringe. Sweaty in my bed. Don't know how long to wait. This is pretty lousy, but, I could feel better in a few days. 5 days isn't long right?
- —Guest john
Day 5 ups and downs
- Hello friends. Finishing up day 5 with a nice hot cup of tea. My husband is doing this with me, and we went to the store and bought a bunch of different types of teas, all stress relief, bedtime type teas. It's helping. I'm taking prenatal vitamins since those are the ones I have leftover from pregnancy (my son is 3 now), and Magnesium. Today I felt crazy, mood swings galore. Got outside and ran around with my son collecting sticks and rocks. Ate healthy and drank a lot of water. The cravings are intense because it's Saturday and Fri/Sat are my big drinking days. I totally relate to the posts about boredom. I just feel on edge and jumpy. I went to a movie tonight, "This is 40." It kind of made me feel depressed! But it was really funny too. It was good to laugh. I usually bring a small bottle or two of vodka or rum in my purse to movies to mix with soda. Tonight it was just Coke Zero Vanilla for me. Felt good. The fog is lifting again. Puffy eyes are better & no more tummy issues.
- —Guest Lucia529
DAY TWO OVER (well almost)
- Still no horrendous withdrawal symptoms thank God. Didn't sleep last night, some night sweats, but got a few hours this am so feel pretty good. Do have some cravings (particularly walking past NYC wine bars with chalk written sidewalk signs advertising "vino" and happy hour specials to entice inside) but got past them by thinking about all your posts and that we are all fighting this together. That has given me incredible strength. Also looking in the mirror with some clarity and liking what was looking back (red eyes, puffiness, blotchy skin, lost body tone). Really an incentive to reclaim the old me. Hope you are all doing well, best.
- —Guest Lost Self
It gets better
- To lost self: Your drinking sounds similar to mine in my last years. I was a heavy beer drinker and it didn't matter what time is was. 10am on a Sunday was no different than a Friday night or 5am Tues. It was all drinking time. Lost time. Isolating, going days without showers, and just existing with no clear purpose. I left a job I absolutely loved. Bad times. I thought I would have a grand, tragic moment when I hit bottom, but it was just a quiet, "I can't do this anymore." I had a friend in recovery offer me help and I finally accepted. And now I am a half hearted AA member. (Still working on commitments and being able to get outside regularly.) I'm rebuilding a nice little life now and you will too. Be patient with yourself because it will take time. Yes, I will pray for you. To others who are new to sobriety have hope it will get better. I like things easy, and sobriety isn't easy. But it IS better than the hell alcohol puts us through. Be kind to yourself.
- —Guest ellikay
Working on day 5
- Hi! I have been reading these posts all through my withdrawal, it's the only thing that keeps my mind off of this scary feeling. I drank for 10 years. I now have 1 1/2 and 2 1/2 little girls that are my life. I need to be there for them so I finally decided I want to beat this. I still have really bad anxiety and sweats, still sip on a beer once in a while to help reduce the symptoms. I am still scared. Please keep posting you guys are the only ones getting me through this horrible time right now. Gob Bless everyone!
- —Guest formykids
- Hey everyone I'm trying to detox...already went to the hospital with my parents two weeks ago was sober for about a week. I'm back drinking about a fifth a day. I really want sobriety. I've only drank for a year but I'm a heavy drinker. Can I detox on my own? I don't want to go back to the hospital I've been to rehab before for pills. Any encouragement is gladly accepted. We can do this everyone. So grateful for this site.
- —Guest bteft
- Just to let you know that those thoughts about wanting to drink just this past week have really slowed down for me. It may be the retraining of my thinking. Like you said I have excepted the fact that I can never drink again! Every time I get the thought of drinking I just laugh at how clever my brain is. I wish I was so clever to not let my drinking rule my life. I too drank when I was angry, or didn't want to deal with lifes crap which was all the time lol. I would of never dreamed that just getting sober would end so much pain. I have completely let go of the past, the bad things and have embraced the good memories. They have made me who I am and I am not that bad lol. I met a woman that is 19 years sober and still goes to AA. She says she never thinks of drinking cause she HATES Alcohol and puts all of her energy of anger and frustration towards that hate. She still goes to meeting to help other women and that amazes me. I so want what she has. I know it is coming. Huggs
On day three
- I have to say that the meds the doctor gave me have really helped. no night sweats, twitching or nighmares. I just sleep! But what I combat now is the daytime when no one is around and it's loneliness and makes my mind think about drinking again. I am depressed and know that I need support, so I will be seeking out AA to help me. I hope all of you seek medical advise if your symptoms of withdrawal is of concern to you, being humble and going to seek help is better than dying. Peace.
- Thanks for the words of encouragement Brown Horse. Yesterday, Day 3, was a harder day. Could barely get out of bed and had a terrible headache. Had weird dreams too...not full out nightmares but very intense and odd. I tried EmergenC as recommended on this site and boy did it help. Today, Day 4., I feel a lot better. I haven't had the shakes or anxiety but that might be because I am already on medication for anxiety. Yes I mixed alcohol with it even though I was not supposed to. Now I am bored. During the week I only drank at night but on Saturdays I would indulge in the afternoon while I read my book. Now, I have already drank two pots of tea and don't really know what to do with myself. My dog has a sore leg so I can't take her for a walk but I might try exercising for the first time in a long while as also recommended by many on this site. So many of the people on this site are do so well. So I will take the good advice. Keep up the good fight everyone.
- —Guest TashDa